Invincible Iron Man #17
Ah, that sound you hear is the sound of a five-week month. Whenever there are five Wednesdays in a month, invariably one of those weeks is filled with fluff. And judging from the release lists, this is that week.

So you’ll be able to save some money and buy an extra six-pack for your Labor Day weekend.

Over in Invincible Iron Man, we’re being hit with part fucking ten of the current arch, World’s Most Wanted. I couldn’t believe it when I was reading the previews for the comic. Part. Ten. Jesus Christ. No storyline should ever contain ten issues. That’s mammoth.

The whole Tony Stark versus Norman Osborn thing that spawned from the conclusion to Secret Invasion has dragged on infinitely, and it shows with this title. I can only imagine now that there’s going to be a Norman Osborn / Jafar team-up they need to keep Osborn in the picture for as long as possible. DARK REIGN: ARABIA! Can you fucking wait for this shit?! I knew Disney buying Marvel was going to pay off in solid gold.

Kidding aside, I really dig Fraction’s work on Invincible. He’s been scribing the title since it started and I’ve followed along faithfully. It’s not particularly stunning in any regards, it’s just solid. Every month I pick it up, enjoy it, and then it fades away to the back of my mind.

This issue totally promises to feature Tony “blowing it” as his scheme to take down Norman Osborn fails in some regard. The dude has been regressing through the entire arc, as he “formats” his brain like it was some piece of shit running Windows ME. Of course you’re going to fucking blow it dude, you’ve reduced yourself to Lenny from Of Mice and Men.

Playing the guessing game, I’m going to venture a guess that Stark has some sort of HARD DRIVE IMAGE of his brain. And then once he is drooling and fudging his pants, he plans on taking down Osborn and then reformatting his brain with some sort of IMAGE of how it was prior to his descent into tard madness.

I could be entirely wrong.

The rest of Marvel’s releases look like indeed a filler week. Stuff that probably won’t sell except to nut jobs who have to own every Marvel comic. Iron Man & The Armor Wars #2, which I’ve never heard of. Luke Cage Noir #2, which answers the question “Why can’t Marvel make money?” and oh! Trojan War #5. I should come clean and admit that I had no idea any of these titles existed before today. And I’m not sure I’m any better off now, knowing they do.

Looney Tunes Vol. 3 #178
That sound is the sound of the tumbleweeds rustling by on this barren week. There’s a bunch of unexciting shit coming out for DC this week, but I was like, fuck it, LOONEY TUNES, bitches! I mean, who don’t love them some Coyote on Road Runner hate?

But no, seriously. With the weak line-up I’m pimpin’ Looney Tunes for the serious reason that is, these comic books sell. A lot. I didn’t realize it until recently. I was spending some time shooting the shit with my local comic book owner, Dean. I always roll up in there, spend about four seconds grabbing the shit off the rack, and then like twenty-five minutes talking comics, Battlestar Galactica (somehow every fucking week), and women in television we lust for.

So I’m sitting there one day, and I’m snagging the first Captain America: Reborn and I comment on how it’s a big week. Whatever, I don’t remember what was coming out. And he’s like, yeah, Archie #600. I’m sure you’re excited about that! He’s kidding around, and so I laugh. I laugh the derisive laugh of a shitty comic book nerd. And I’m all:

Yeah, that’ll sell.

Cue more snickering by me, the douchebag.

And he turns to me and laughs, and he’s like:

It’s probably going to be our biggest seller this week.

He points at a rack of children comic books that sit right near the entrance. There’s Sonic the Hedgehog, and Archie, and Looney Tunes and shit. I had never born the rack any consideration. I walk past it every week with a friendly wave as I made my way to the new releases.

But after the dude told me this, I noticed something. Time and time again, as we have shot the shit the past few weeks, little kids would come it. Summer vacation, their bloated soccer Moms in tow. And more and more these tiny little teacup humans would grab the newest issue of Sonic with a grin, and walk out.

Dude wasn’t fucking around. These things sell.

I mention it only because as much as I like to laugh at dumb shit like Looney Tunes Vol. 76 #864, those same silly comic books are keeping my local shop open. And if you’re like me, you fear for your local shop. Comic Book Day is like therapy for me every week. I happily skip my prissy little skip into the comic store. I wave hello, I bask in the nerdy stench of plastic, paperboards, and cheesy comic t-shirts. And I leave feeling just a little rejuvenated.

Between the advent of digital distribution, the fact that the average comic book fan is thirty-nine and lives at home with his parents (like me!) and sales plummeting and plummeting, I can’t help but lament that my shop, Web Head, is on borrowed time.

So thank you Speedy fucking Gonzales, for hooking it up. You are a true pimp.

The rest of the DC Universe is full of amazing stuff this week like Final Crisis: Afterman Run #5 (take that, DARK REIGN), and a stellar Supergirl annual. Like I said, it’s a sparse week. If you’re like me, use this week to catch up on all those comic sitting on your desk, staring at you. Letting you know they’re aware of how awful and neglectful you are. Or you could buy Solomon Grundy #7 (Blackest Night Tie-In) like a underwear stain and waste your precious hamburger money.

It’s up to you!

- Caffeine Powered