Remakes on the Horizon
Inspired by The Captain’s post yesterday concerning Spielberg’s remake of Old Boy, I thought I would bring to light other remakes being planned out by the suits in Hollywood. I’m not sure if writers are just running out of ideas or John Grisham novels to adapt, but they’re starting to target some pretty sacred movies. Some remakes people aren’t going to give a shit about, others are going to make people drink straight from the bottle and load their assault rifles.
Karate Kid: I’ll start with the one that infuriates me the most. Jerry Weintraub, producer of the original Karate Kid(s), will be backing a remake of the 1984 classic starring, ahem, Will Smith’s 10-year-old son Jaden. Rumors are pitting Jackie Chan to be the new Mr. Miyagi. This may be the worst idea I’ve ever heard, and the most blasphemous. Karate Kid, besides being a perfect movie, actually means a lot to a lot of people and holds a big place in this kidult’s heart. (Somebody punch me in the arm, I’m getting queer about this).
Akira: Hey, ever jerk-off thinking about a live-action version of Akira? Get read to blow the ultimate load because it’s happening and Leonardo DiCaprio is attached! Warner Bros. described it as Blade Runner meets City of God. Okay, this might not be so bad.
The Warriors: Director Tony Scott is set to helm the remake of Walter Hill’s 1979 gritty, classic tale of rival gangs. But this time, it’s going to take place in California and the Warriors will be trekking it from Los Angeles to Long Beach. I have a boner for any gang-related movie, but I’m also a huge fan of The Warriors, so I’m not sure how I feel about this yet. Oh, yeah, Tony Scott is also remaking The Taking of Pelham 123, one of the greatest 70s crime movies of all time. Denzel is going to star, so fuck it, I’ll see it.
Other remakes on the horizon include Tron, The Last Starfighter, Evil Dead, Death Wish, Hellraiser, Clash of the Titans, The Birds, Westworld, Escape from New York, 1984, Straw Dogs, Footloose, Dirty Dozen, Red Sonja, Short Circuit, and more!
Any thoughts?
- Oh Mars
November 26th, 2008 at 10:32 am
Tron?? you kidding me , they have or are making Tron 2 so why remake the original. Anyone who co signs a remake of 1984 deserves a boot stamping on their face forever
November 26th, 2008 at 11:09 am
They already remade Westworld and called it Jurassic Park.
MY thoughts are is that I’ve learned to stop judging or being angry at re-makes. While some of these sound like they be really bad, I’ve seen remake ideas I thought would suck turn into great movies. I think it’s just a matter of who is directing, acting and wrote the scrpit.
November 26th, 2008 at 11:13 am
Wait though, Crichton [RIP] wrote JP. Or as you saying producers wanted to make a movie like West World and they picked Jurassic Park?
Evil Dead will be pretty bad ass IMO. As long as Sam Raimi’s car is in this one as well. Hellraiser will just be another sequel correct?
November 26th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Hellraiser is going to be a remake and Clive Barker will be writing and producing. Some cat named Pascal Laugier will be directing.
November 26th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Crichton wrote & directed Westworld.
I honestly wouldn’t mind a Hellraiser remake. Short of the incredible character design of the original I didn’t think it was all that great of a movie
November 26th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Evil Dead remake, ah for fuck sake, the original is brilliant.. And who the hell came up with the marvellous idea to do a remake of Death Wish, there is only one Charles Bronson (RIP)!!!
November 26th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
The original Hellraiser is a snoozefest. Pinhead is awesome and iconic, and the lore goes a million miles, but it’s almost like those movies are about everything ‘else’ that you’re not seeing.
I personally think that Evil Dead would not be as good without Bruce. But I’m a moron, so there’s always that.
The Karate Kid remake with Smith Jr. sounds like something that would make me want to blow my head off. You’re totally right Mars: that movie is a pretty resonant thread that runs through a lot of our lives. To update it into this world with cellphones and hip-hop would make it something that it is not. It’s a movie about a square kid getting EVEN SQUARER and then fighting some cool kids. That just doesn’t work with T.I. on the soundtrack and Miyagi giving Daniel a Nissan Versa to roll down to the mall in.
The Last Starfighter would be interesting to see with today’s technology, but that movie is so hokey and awesome that it’d be hard to ‘improve’ upon.
Great Post! Happy THX.
