In a future that’s not entirely unforeseeable, the U.S. is in irreversible economic turmoil. Citizens are being corrupted by crime, drugs, and rollerblading while ethnic gangs mow each other down in the streets. The most powerful of these gangs is the Rollerboys, a group of white supremacists who fund their violent inline operations through the distribution of a drug called “mist.” Corey Haim stars a Griffin, a pizza delivery boy who struggles to live an honest life while raising his little brother and practicing backflips at the skate park. But the future’s a bitch and lil bro gets hooked on Mist. Choir boy Griffin eventually agrees to work with the police as a mole and infiltrate the Rollerboys. Speaking of moles, Patricia Arquette plays an undercover cop, who employs tactics like making out and taking off her panties to rope in Griffin. While all this is going on, the Rollerboys’ mysterious prophecy of the Day of the Rope is drawing near…

All homicidal racism aside, the Rollerboys are an awesome crew. They rock white trenchcoats, skate in sync, carry bazookas, and throw huge parties with naked women and carousels. The party scene even features “Head Like a Hole!” They get around the smooth streets of LA easily enough on their blades, but that’s not good enough for their leader, Gary Lee, who has a rocky past with Griffin (they used to be next-door neighbors). Lee has his sights set on conquering all of America, and is such a megalomaniac he buys an aircraft carrier. Below is Gary Lee’s salute, which looks like the stance someone takes when they don’t know how to fight.

There are plenty of action sequences and they’re honestly pretty sweet. A big part of this is because Haim rollerblades in real life, so there are hardly any bogus shots of stunt doubles wearing wigs. No rollerblading action movie is complete without sweet jumps, and there’s about 500 in Rollerboys. They mainly involve jumping over obstacles while explosions assault the LA background. The final bladin’ battle between Griffin and Gary Lee is epic and the end leaves shit wide open for a sequel. It’s been almost 20 years since Rollerboys, we’re about due.

Director Rick King went on to do Kickboxer 3, but was unfortunately not invited back for Kickboxer 4: The Aggressor. The writer of Rollerboys, however, has a much more awesome resume. Scribe W. Peter Iliff‘s follow-up was a little movie called Point Break. His love of extreme sports is apparent, and he even continued his passion for bladin’ with a TV series called Blade Squad, which I would murder to get a VHS of.

Our Roller-Fiction Retrospective continues tomorrow with Solarbabies.

- Oh Mars