Selfish Cunt – English Chamber Music (2008) [Sparrow's Tear] // Grade: A-

Selfish Cunt’s English Chamber Music is a perfect example of not needing to reinvent the wheel to make an amazing record, that sometimes in place of innovation all that’s needed is a strong understanding of the sort of band you are to be, an infusion of energy, enthusiasm and the air of danger. The name alone screams “Pay attention  to us please!” with the sort of ego & desperation that’s been missing for quite some time… or rather missing from a band who could carry a name like Selfish Cunt successfully. Think of it as a more musically inclined version Sex Pistols.

Not to ramble off a multitude of bands and scenes to describe the sound of English Chamber Music but it’s really the easiest way in this case. The Johnny Lydon and Iggy Pop allusions are obvious and easy to see, but it’s all of the other places that Selfish Cunt take their sound from that make this album and band so intersting and engaging. English Chamber Music is full of the gritty danceble rhythms of Chicago post-hardcore (Big Black, Effigies, Arsenal), the bass & theatrics of UK Goth (Bauhaus, Play Dead, PIL), a G.G. Allin attitude towards life and the real kicker for me… that lovely blues based guitar groove and swagger synonymous with NYC’s scummy rock scene of the late 80s (Pussy Galore, Royal Trux, Live Skull, Rat At Rat R). And it’s not just the guitar, there are moments when Martin Tomlinson’s vocals comes off like a bratty British Jon Spencer. All of this gets cook it in a big batch of “Like we give a fuck” Rock stew. English Chamber Music plays like a dirty ransom letter to Rock ‘N Roll that feels downright confrontational from the comfort of your home speakers.

Selfish Cunt are no strangers to music Tabloid pres in the UK where their exploits and publicity stunts, some of which include throwing horse manure on Pete Doherty and sabotaging Snow Patrol’s equipment. However in the U.S. they’re relatively unknown, which is a real shame. It’s not often that a band so  snotty & abrasive and in their antics can play music to match their attitude. This is one of those times, so catch it while you can and track this album down. I just hope they make it to the U.S. before they self destruct.

The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham

Going into this episode, everyone basically knew what was going to happen on the mainland (minus the incredible Ben moment). What kept this episode engaging, for me, was Terry O’Quinn’s performance and wrinkly face. The two sides of Locke we’ve seen thus far are the off-island-loser and the on-island-madman. Last night’s episode was something in-between; weary, empathetic, but still a man-of-action when necessary (leaping into the driver’s seat on his jacked leg after Abaddon gets wasted). Every time he visited someone to coax them into returning to the island, he was never forceful. He visited Walt just to make sure he’s getting on alright and he even opened up to Kate about Helen. It was enjoyable to see all these sides of the boar-killing, knife-slinging, submarine-exploding Locke. After becoming so invested in his character throughout the episode, I found his death hard to watch. We all knew he was going to die in this episode, but I don’t think anyone thought it would be at the hands of Ben. Not because it’s uncharacteristic of Ben to murder (he’s proven fully capable of that), but because the look on Locke’s face when he was getting choked-out was so fucking painful. Call me queer, but if you didn’t think so, you have no soul.

It was dope to have so much Abaddon in one episode. Lance “Lt. Daniels” Reddick is the man in every role he takes on and he’s got to be one of the weirdest looking dudes ever. The interactions between him and Locke were great, especially the Driving Miss Daisy moments. There’s a good chance that Helen’s tombstone was fake (Widmore is a greasy bastard) and that Abaddon only took Locke to it to gain his trust. Locke ends up in Jack’s hospital (did anyone not see that coming?) and eventually ends up in a dismal motel room, intending to hang himself. Here’s the big question of the night: Do you guys think he was hanging himself to fulfill Richard Alpert’s prophecy, or because he was genuinely suicidal having epically failed at getting anyone to go back and had lost the only woman he ever loved? Ben seems to be consistently fucking up Locke’s destiny-game; Ben turned the wheel instead of Locke, Ben interrupts Locke’s suicide, gets the information he wants, and strangles him. Ben and Widmore’s motivations are still foggy and it’s becoming more and more hard to tell who the “bad guy” is. Thoughts?

