What is it about getting older that makes you (read: me) want to listen to more and more music from your past? Is it a lazy thing? Maybe it’s a hearkening to better days or whatever? Possibly even possessing something so pedestrian as the idea of ‘comfort’ and making us (me again) totally boring and lame? Surely it can’t be that today’s music (or tomorrow’s!) isn’t as good as those time-honored gems from yester-decade. But what, then, is it about listening to Appetite for Destruction that just feels so good for all of us thirtysomethings out there? Why, no matter how hard we try or how far our eyes roll back into our head when it comes on the radio, are we unable to NOT sing or at least hum along to ‘Pour Some Sugar on Me’? It’s awful. Right?

Regardless of your feelings about Joe Elliot and his tattered jeans, there is absolutely a strain of our collective DNA that traces back to the glam 80s. It was a world happening. Hell, as a midrange Gen-X baby (born after Star Wars but before Empire, natch) I was relatively late to the game, and yet I still can’t shake the part of my psyche that’s narrated by Adam Curry and has ‘Unskinny Bop’ as background music.

Sound at all familiar? Interested in plumbing the depths of your musical past? Wondering who Chuck Palahniuk would have to have retarded, grammarless kids with in order to replicate the writing style of one Yours Truly? Look No Further, friend.

Fargo Rock City (A Heavy Metal Odyssey in Rural North Dakota), by Chuck Klosterman is the funnest and most age-appropriate book on music and music ‘history’ a child of the 80s could hope to find. For me, Klosterman is absolutely required reading, and I thoroughly enjoy his essay/article work, but if you only read one thing of his, you should definitely start here. The book starts in 1983 with the release of Motley Crue’s ‘Shout at the Devil’, and ends in 1997 with that same band’s reunion performance at the American Music Awards. In between are some landmark (and not-so-landmark) dates in 80s music history, along with some of the best-written, most personal, and self-deprecatingly funny anecdotes from the author’s life.

I originally read this masterpiece a couple years ago and picked it up yesterday for a refresher in preparation for this review. I have now read it twice. Some highlight chapters. To Wit:

Summer, 1986: Poison.

October 15, 1998: Heavy Metal’s finest hour: The three best-selling albums on the planet are Bon Jovi’s New Jersey, Guns N’ Roses Appetite for Destruction, and Def Leppard’s Hysteria.

September 10, 1990: Warrant releases Cherry Pie. In a CD review for my college newspaper, I call this record ‘stellar’. It is three years before I am allowed to review another album.

**Also, pay special attention to Klosterman’s patented ‘Jack Factor’ where he rates albums by how much you’d have to pay him to never listen to them again, as well as his deep thoughts on Slayer.

The King of Crunk aka Lil Jon, is back in full effect with his new single “Give It All You Got”! This will be a chart topper and dance floor radio anthem; synth driven, vocal stylings and of course standard badman Lil Jon drops! New album Crunk Rock out soon!

Here’s a Behind the scenes look at the green screen club scenes of the video. If ya wanna get yer Lil John stylee on, check out our store for the Crime for All Seasons Sweater, Oversize Mop crew, Bad Luck New Era and BASS new era.

LONG LIVE THE KING!

My HsinChu connection just tipped me off to a really hilarious interview with X-Men 3 director Brett Ratner that was posted in Complex not too long ago about his start in the video industry via early 90′s hip hop and R&B. Ratner sits down to reveal some of his favourite stories involving the making of six iconic urban videos which include Public Enemy’s “Louder Than A Bomb”, Redman’s “Tonight’s Da Night”, Heavy D’s “Nuttin’ But Love”, Jodeci’s “Freek N’ U”, D’Angelo’s “Brown Sugar”, and the million dollar Wu Tang epic, “Triumph”.

Ratner admits all kinds of stuff including the whole Wu Tang clan being fucked on mushrooms for the filming of Triumph and Redman getting Ratner to include his mom in the filming of “Tonight’s Da Night” so he could show a “white hoe” buying drugs from him. Great stories here behind some late golden era hip hop.

Growing up, I was weaned on a steady diet of thrash metal, epic movies, and high-fructose food products. I spent my afternoons hanging out with friends, listening to Rust in Peace, eating fattening food and jerking off to my Star Wars figures.  So it makes sense that the upcoming PS3/360 game, Brutal Legend, is a wet dream of mine realized in polygons.

