The choice was mine: I could go out and be part of the problem, or I could stay in and do something constructive with my time. What’d I do? I decided to watch some movies. But which ones?
It’d be nice to sink into something that could keep me busy all day. OK, so I need some sequels. I didn’t want to have to carry it over to the next day, however, so something epic like Lord of the Rings (despite it’s holiday charm) was out. That pretty much left Blade or The Matrix, and—sadly—I watched the Matrix downward spiral a few months ago. Still too soon.
Blade. Blade II. Blade Trinity.
I guess there’s two types of people: people who would never watch these movies because they’ve convinced themselves that they are shit, and people (like me) who can love these movies…warts and all. Stephen Dorf and all.
Anyway, I’m sure you’ve all seen them and you either love or hate them. This is just me reminding us all: they are awesome. For those that don’t know:
Blade. Blade is a half-human, half-vampire ‘daywalker’ that has all the strengths of vampires and very few of their weaknesses. He makes it his mission to hunt vampires and they’re human ‘familiars’ until the human race is safe from the vampiric threat.
Whistler. Whistler is Blade’s old-dude dad-guy who also lays it down heavy in the shop. He invents all sorts of cool doodads (light grenades, stake-shooting shotguns, um, super-knives, and a bad-ass 72 Challenger, among other things) for Blade to go out and hack vampires up with.
Blade. You meet Blade. He’s got beef with Stephen Dorf who is a dick-vampire that wants to rob Blade’s blood of it’s magic and use it to take over the vampire-nation.
Blade II. Blade goes to Russia to rescue Whistler (who was kidnapped at the end of Blade) and encounters a new breed of parasite that feeds on both humans and vampires. The gore-dial gets turned up, and Ron Perlman and Norman Reedus make memorable appearances.
Blade Trinity. Blade gets outed to the humans and they arrest him. He’s rescued by the, ahem, Nightstalkers which are a bunch of kids who try to do what Blade does. Ryan Reynolds (can’t help but like this dude, sorry), Jessica Biel, and Patton Oswalt…um…stalk the night. Parker Posey heads up the main-bads and has a plan to bring back Dracula (played by the big dude from Prison Break) who ends up respect-hating Blade right up until the climax of the movie.
Not like it’s hard to guess, but—hands down—the best thing about these movies is Wesley Snipes. He is amazing in that he clearly works hard at hamming up the blaxploitation aspects of his dialogue…he knows it’s funny, so he laughs along with you. He’s also totally convincing at the stunts and martial arts stuff, and well, he makes you care about Blade.
Anyway. If you have a spare six hours, watch the Blades. They are awesome.- Hateball