As pop culture gluttons, we’re all familiar with the idea of taking something old, tweaking it a bit, and turning it into something new. A certain someone’s flip of the classic aviator cap, or maybe a lumberjack plaid or pea coat is just such an example. Hate the plug? OK, what about Cylons as Morlocks and/or Strider as Jesus? There is nothing new. Nothing at all. It’s all been thought of by smarter folks. Forever.

Bang your head up against it? Never. Embrace the motherfucker. Find one of the oldest written ideas you can find and make it your own. And make it Eternal.

Grendel, by John Gardner, is the story of Grendel, the main antagonist from Beowulf, one of the oldest pieces of written Anglo-Saxon lore. Beowulf—that time-honored and much book-reported tome—follows Beowulf (the character) as he battles a monster, Grendel, Grendel’s mother, and—later—a dragon.

Grendel (the book) tells (roughly) the same story from the monster’s perspective, and in so doing, makes for some of the most existentially fascinating monologues and discourses that I’ve ever read. His prose is—again, for me—a mixture of this sort of Updiked visual crossed against William Carlos Williams’ curt, no-shit directness with a TS Eliot cherry on top. In other words, it’s just totally refreshing, irreverent, and weird.

A grain of salt: this is a book they have you read in college. But! Just like Lord of the Flies, it’s worth it. It’s one of the best books I’ve read in my adult life, and if you’re at all tantalizing of watching Independence Day from the Aliens’ perspective (or maybe Friday the 13th from Jason’s perspective…think of all the waiting around. What does he do during the day?) then you should do yourself a favor and check this book out.

A grain of sand: I got shit from the guy at the bookstore because I bought the SparkNotes. Something about this text is so strange and hallucinatory…it stuck in my teeth for weeks. I went back through and read it again—this time with my crib sheets—and some of the symbolism was totally lost on me the first time. Anyway. it’s amazing.

Here’s an excerpt (after the jump)…one of the finest pages of prose ever written (IMO).

Grendel in quotes, Beowulf in italics (from the text):

“If you win, it’s by mindless chance, make no mistake. First you tricked me, and then I slipped. Accident.”

He answers with a twist that hurls me forward screaming, The thanes make way. I fall against a table and smash it, and wall timbers crack. And still he whispers.

Grendel, Grendel! You make the world by whispers, second by second. Are you blind to that? Whether you make it a grave or a garden of roses is not the point. Feel the wall: is it not hard? He smashes me against it, breaks open my forehead. Hard, yes! Observe the hardness, write it down in careful runes. Now sing of walls!

Sing!

I howl.

Sing!

“I’m singing!”

Sing words! Sing raving hymns!

“You’re crazy. Ow!”

Sing!

“I sing of walls,” I howl. “Hooray for the hardness of walls!”

Terrible, he whispers. Terrible. He laughs and lets out fire.

“You’re crazy,” I say. “if you think I created that wall that cracked my head, you’re a fuckign lunatic.”

Sing walls, he hisses.

I have no choice.

- Hateball