The premise is metal nerd epicness. The main character Eddie Riggs, voiced by Jack Black, is a disenfranchised roadie for some shitty nu-metal band. He laments the birth of shitty turntable metal and harkens back to a better time.

Oh yeah, and then he’s crushed by a falling piece of a concert stage, and transported into a world where he is recognized as some prophesied warrior, set to…I don’t know fucking save something. The world, probably. I mean, c’mon, it’s an epic adventure.

The world it’s set in is ridiculous fanfare. It’s filled with grim reapers and huge sprawling metal monsters that launch fire out of every orifice. It’s fucking absurd. I recently rocked the demo and I did my best to fight the half-chubby that was growing in my pants.

It’s also sporting a ridiculous cast of voice actors. Aside from Jack Black, whose slap-sticky tomfoolery seems to have been created to play this part, the game’s voice acting features Lemmy, Ozzy, Halford, and geek comedian messiah Brian Posehn. Complimenting that is a soundtrack that promises a handjob to anyone who has ever worshipped the heavy metal thunder: King Diamond, the Scorpions (shut up you love them), Diamond Head, Mastodon, Testament, on and on into infinity. I can’t even list the line-up, it’s enormous and you’d get bored and tell me to fuck myself. Which you’re probably already thinking.

All of this would be a shiny bag of dogshit if that gameplay didn’t deliver. Worry not, followers of the shred. Tim Schafer is directing the game. If you’re into gaming, you’ve heard the guy’s name even if you haven’t played his games. I say this because while they’re all cult hits, they’ve sold cumulatively nine copies. Dude is the guy behind The Secret of Monkey Island, Grim Fandango, and Psychonauts. His resume reads like a fucking hit list of critical acclaim.

It’s a straight-up action/adventure gameplay that you’ve probably been raised on. It’s like Ocarina of Time with demons and Flying Vs instead of elves. It’s like Kingdom Hearts with tits and swearing instead of the odd homo-pedophilia between Sora and Donald. There’s juggling in it like Devil May Cry, but instead of slashing with a sword you uppercut the shit out of dudes with your giant axe.

No, not a guitar. You use that for stunning foes with electricity. I’m talking a straight-up axe that you snag out of the ground like it’s Excalibur.

In other words, it’s a highly refined version of the action/adventure gameplay you’ve rocked before. Except you’re sporting a sick leather vest, chin pubes, and an axe.

I can’t wait for this god damn game. Playing the demo only reassured me that Schafer’s knowledge of the metal universe as well as his ability to direct fucking optimum games will provide for awesomeness. Dust off your copy of Practice What You Preach, throw on your old Exodus t-shirt and get ready to fucking slay.

Brutal Legend drops on October 13 for both the PS3 and 360.

The Almighty Defenders - S/T (2009) [Vice] // Grade: C

Remember when the Black Lips got a little out of control back in January in India, ending with the premature cancellation of the remainder of their tour and police escort straight out of the country?  The band’s now internet famous antics succeeded at not only generating buzz, but led to the launch of their newest musical project, The Almighty Defenders.

When the Black Lips fled India, they ended up in Berlin at the house of King Khan. In a whirlwind eight days, the two acts, accompanied by Khan’s BBQ Show bandmate, Mark Sultan, laid down the 11 tracks that would become The Almighty Defenders self-titled, debut release. Gritty from start to finish, and sounding every bit the product of the impromptu weeklong jam session from which the album was birthed, it’s hard to decipher whether The Almighty Defenders are the next group to watch, or a one-off project we’ll never hear from again. Hints of gospel and doo-wop influence mix with a heavy dose of bluesy garage on the rough around the edges release. While I genuinely love the sound of this album, the execution leaves much to be desired. If I didn’t know the band’s backstory it might bother me less, but both the Black Lips and King Khan are acts capable of their own brand of sophistication and finesse, and I can’t listen to this album without thinking how good it could be with a little more follow through.

Another roadblock standing in the album’s way is that the Almighty Defenders never feel like a group and as  a result, this never feels like an album. While all three acts may have been performing on the tracks together, it doesn’t feel like they’re writing these together. Each song has a different of head of this Garage Cerberus leading the charge and the result sounds more like a compilation where each song may as well have be accredited to each act separately.

But If you can get past all of that you will find a collection of songs that are an aggressive mix of catchy and just plain odd.  “Bow Down and Die” is a murky and thoroughly addictive, hook-heavy gem. “All My Loving” wails in raspy voiced splendor and album closes with the most interesting of its tracks, a bizarre and nearly incoherent holy rolling sermon titled, “The Great Defender”.

