Not to blow my load right away but…MINOTAUR! Last night’s episode kicked off right where the last one left us, and as Sookie storms out of Bill’s car and starts her 20 mile trek through the woods, she’s attacked by a fucking minotaur. We’ve already got a maenad, vampires, a telepath, a shape-shifter, and now a minotaur. I had no idea the mythology of this show gets deeper than a bird bath. Who’s going to be the Theseus of Bon Temps? In a bizarre coincidence, earlier on Sunday I finished reading the novel The Minotaur Takes a Cigarette Break, so seeing the silhoutte of the minotaur in the woods certainly got a “no fucking way” from me. The scratches left by the minotaur cause Sookie to foam at the mouth and become paralyzed, not even Bill’s blood can help. He takes her to Fangtasia where the bizarro midget Dr. Ludwig performs a brutal looking treatment on her which causes her back to bubble. After she pulls some kind of poisoinous tooth/claw from her back, a healthy dose of Bill’s precious bodily fluids has her right as rain again. Bill looked crazy horny during this whole process. A revived Sookie reads the bartender’s mind and learns that Lafayette is being held captive in the basement. Eric agrees to let him go if Sookie will go to Dallas and track down the missing vampire Godric. Sookie agrees, but only if Eric throws in a cool $10,000 and allows Bill to join her. It doesn’t take a telelpath to realize they’re probably just going to hit up Vegas instead. Lafayette returning home and bawling just reaffirmed my opinion that Nelsan Ellis is the greatest actor on this show, natch.

Meanwhile, Maryann is getting ready to throw a party and rolls a joint that could choke a donkey. They have a heart to heart about Sam before the drunken orgy begins, but I don’t really give a shit. Maryann’s character as a ton of potential – especially afte the stunt at Merlotte’s last week – but they haven’t really done much with her up to this point. Her motivations are completely unclear to me. I hope they do more with her arc ASAP.

Back at the Fellowship camp, Jason points out to the Jesus-freaks that humans can be just as cruel as vampires (remember Rene and Jason’s girlfriend, Amy?). You go, Jason. Later that evening, Jason is dining with Fellowship leaders Steve and Sarah Newlin. As Steve is scolding all vampires as baby killers, Sarah enters and offers Jason some banana pudding and Steve says the series’ greatest line thus far: “Sarah desn’t whip out her pudding for just anyone.” A pretty gross double entendre, yeah, but still pretty funny.

Sam decides to go swimming in the bayou (it’s another world down there folks, don’t judge) and is joined by Daphne. She should be working on her waitressing skills if you ask me. When Daphne removes her shirt, we see clawmarks much like the ones Sookie suffered earlier. Awesome.

So, what’s up with the minotaur? There was a suspicious cut in the episode that may be a clue. As Pam and Chow are reporting to Eric about the monster in the woods and they state that it left human footprints and smelled gnarly. Cut to: Maryann’s caged pig. Does Maryann have some kind of shapeshifting pig-hybrid at her command? That would atleast help me appreciate Maryann a little more.

- Oh Mars