
(Moderate spoilers ahead. You’ve been warned.)
Oh Batman, I never knew you were a fucking romantic. But as it turns out, your newest video game is a love letter to several amazing things. I picked up Arkham Asylum not really knowing what to expect. It had gotten crazy reviews, which is a thing of change for comic book video games. Usually they’re suffocating pieces of dog shit. Even the Batman ones. Go look up Batman Forever for Saturn. Come back to me with your hands covered in your own vomit and blood.
So yeah, it had gotten good reviews and starred the Batman, which was enough to sell me. But Arkham Asylum turns out to be a throbbing love letter by Eidos not only to the Batman universe, but also to gaming in general.
The premise of the game is enough to make even the most jaded Batfan excited. Joker infiltrates Arkham Asylum, in an effort to you know, steal shit and go bonkers. Coincidentally, like all of Batman’s rogues gallery just happens to be there. Go figure. It’s a little convenient, but let’s not be dicks about it. It’s actually a decent way to round up the entire Batman universe into one location.
If you can’t swallow that reasoning in video game based on a comic book about a guy who dresses up as a Bat, then you’re probably in league with the rest of the people in the world I hope kill themselves, or are maimed by the Batmobile during one of Bruce’s drunken nights with a bunch of hot sluts in the back and too much vodka in his blood.
Don’t think a billion dollars can’t cover up some heavy shit.

To fatten the deal Eidos brought on Paul Dini to scribe the entire thing. You may recognize Dini as the dude behind Batman: The Animated Series (TAS), as well as a slew of Batman comic books. As well, they brought on Kevin Conroy to voice Batman, reprising his work on the animated series, as well as Luke Skywalker to voice the Joker. I don’t think it’s a secret that Mark Hamill has been the voice behind Joker in TAS, and this news alone was enough to send nerd across multiple nerd kingdoms into fits of ecstasy.
As an aside, it’s nice to hear Batman with a voice that doesn’t sound like he’s been trying to squeeze out a Batshit for two weeks to no avail. Say what you will about the Nolan/Bale Batman movies, they’re awesome, they blow, whatever. I dig them. However, Bale’s Batman voice is a raging bout of constipated fury through the movies. I can only imagine the constipation arises from the fact that Wayne sweats constantly in his thick leather suit, and is dehydrated like a motherfucker.
And then there are the gadgets. It’s a Batgasm. Seriously. Batmobiles and Batclaws and Batman Zip-Lines and shit. It goes on and on. The fanservice is ridiculous. There’s a point where the Batplane smashes through a ceiling to deliver Wayne a Batgrapple or some shit. The sound of the turboprops through a 5.1 system while the graphics engine works its ass off is ridiculous, and I mean that only glowingly.
All of this tethered around a beautifully written story that easily could have been an animated movie or a brilliant arc in Detective Comics.
But that shit is only half the battle, right? (Go Joe.) At the end of the day, the game has to play well. And holy shit it does.
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