Maybe it was fate that brought The Almighty Defenders to fruition, or maybe it was just accident. Their debut release is as surprising as their formation and hides all the makings of a great musical project if, and when, the band decides to take it seriously.

Now Available: Secret Base Obake Dog Mask C!

Obake Dog is not dead! This is the newest release of our favorite Secret Base creation!

This new Obake Dog has a full zip Luche Libre, Bape-esque hoodie as well as a clown necklace that looks very like something our Juggalo brethern could get down with!

The Obake Dog comes in 3 colors, your order gets you a random color of Black, Red, or Blue. (Sorry its random, so no refunds or exchanges or requests).

We’re also the ONLY store in the USA selling this Obake Dog. How cool is that!?

Tonight and tomorrow night, California Lo-Fiers Wavves & Ganglians hit the east coast for two show in Manhattan and Brooklyn. Both bands put out two of 2009s best albums and are worth checking out if you’re in town.

WAVVES
A sunsplashed photograph says more about the crusty and ecstatic world of California skaters than a high-res video, and the fuzzed out punk of Wavves works on the same principle; all is revealed in the undertones of their abrasive distortion. And as ear-perkingly original as they are, there’s something reminiscently California about their nihillistically elative two-piece jams. Last time they were in New Yorker, frontman Nathan Williams rocked his set with a broken wrist from a skateboarding accident. He returns to Santos triumphantly, skeleton intact.

GANGLIANS
Injecting some 70′s-era bluesy psychedelia into staticy Sacramento Punk, Ganglians are raw dance punk, modern surf rock if it wasn’t trying to sound like old surf rock. Their spunky tunes seem to turn multiple corners for their short duration. A sweaty good time for all.

Thursday, September 24th 7pm
Santo’s Party House
96 Lafayette St
New York, NY
$12 Cover

Friday, September 25th 8pm
Market Hotel
1142 Myrtle Ave
Brooklyn, NY
$10 Cover

The Anals – Total Anal (2009) [Permenant] // Grade: A-

For a while now France’s best musical export has been in Electro and Dance based, but there’s something genuinely awesome brewing that doesn’t have anything to do with Ed Banger. The scene is centered in the city of Metz, in the northeast of France where a small and incestuous group has produced a handful of interesting bands.

The Anals are one such band whose debut Total Anal is one of 2009′s more challenging and satisfying releases to date. Consiting of a B. Marietti (drums, guitar) & E. Satti (vocals, bass & synths) the duo (who are also in the Metz band A.H. Kraken) form a refreshing and accurate throwback to the nihilistic Neue Deutsche Welle & American Pigfuck scenes. It’s caustic, rhythmic and a completely transfixing heaping of primal Proto-Industrial goodness. From the agonizing thump of “Vaginal Death Tunnel” to the primitive electronic bop of “Wake Up You’re Dead” Total Anal pulsates from the speakers like some cathartic blood-letting that gradually unravels into sweet, sweet dementia.

This definitely isn’t a release for everyone, but those with a sick tooth for the abrasive and experimental, this is as tasty as it gets. With the ability to capture this as well as they have on record, I can only imagine how mind-blowing of an experience it would be to see The Anals perform live. Hopefully the make it over the Atlantic to NY sometime soon.

NBC’s Community is, to put it simply, awesome and probably the funniest new show in a long time. A big reason for this is Joel McHale, but another essential is writer Dan Harmon, the man who created the greatest show-that-never-was, Heat Vision and Jack, as well as the Channel 101 phenomenom.

McHale plays Jeff, a suspended lawyer who is back in school after his college degree is deemed invalid by the State Bar. The show centers on Jeff’s experiences going to community college and the people he meets there. John Oliver plays Duncan, a professor at the community college, whom Jeff represented as a lawyer. He also meets a girl, Britta, who is his main love interest in the series, as well as Pierce (Chevy Chase), an older student who has been married seven times.

Jeff reminds me of a more charming George Costanza; petty, lying, but incredibly likeable. New episode airs tonight at 9:30 and you can also check out the show on Hulu. God bless Hulu.

Fat Joe – Shit is Real

Royce Da 5’9 – Boom

Pitch Black – It’s All Real (video here)

Jeru The Damaja – Come Clean

Kanye West, Rakim, KRS-One & Nas – Classic (DJ Premier Remix)