This is gay.

I appreciate skateboarding games because it’s a vehicle that allows me to do tricks that are impossible for me to do on my board.  It’s as with every game, an escapism and also a way to live vicariously (CoD 4 lives out my dream as a Jar Head that gets to merk “insurgents” with a SAW).  I could never in my wildest dreams pull off a double heel-flip, noseblunt, 180 out.  Shit, I can’t even do one heel-flip.  But in video games?  Yup.  I’ll own you son.

EA basically threw a big pile of fuck-you at Activision and Tony Hawk when they released Skate.  Not only did they “get it” with characters, gear, and game nuances, but they got the actual controller/trick mechanics dialed in.  No more switch flips over a 90ft. gap into a salad grind on an S rail for another 30 ft.  It was as realistic to skateboarding as it should be (lets be honest…too realistic and people will just give up…like 95% of people who try skateboarding IRL). To put it bluntly, EA just did it right.

Then Tony Hawk comes along and introduces a board instead of a controller with his new RIDE installment.  We knew this was bound to happen.  It was inevitable.  But it doesn’t erase the fact that this is uber-homo.

If I want to skate – on a board – I’ll pick up my board and well…go skate.  Sure, sure, sure.  You’ll say “well what about Wii Bowling and baseball and tennis??”  Well just in case you didn’t know, I don’t have a bowling alley built into my basement and it costs me $20 per game if I go to the local alley which is 10 miles away.  Baseball?  Well I guess I could start swinging the Louisville in my backyard but I have a feeling a lot of neighbors might get pissed.  And tennis?  Tennis is for white people.  Save Michael Chang.

Besides, the allure of skateboarding is that it’s an outdoor activity that is really accessible. No fees, no memberships, nothing. Just grab a board and go have a game of SKATE.

So sorry Activision…actually, no I’m not sorry….this is just gay. Really really gay.