November 26th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
I also think the right person doing a Warriors remake could be amazing! I would just hope that in doing one they don’t age the movie into 2008, but still have it take place in the late 70s/early 80s NYC.
November 26th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Don’t forget about Darren (Pi, Requiem for a Dream) Arnofafaloiskalophsky’s remake of ROBOCOP that’s in the horizon!
November 26th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Jesus fug man, MAKE SOME NEW SHIT. Remakes are lazy and hardly ever awesome. I hate that they’re remaking Old Boy (along with a bunch of that other stuff). It was right the first time.
November 26th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
I can’t wait to see the Hellraiser remake. Pascal Laugier did Martyr’s which again, was the most insane movie I have ever seen. (for the most part)
November 26th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
I’ve never seen Martyr’s, I’ll check it out.
November 26th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
Old Boy Remake: Dog Shit, the reason that movie works has to do with asian societal taboos and cultural anxieties.
Karate Kid Remake: Dogshit. There’s no way they will be able to improve on the fantastic script by Robert Kamen or the great direction of John Avildsen (who also directed Rocky).
Akira live action: could be awesome
The Warriors remake : Could be awesome if it’s a “re-imagination” and handled properly. Let’s hope Tony pulls a True Romance and not a Deju Vu on us. Dennis Hopper should be directing this one if it’s actually happening. What is a true crime, speaking of Tony, is that I’ve heard they are remaking The Hunger…now THAT is tragic!
Tron: could be great…I’ve seen the trailer.
Last Starfighter — dogshit (the OG was dogshit!)
Evil Dead remake –dogshit…no need to expound on that
Hellraiser remake– could be great, the OG kinda sucks except for the Cenobyte designs and mythos
Clash Of The Titans remake –on the fence, but for nostalgia’s sake and since I was raised on this movie I’ll call dogshit…don’t fuck with Harryhausen!
Death WIsh remake –could be cool depending on who’s playing Bronson…not a fan of the OG’s anyway. I’m a Dirty Harry kind of guy
The Birds remake — dogshit
and all the other one’s I’m calling Dogshit except Red Sonja but only if it’s X rated
November 26th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
I’ll bet the farm that Jason Statham stars in the Death Wish remake.
November 26th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
Didn’t they kind of just basically remake Death Wish with Kevin Bacon in Death Sentence?
November 27th, 2008 at 3:46 am
Remakes generally suck ass, w/ the odd exception, Ils (Them)/The Strangers being a recent example. Most things on the list being a bad idea, Tony Scott has done some great movies but The Warriors, bad move! This film is a rite of passage for most males, and always will be, it’d be like remaking Apocalypse Now, you just don’t fuck with the classics! Don’t even get me started on Escape From New York, they already remade that as Escape From LA anyway and look how bad that turned out!!! BUT, if they are gonna remake they should definately get Kurt Russell to play Snake because he IS Snake Plissken! ’nuff said!
Remaking The Hunger is ridiculous too, a film of its time, thta just wouldnt work today, what would they do, make it all Emo and AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…… no more now please, Im going to lie down and watch The Exterminator.
November 27th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Was The Strangers a remake of Them? I just thought they had very similar premises. Either way The Strangers was much better done.
November 27th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Maybe The Strangers wasn’t a straight remake of Them but similar enough in my eyes. No matter really, I loved both of them! Anyway just to steer things in a different direction heres some films that should not be remade under any circumstances:
Liquid Sky, Videodrome, Wolfen, The Exterminator, Jaws, Rolling Thunder, Taxi Driver, Apocalypse Now, Razorback and probably a few others too!
Not sure how to feel about the soon come remake of Aussie Horror classic Long Weekend as that is a particular fave, but… it is being done done by the director of Storm Warning, which I really liked, so fingers crossed.
November 27th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
I think the Strangers was based on the same story that Them was based on. Some kids in the Czech Republic killing some Austrian tourists. The kids where really young, none older than 14 if I’m correct.
What do you guys think of Alexander Aja (Haute Tension, Hills Have Eyes Remake) remaking Pirhana in 3D?
November 28th, 2008 at 4:34 am
Anything in 3D has the potential to be great and I love the original, BUT didnt like Mirrors OR The Hills Have Eyes remake! Haute Tension was fucking incredible tho!!!!
December 7th, 2008 at 3:45 am
Similar theme read on what that already a blog, but here certainly it is described more interestingly. Thanks the author of a blog.
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