Bird vs. Magic on Ice!

P.S. Yes I know most of you will be “Huh?”

This video is really, really gay. It hits the gay fulcrum point at exactly three minutes in.

I just hyperventilated my way through Taken. The movie ignores any kind of moral examination and instead chooses to focus on Liam Neeson stabbing, shooting, punching, choking, jumping, torturing, and speaking in a rather serious manner. In his fifties, Neeson is a nice remedy to all the wrestlers, male models, and assclowns starring in action flicks nowadays, and is 100 percent believeable as a father who will stop at nothing to save his daughter—making Jack Bauer look like a boyscout the whole time. It’s a by-the-numbers thriller, but Neeson saves it from mundaneness and delivers a truly hypnotic performance. Directed by Pierre Morel with Luc Besson whispering in his ear. Go see it or I will find you, and I will kill you.

Life After Breakfast is one of my favorite records of all time. So much of the DNA of the past 3 decades of indie music can be traced back in some form or another to this LP. Complex, playful, ahead of its time and virtually unknown.

Los Microwaves were a San Francisco-based Synth-Punk band who formed in 1979 and disbanded in 1983. Their recorded output consisted of a handful of 7″ and their lone album, Life after Breakfast released on the legendary Posh Boy records. Singer/Keyboardist David Javelos also recorded a solo EP under the name David Microwave in 1980 for Posh Boy as well.  After the band called it quits David Javelos linked up with Charles Hornaday to form Baby Buddha who released Songs For Teenage Sex and Everyone Is My Age.

I became borderline obsessed with the band when I found this pin (pictured above) at a vintage toy show in the 90s. I have no clue why, but one of the dealers at the show was only selling vintage rock pins for dirt cheap. Every band he had was to some degree a recognizable name except for this one. I’m not sure why, but I felt compelled to get it. That then sparked an obsessive search for any material by the band at any and every record store until found a gently worn copy for $19. When I brought it home, I was pleasantly surprised that it was much in the same vein of the Units’ Digital Stimulation, which I had also recently and randomly stumbled on.

I loved this record so much and felt it needed to be back in print so badly that I even started emailing various labels specializing in punk and post-punk reissues, pleading with them to share this gem with the rest of the world. Unfortunately, whenever I did hear back from any of these labels, it was always with a “Who!?” sort of response!

I do however know that  I wasn’t the only person to get obsessed with Los Microwaves. Le Shok, a Locust off-shoot, covered “TV In My Eye” on their We Are Electrocution EP in 2000.

Los Microwaves – Life After Breakfast

I’ll just let the press release do the talking:

PRESS RELEASE VH1/Viacom Corp. For Immediate Release Jan. 12, 2009 New Season of Rock of Love to Feature Metal Legend Glenn Danzig VH1 announced today that producers are now filming a new season of Rock of Love featuring metal/punk/horror-core legend, Glenn Danzig. The new show, which will premeire this July, is called “Rock of Love: Bride of Satan with Glenn Danzig.”

VH1 producers stated that introducing the element of Satanism would inject new life into the Rock of Love franchise as well as reach a different audience niche — jokingly referred to by insiders as “the black market.” The new series will follow the traditional Flavor of Love/Rock of Love format with a group of 20 women vying for the affection of the celebrity musician. However, at the insistence of Mr. Danzig, the winner will enter into a legally-binding marriage with Satan in a ceremony that is sure to test the limits of basic cable censorship standards. Although network executives are keeping a tight lid on the show’s planned shennanigans, a few details have been leaked about planned challenges. These include: goat entrail soup and chili cook-off blindfolded nun deflowering contest sexy seance strip-a-thon. (Source)

It was a cloudy Bruinwebery day, and we were finally released from the temple after recovering from the severe ass beating we received last adventure. From outside the temple we heard the sounds of a brawl. We ran outside to see two peasants locked in an intense dagger fight. One peasant finally stabbed the other with an ornate dagger, causing his victim to disintegrate. After some banter (and provocation from both the victim’s dagger and the dagger wielding peasant) we discovered that these two daggers had been battling for hundreds of years, possessing the minds and bodies of anyone who would pick them up. Reuben got tired of the chit chat and blew up the possessed peasant with a lightning bolt.

At this point the town guard showed up and in their usual dickish fashion, threw us in jail until they checked our alibi out with the local mage’s guild. Skimbleshanks, a gnomish bard and member of the party, escaped the guard and Holland Oates tried unsuccessfully to pretend she had nothing to do with the whole thing (what a fucking rat). With her free time, Skimbleshanks went shopping for a new pet. The best deal at the Claw and Talon was a baby Land Shark. After a little haggling, some lengthy paperwork, several disclaimers and some clarification on the definition of “half-trained,” the Land Shark was hers.

