Spider-Man Clone Saga #1
Hell fucking yes! Ben Reilly and the legion of Spider-Man clones that ran buckwild in the 1990′s Spideyverse are coming back tomorrow in this comic. If you were unlucky enough to miss it, some truly fucking insane shit went down in Peter Parker’s life back in the day. During the Clone Saga story arc, it was revealed that the dude we had known to be Peter Parker for the last three-million issues was in fact a clone. The real Peter Parker was some dude named Ben Reilly, who took over the mantle so fake Peter Parker could go and raise his kid with Mary Jane.

And then the nerd community went fucking apeshit. Wave after wave of angry nerd inundated the Marvel offices with hate mail. Comic book conventions were filled with emo kids before emo kids were around, screaming to the high heavens about what had transpired. Ignoring the fact that Ben Reilly was awesome, and had bleach blond hair, they couldn’t believe that they had been duped for so long!

If there was the internet back in 1994, it would have been flooded with hate and rage the likes of which the average human could not fathom.

Marvel understandably shit its pants and reversed the storyline as fast as god damn possible. Ben Reilly was – gasp! – actually the clone. Peter Parker could once again reclaim the mantle, leaving his baby to be thrown into a dumpster or some shit because they dropped that storyline like woah. Order was restored to the comic book universe.

But what about people like me who totally fucking dug the storyline? Well apparently, thirteen years later, we’re getting a shot to see how the storyline was actually intended to unfold. This six-issue mini-series promises to show us what would have occured before fanboys began ripping out their own pubes in anger and flipping over their plates of microwaved chicken nuggets beyond themselves in anger.

I’m stoked. I dug the crap out of Ben Reilly. Even at thirteen, I never understood what the insanity was about. Like, didn’t everyone realize that eventually everything would return to normal? Couldn’t they just chill out and wait until the writers finished the arc which would have probably revealed Ben Reilly to be Mysterio or some crap? But no, everyone had to wile out. And I was fucking jipped!

So yeah! I’m stoked to see where this is going to go. Fuck Captain America: Reborn, this is the big event that I’m sweating. It’s not canon, and it’s just a What-If, but who friggin’ cares. Hopefully Ben Reilly comes back, and is all like:

Yo Parker, why are you chilling as a high school teacher and not talking to Mary Jane and ignoring the fact that you had a kid? Wait, you had your relationship with MJ erased to save your rickety-ass Aunt May from death and shit? You truly are a dicksore.

And then of course they throw down.

Also coming out from Marvel is Marvel Divas #3, which features chicks doing something. And then there’s Dark Reign Lethal Legion #3, which has somehow escaped my wrath that I direct at everything  Dark Reign related. And finally if you really want to waste some money, pick up Hulk #15, which stars a Red Hulk whose identity hasn’t been revealed for a solid year and a quarter. I’m putting my money on Betty Ross. Some guy seriously suggested that at the comic book shop I frequent, and I found myself thinking it is so fucking awful it could be true. Imagine a person who only transforms into a Hulk when they’re menstruating? Epic.

Superman #692 (Codename Patriot Epilogue)
Listen, I’m with you. I have absolutely no idea what the fuck is going on in the Superman books currently. I know that Superman has been whisked off-world, hanging out on a restored Krypton. I don’t keep up with the Superman books. There are too many of them, and while they claim to be stand-alone, they’re always cross-referencing shit that is going on on some different book. Apparently James Robinson is currently writing the title, so it could be half-decent. Any title that has parenthesis as part of it gets my attention however.

Also going on is a bunch of Blackest Night style-junk. Green Lantern #43 has the Sinestro Corps beefing internally, while Hal wants to kick Sinestro’s ass, and zombies want to eat all of their brains. It’s like some dysfunctional Thanksgiving dinner or some shit.

And that’s about it for my pull-list this week. With the Blackest Night and Dark Reign brands taking over almost every title, I’ve been consistently pruning the titles I’m actively reading. I’m all for the mega-events, but I’ve been pretty fucking burnt out this year from them. Even shit like Captain America: Reborn has been underwhelming, and titles I used to be able to count on like Daredevil have seen turnovers in their creative teams.