Doritos – Late Night Tacos at Midnight (2009) [Frito-Lay] // Grade: D

I haven’t Bloglined in a while. I broke my leg water-skiing and it was a long and messy procedure to get all the water and microscopic shrimps out of my wound. I’m finally conscious again so I figured I’d blog about a thing of grave importance.

I was at the corner store getting a sandwich and I saw a type of Dorito I’d never seen before. These Doritos taste like tacos, tacos that you eat when you’re having a late night. How late? Oh, is MIDNIGHT late enough for you?

The comic store I shopped at growing up, A Timeless Journey shared a few parking spots with a sex store called After Midnight. I thought that maybe you need to get your tacos at midnight because after midnight they are used by saggy, sad-faced couples as marital aids. One time my horny dad and I were getting comics and we saw Catholic school girls leaving the sex store. It was a very erotic moment between a father and son. When the girls got into their car to leave, all the windows rolled down and lit cigarettes poked out. I am filled with sexual dynamism just thinking of this memory.

Doritos also recently debuted a flavor called Last Call Jalapeno Poppers. What’s with food themed around the end of the day? If the idea is to make chips that taste like they’ve been sitting out and spoiling all day then mission accomplished. It’s hard to deny that the grossening of Doritos has been increasing in the past few years. In 2007 they released a mystery flavor which turned out to be “cheeseburger” flavored. In 2008 they perhaps reached the Everest of grossness with another mystery flavor which was horribly revealed to be Mountain Dew.

Doritos are gross on their own, they don’t need to be engrossened. Ever since 1966 when the Dorito was bestowed upon our moist mouthholes they have been a dusty and crusty snack that was sure to make you look foolish and unclean. The Dorito dust hits saliva and turns into a nauseating goo. It gets in your clothes, hair and eyes, you can’t get it off your fingers. Doritos should come packaged with plastic gloves and a paper bag to put over your head so you can anonymously be disgusting. At midnight.

Contest:
If you can name the original flavor that Doritos came in I’ll will mail you the rest of my bag of Doritos Late Night Tacos At Midnight.(Post your answers in the comments section of this post)

- Toilet Cobra