Holy. Shit. After last week’s girly episode, we get this beast. It was like the producers had all their writers sit down and try to out batshit each other. A much welcomed change with only one cringe-worthy moment (see: Sookie’s Erik fantasy).

Sookie, Jason, and Bill return to Bon Temps to find it looking like 28 Days Later – or as Bellefleur puts it, “It’s like New York City out there.” The whole town seems to be under Mary Ann’s black-eyed hex; fucking and fighting in the street. Back over at Mary Ann’s, a giant meat-cross is being constructed as an offering to the god coming to visit. Mary Ann insists on using the good meats, like liver. She also insists on sacrificing Sam to this god. All this pomp leads me to believe we’ll finally be wrapping up Mary Ann’s story, I can’t see this demonic windbag being around another season causing this much hooplah. Oh yeah, Bill attempts to drain her and ends up puking black-goddess blood out the car window. Lolz. Sookie has a magic touch. Dumb.

Sam and Bellefleur are drawn out of hiding by Arlene, who tells them there’s an emergency at Merlotte’s. It’s a trap, doy, and the dynamic duo end up barricading themselves in the freezer. Perfect for a rescue by chainsaw-wielding Jason, who, sadly, does not use the chainsaw. It was still pretty badass when he halved that CD player. The scene that plays out next is pretty much the most ridiculous thing, even for True Blood. Jason duping all the black-eyes into believing he’s a god by wearing no shirt and a gas mask, with Bellefleur holding a branch behind his head, was amazing. I wish my abs were that persuasive. I wish I had abs. Sam turns into a fly and reappears wearing only an apron with his bum sticking out. This show…is fucking ridiculous.

BIG deal this episode was Evan Rachel Wood’s leg. Hands down. She’s going to play the Queen of Louisiana. Which is awesome because I like my women pale and red-headed (must love dogs), but also kind of sucks because I don’t want any more political hierarchy bullshit on the show. It’s boring and somewhat pointless – remember Godric?

The episode title is from the song during the closing credits, by King Britt and Sister Gurtrude Morgan. You can listen to it here. A nice quiet before the Bon Temps Storm.

- Oh Mars