Now let’s get our times right – Locke, Caesar, Ben, Frank, Sun, and possibly Sayid are in the present. Jack, Kate, and Hurley are in the ’70s with Jin, Sawyer, and Daniel. Frank took off in one of the canoes with a girl – possibly Sun.

Some alternative titles: Daddy got Pawnography. OR! Lap Machine Teach Baby Make. MAYBE! Taxing that Ass.

Kozik to produce a limited print for the occasion, with 50 available for purchase (hey UBIQ’s putting us up, not you) at the shop and another 50 later on our website, which compliments our Kozik “Pipes and Porridge” tee available with Spring ’09. Along with selections from Mishka’s diverse collection not normally available at UBIQ, we will also have special items, toys and other insanity that you’ve come to expect from Mishka. It will be our own little enclave of Mishka madness in Philly for all of our fans to come and check out.

The grand opening party will be held from 9pm to 1am Friday February 27th at UBIQ: located at: 1509 Walnut Street, Philadelphia, PA.

Come hibernate with us for the evening with some great drinks, great friends and great music by DJ Sega, Dirty South Joe & Flufftronix. If you can’t make the party, come visit the pop-up shop by between 11am – 8pm Monday to Saturday and 12pm to 6pm on Sundays.

Engineered to Destroy!

Black Lips – 200 Million Thousand (2009) [Vice] // Grade: B-

I respect the fuck out of the Black Lips “we could give a fuck” attitude towards what else is happening in music or has happened since the Sonics. Their commitment to those principles as their popularity and influence grows wider is absolutely humbling because I’m sure they know that as close as they get to that brass ring, they’ll never be able to grab it playing straight-up Garage Rock. Well not unless they make a White Stripes type of sound shift. But they really don’t seem to give a shit about anything besides making Rock ‘N Roll and I appreciate that.

It should then come as no surprise then that on 200 Million Thousand that the Black Lips really don’t venture much from what they did Good Bad Not Evil, or really any of the 4 albums before that. 200 Million Thousand does have a more genuine Nuggets era sound in the recording quality, with the constant tape hiss running throughout the album. The mix on the vocals has them just distant enough to not only play up the retro effect, but also goes a long way in giving the album a slightly more sinister tone than usual. Hell I’m sure if you played this to anyone not up on the Black Lips they’d think this was recorded in the 60s, that is unless they catch some very obvious modern allusions and references scattered through out the lyrics.

But with that said, none of those nuances create enough of a change to tie these songs to this particular album. They could have all just as easily fit anywhere else in the Black Lips catalog. That’s really my main gripe with this album which I like, I really do… especially tracks like “Big Baby Jesus of Today”, “Old Man” or the subtly Hip Hop infused “Drop I Hold”. But even on the strength of those tracks and nothing about 200 Million Thousand makes me want to hear it anymore or less than anything else they’ve done.

Ultimately how much you like or how indifferent you are towards this album is going to depend on how you feel towards Garage Rock as a whole and how much new Garage Rock that sounds like old Garage Rock you need in your life. If this is going to be your first Black Lips release, it or Good Bad Not Evil are great place to start. But in all likelihood they may also end up being the only album of theirs you may ever need to own.

Mishka was at Magic this past week peddling our goods. The show was about 40% smaller, some people said 50%. It was crazy small and weird. Of course our booth was still packed (cause we are cool like that), but it was still basically a bust.

Sorry I had to do that shitty Photoshop job and block all of our new shit out because what happens is people rip you off. We have been accused of being biters before (yea funny right!) but this shit is just a straight rip! I don’t even remember the name of the brand, and I don’t really care, they are fucking pieces of shit!