Once we were finally all free and assembled, we decided to make a move on the warehouse we had tracked those bastard ravens to in the last adventure. It was payback time. Holland transformed into a raven to do some recon. Inside, she saw a gigantic bird in a cage, and ogre sharpening a sword and crates full of toungeless peasant children and Halflings buried up to their necks in dirt.

After concocting an elaborate plan to contain the bird and take down the ogre, we decided to crack open the warehouse door. Unfortunately, an alarm sounded the second we touched the door. The bird was out of the cage and the ogre started casting spells. We did our best to roll with the situation, but got completely fucked up. The only damage done to the Ogre was from a tall boy that Krannath threw at his head and the bird had blown a black cloud on both Skimbleshanks and I, driving us both insane. We bailed, fast. After paying for a quick healing at the temple across the street, we went back to the warehouse to settle this shit for real.

The bird had flown out of the warehouse and was now perched on the roof. Reuben singed the birds wing with a lightning bolt sending it spiraling toward the cobblestone below and killed him. When we burst into the warehouse the ogre was hurriedly tossing the Halflings in crates through a trapdoor in the floor that opened on to the river. When we attacked he dove through a hole in the floor and flew off down the river. Krannath and I chased the ogre while Holland Oates, Skimbleshanks and Reuben freed the Halflings.

By the time we figured out what was going on, we’d been joined by monk from the order of St. Cuthbert, we’d let the ogre go (because we didn’t trust him enough to let him stay and fight with us) and we’d discovered that the dude we were after was a bird demon called “the Messenger” in human form, who was sacrificing Halflings in an attempt to regain his true form. Clearly we had to stop this bitch.

Reuben created an illusion to make the trashed warehouse appear normal, ogre and all. I rigged a trip-wired mine right next to the ogre, and we waited for the Messenger to return. Finally, the following morning the Messenger arrived with a horde of Ravens through the skylight. The Messenger completely fell for our plan and tripped the mine. He was hurt but not killed. A full on battle ensued until he was eventually overpowered, forcing him to flee through the skylight.

When he fled I turned I turned to Krannath (who had been magically doubled in size) and said “throw me.” Krannath tossed me through the skylight and I shot an arrow through the back of the Messenger’s neck breaking his teeth as it popped out the other side of his mouth. The rest of the party ran outside as he continued to flee, leaping from rooftop to rooftop. Skimbleshanks cast grease on the edge of a roof and send the Messenger tumbling to his un-climactic death.

After the battle we celebrated by spending our reward money on new gear and a new, roll proof carriage. Reuben went shopping in Gnometown for a fancy new wizard robe, but it tuned into an epic event. All the most famous designers in Gnometown competed to see whose robe he would wear. Robes were designed by Karl Lagergnome, Gnomey Campbell, Steve, Chili Con Carney, Sheyenne and Mandy Potemkin (Pictured at top). Reuben decided on Shyenne’s golden gown that had spider weave up the sides to show off his burlap sack underneath.

After all the excitement, Reuben needed to take a shit.  While thumbing through treasure maps he had been given by Morlock the Warlock on the toilet he stumbled upon next week’s adventure involving Van Halen, a retirement cruise and much much more. Tune in next time to find out what happens (with better pictures)!

Another day, another preview…This time it’s yet new bag for Spring 09 bags! The Quicksilver Messenger Bag has one main compartment perfect for your books or laptop, an outer pouch, a zippered stash pocket and a side slit pocket. The bag also features a 5″ expandable width that can be zippered closed and used whenever you need the extra room.

The bags come in black with charcoal accents, and red with purple accents in a heavy duty nylon. And for some added flair we’ve lined the bag with our Madchester pattern in white line.

Abe Vigoda – Reviver EP (2009) [PPM] // Grade: B

I was especially hard on Abe Vigoda’s album Skeleton. It made my skin crawl and made me want to gouge my eyes out, but I knew buried within it and by their past efforts they had a really good album in them somewhere. Is this it? *Steve Brule Voice* No because it’s EP dummy! But it is quite good and well put together effort by these up and coming stars of L.A.’s noisy indie underground.

The advent that less is most definitely at wok here. The 5 tracks (one of which is a Stevie Nicks cover), 20 minute playing time really just encapsulates the potential this band always possessed than any of their albums ever showed. Where Skeleton just dragged on and on after 2 minutes with it’s spastic tempo and tropical feel this EP not only features more attention to production, but much stronger composition that focuses on creating songs rather than a headache. And while because of that it may have lost some of it’s youthful vibe, Michael Vidal doesn’t even sound the same vocally here than he did on previous efforts. I think the much darker tone Reviver emits truly suits the bands much more than the Jimmy Buffet on Ritillin shtick ever did. It’s denser, brooding and ultimately less frivolous than their past work. This feels like the band has matured tremendously in a short amount of time and I hope this is an ongoing progression rather than some sidestep before they put out another Skeleton.