It was a cloudy Bruinwebery day, and we were finally released from the temple after recovering from the severe ass beating we received last adventure. From outside the temple we heard the sounds of a brawl. We ran outside to see two peasants locked in an intense dagger fight. One peasant finally stabbed the other with an ornate dagger, causing his victim to disintegrate. After some banter (and provocation from both the victim’s dagger and the dagger wielding peasant) we discovered that these two daggers had been battling for hundreds of years, possessing the minds and bodies of anyone who would pick them up. Reuben got tired of the chit chat and blew up the possessed peasant with a lightning bolt.

At this point the town guard showed up and in their usual dickish fashion, threw us in jail until they checked our alibi out with the local mage’s guild. Skimbleshanks, a gnomish bard and member of the party, escaped the guard and Holland Oates tried unsuccessfully to pretend she had nothing to do with the whole thing (what a fucking rat). With her free time, Skimbleshanks went shopping for a new pet. The best deal at the Claw and Talon was a baby Land Shark. After a little haggling, some lengthy paperwork, several disclaimers and some clarification on the definition of “half-trained,” the Land Shark was hers.

Once we were finally all free and assembled, we decided to make a move on the warehouse we had tracked those bastard ravens to in the last adventure. It was payback time. Holland transformed into a raven to do some recon. Inside, she saw a gigantic bird in a cage, and ogre sharpening a sword and crates full of toungeless peasant children and Halflings buried up to their necks in dirt.

After concocting an elaborate plan to contain the bird and take down the ogre, we decided to crack open the warehouse door. Unfortunately, an alarm sounded the second we touched the door. The bird was out of the cage and the ogre started casting spells. We did our best to roll with the situation, but got completely fucked up. The only damage done to the Ogre was from a tall boy that Krannath threw at his head and the bird had blown a black cloud on both Skimbleshanks and I, driving us both insane. We bailed, fast. After paying for a quick healing at the temple across the street, we went back to the warehouse to settle this shit for real.

The bird had flown out of the warehouse and was now perched on the roof. Reuben singed the birds wing with a lightning bolt sending it spiraling toward the cobblestone below and killed him. When we burst into the warehouse the ogre was hurriedly tossing the Halflings in crates through a trapdoor in the floor that opened on to the river. When we attacked he dove through a hole in the floor and flew off down the river. Krannath and I chased the ogre while Holland Oates, Skimbleshanks and Reuben freed the Halflings.

By the time we figured out what was going on, we’d been joined by monk from the order of St. Cuthbert, we’d let the ogre go (because we didn’t trust him enough to let him stay and fight with us) and we’d discovered that the dude we were after was a bird demon called “the Messenger” in human form, who was sacrificing Halflings in an attempt to regain his true form. Clearly we had to stop this bitch.

Reuben created an illusion to make the trashed warehouse appear normal, ogre and all. I rigged a trip-wired mine right next to the ogre, and we waited for the Messenger to return. Finally, the following morning the Messenger arrived with a horde of Ravens through the skylight. The Messenger completely fell for our plan and tripped the mine. He was hurt but not killed. A full on battle ensued until he was eventually overpowered, forcing him to flee through the skylight.

When he fled I turned I turned to Krannath (who had been magically doubled in size) and said “throw me.” Krannath tossed me through the skylight and I shot an arrow through the back of the Messenger’s neck breaking his teeth as it popped out the other side of his mouth. The rest of the party ran outside as he continued to flee, leaping from rooftop to rooftop. Skimbleshanks cast grease on the edge of a roof and send the Messenger tumbling to his un-climactic death.

After the battle we celebrated by spending our reward money on new gear and a new, roll proof carriage. Reuben went shopping in Gnometown for a fancy new wizard robe, but it tuned into an epic event. All the most famous designers in Gnometown competed to see whose robe he would wear. Robes were designed by Karl Lagergnome, Gnomey Campbell, Steve, Chili Con Carney, Sheyenne and Mandy Potemkin (Pictured at top). Reuben decided on Shyenne’s golden gown that had spider weave up the sides to show off his burlap sack underneath.

After all the excitement, Reuben needed to take a shit.  While thumbing through treasure maps he had been given by Morlock the Warlock on the toilet he stumbled upon next week’s adventure involving Van Halen, a retirement cruise and much much more. Tune in next time to find out what happens (with better pictures)!

- Them