I even knew the dude repping them  and he was trying to tell me “oh you guys have must of gotten the same fabric we did” No douche bag, we designed that plaid and color for ourselves to use. we NEVER buy plaids or checks from a fabric market, we design our own! So Don’t buy this bootleg shit, you will get laughed at!

I could have taken photos of all the cool kids (I did take a few) but I just didn’t think it was necessary to post all those photos. Sorry guys!

But I am going to do a lot of namedropping later in this post! Nabile (pictured above) was the man at this Magic. Really though, he is the only man you need to see! He is pretty much the man behind your favorite brand, streetwear’s Willy Wonka of sorts.

We did a few stupid Streetwear parties. Got wasted and had the most fun ever in my life doing karaoke at Beauty Bar. We saw Diplo and Switch at Ghostbar, and even ate at the Wynn Buffet. But then it was off to LA, where the real fun began. Ghost Town Road was on the way there. I don’t remember where this was, but all I know is Ease got all excited and jumped out and took this flick.

Our first night in LA, we met up with Greg (acidgirls), Lax, DJ Gina Turner, and a bunch of others to watch our boy Dan Oh KILL IT at Avalon with our girl Lauren Flax and Fischerspooner!

It was Dan Oh’s Birthday and he fucking KILLED IT! So amazing!

Lauren Flax and Fischerspooner killed it as well. Later we went to get waffles, at this place called waffle or the waffle or some shit… I forget. It was really good, but I don’t take pictures of food really so use your imagination!

The next day we went to the Kaws show. Kaws has blown up as of late. I mean he has been huge, but he seems to be getting HUGER. There was also a HUGE line out front 15 minutes before the show. So luckily the king of HUGE (bobby hundreds) was out front and suggested we sneak in the back. It worked, thanks Bobby!

There was a $25,000 Kaws head on the floor. It was part of the installation and wasn’t supposed to be moved. I guess Shepard Fairy was trying to be a nice guy when he tried to pick it up and got yelled at. That’s what I heard at least but I’m am just trying to name drop. Lev from Toy Tokyo was the one who actually told me that little anecdote and he’s been dealing with Kaws when the rest of us were still going to Raves.

Sorry to all you kewl guys, but the better show was actually down the street. Bill McMullen was having a solo show at the Constant Gallery owned by our boy Nikos from Span of Sunset. I mean fucking A, an R2-D2 ghettoblaster? Slow the fuck down!

I think the best was the corporate camo. At least I think that it was called. Camouflage made of Coca-Cola, Starbucks, and Marlboro logos. That shit was so fucking brilliant. Kudos to you Bill! I also ran into John C. Riley and MCA. Ease took my picture with JCR, but it was blurry. Oh yea, Bill McMullen was the designer for the Beastie Boys. I didn’t want to mention that earlier, cause I know you still had a boner over Kaws. (I love Kaws, I have a ton of his sculputres, just saying, geesh!)

Speaking of Raves, we actually had a “Rave” of sorts on Saturday night at the Kill With Power LA warehouse party. We have been doing these KWP parties in LA sorta frequently of late.Warehouse parties in LA are cool, cause all the bars close at 2am and most of them fucking suck anyway. But then you can come to a warehouse, and dance all night and get fucked up, It’s really awesome! Oh, Vote for Pedro was there… Yea like the dude from Napoleon Dynamite!

The kids pictured above were at the Rave on the floor above the KWP party. The real Rave with kids sitting on the floor, having sex in the corner, stuck in K holes, and walking around with giant mickey mouse hands. Ours was a pseudo (neu) (old people) Rave.

This was also the debut of Mishka’s very own, Ease DaMan, preforming his soon to be hit single, “I Levitate” or just “Levitate” or whatever the fuck its called. Ease DaMan is a commercial rapper, and he wants to get ring tone deals. We are going to help him make it happen.

