Some of you may have seen a glimpse of my Scrooge McDuck tattoo on our blog. Sure I’m a huge Ducktales fan, but in addition to my obsession with the penny-pinching geriatric duck, I’m also a huge Ninja Turtles fan. I’m talking MAJOR. Anyhow, I was killin’ time on craigslist the other day and came across what appears to be a totally bitchin’ TMNT Subterranean Sewer Hockey set. DON’T BE FOOLED!!! I happened to receive this wonderful piece of Turtles merchandise for Christmas when I was younger, and while I will never be able to thank my parents enough for their overall generosity, this was one of the worst toys I’ve ever received.

Do you remember the quote from Blade where he says “Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate uphill?” Well, he must’ve just finished playing Whistler at a friendly round of Sewer Hockey. The manufacturers of this (Remco?!?) thought it was a good idea to form the rink out of a hollow plastic shell, which left the “ice” looking like a washboard. The mechanics were similar to foosball, but the uneven surface made basic player mobility a chore if you were lucky enough not to break or bend the control sticks. Unfortunately, what should’ve been a dope idea (ex. Casey Jones and Shredder as goalies) ended up stinking worse than a turtle head. If you owned this growing up, you probably know what I mean, and if not be thankful. Now get ready for hockey season!

(Despite this thing being over a decade old, it looked exactly like this out of the box.)

And just ’cause I can…