The rest of the night was a bit of blur. Ease killed it, Gina Turner killed it, Them Jeans killed it, Jimmy Jamz killed it, Dan Oh killed it AGAIN (his real BDAY PARTY), Pase Rock killed it, KILL WITH POWER! Thats what we do! THAT’S WHAT THE FUCK WE DO!

P.S. I am not drunk, just in the office very late, and kind of in a weird mood! <3

Admittedly this is not news, but I just had to share. Pantalaine, allegedly of South Bend, Indiana produce “plural clothing” and other odd and impractical garments. I’m pretty sure it’s an elaborate ruse of some sort, but it still made my day and made me wish for a world where clothes were more awkward and less practical. Check out their “Couch Dress,” or their “Shamrocker” jacket for three. Check out their site for more amazing wares and confused models.

I was asked to write this month’s Vinyl Archeology for Fader. I chose to focus my article on bands, songs or records that drew from some sort of Soviet influence which not only attracted me to them but helped me appreciate my Russian background at a time when I didn’t. Needless to say it was quite gratifying and an honor to be asked to write an article about music for a magazine of the Fader’s caliber. I also want to give a thank you to my fiance for making my writing coherent for the article.

In the next week or so Fader will also be posting a mix I did to accompany the article. I’ll post up a link as soon as it’s live! For those of you curious to read the article I’ve uploaded both pages as high rez images. Click here for page 1, and here for page 2.

I also want to make a correction to the Into a Circle Assassins part of the article. I was eighteen, not eight when I had the opportunity to change my name from Mikhail to Michael. It was when I was applying to be a US Citizen. Fader incorrectly changed that somewhere between my edit and their final one.

When I was 7 years old my mom walked in on me in the bathroom on day and started freaking out; I was stabbing a hard-boiled egg over and over with a cocktail sword yelling “DIE!!!…DIE!!!..”. It’s pretty understandable why the situation was so uneasy to her, thinking back now it sounds almost serial killer. What my mom didn’t know is that I had just painted a Jason mask on the egg and was pretending to be Tommy Jarvis from the end of Friday The 13th Part 4.

Over a week has passed since the 12th installment of the franchise dropped, have you gone to see that shit yet? You should. If you’re anywhere close to the freak kid I was, then you’ve been waiting for Jason to kill at Camp Crystal Lake ever since he got on that boat headed to New York in part 8.

So whatever, Michael Bay ended up with the movie. It’s obvious that he knew he would have to keep it real for the horror heads while also commercial enough for the masses. He jammed a hell of a lot into this movie, which is good and bad, it’s basically the first four originals wrapped up in one pretty remake. The movie has that old-school tint/ new-school polished look that I find contradictory. In fact, it looks exactly like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, suitably, he used the same director and cinematographer. I don’t think all these classic remakes should look the same, I hope he’s not planning on rinsing the same style for A Nightmare On Elm Street (coming in 2010).

I can’t complain about the death toll or nudity though, he came correct… 13 kills and 3 pairs of titties. (The third pair being the hypest by far). The kills were good, although the best bloody moments were pretty stagnant. I like to see my gore go down from beginning to end, when the trap hits the leg, till it rips it clean off. There was lots of blood though.

We had the same old great cast of characters to watch, the dumb jock, the geek, mr. sensitive, the hunk, the virgin, and the slut(s). They also threw in a token Asian guy and a masturbating black guy for good measure. All these people delivered some seriously hype lines, which is very important in a Friday The 13th or any slasher movie for that matter.

I guess I have one last beef and it’s with the brand new kidnapping Jason. Jason has always just killed. What I think happened here is that about 20 minutes of the film were cut that explained the fact that Jason thought this girl was his mother, so he kept her in his basement chained up. I bet you it will be in the DVD version. I hope they also make her put on a sweater and pretend to be his mother at the end when she kills him. Like she should.

Bring on the sequels.