Truth be told, I am a candy nerd. Sure, my nerdiness is not limited to just candy, but, well, when it comes to candy, I have a discriminating taste that does it’s best to balance flavor against absurdity. Value against availability. Novelty against quality.

For example. There was a year or two when Wonka made giant gumballs that were either filled with assorted nerds or a fistful of shocktarts dust. You could only buy them in a bag the size of one’s head, and they were only available at select Targets nationwide. I spent many weeknights (and weekend nights, sad) from August to November, going from Target to Target in search of these rare beasts, and I was able to stockpile so much fucking gum that I made myself sick on the things and can never touch them again. I believe they have passed into legend. Or maybe you have to buy the big pack of assorted stuff in order to get maybe one in ten. Bah. Still! They were genius.

Speaking of genius: Behold. The Halloween Dot. You may remember Dots as being a quintessential Tootsie treat that you usually get at the movies when nothing else looks good or they’re out of sour patch kids (don’t get me started on those assholes). A yellow box. A fruity–and Fruity–assortment of colored gum drops that stick to each other, your hands, your teeth, and your gums. Whatever. Dots. Woo.

Dots: whatever. Ghost Dots: Holy shit. Back in 2007, Tootsie released Ghost Dots which! aside from being the exact same fucking candy as non-ghost dots, have cool packaging, are typically not marked for individual sale, and come in a uniformly faux-GID colorscheme but retain their assorted flavor nature. In other words, Ghost Dots are amazing. Anything that looks like it should glow in the dark but is still food is amazing. Anything that looks like a cartoon booger and tastes like a cartoon cherry is amazing.

Check your candy blog feeds; Ghost Dots are here to stay. Tootsie has heard this call and answered it with this year’s gifts: Bat Dots and Candy Corn Dots.

Bat Dots are black. They are ever-so-softer than Dots or Ghost Dots. They–quite cleverly–are blood orange flavored. They are neither great or awful. They are something extra to buy when you go to CVS for your Ghost Dots.

Candy Corn Dots are two-tone. A two-tone gumdrop. A two-tone gumdrop that tastes like a buttered marshmallow. Again, not hideous, but certainly nothing like the original candy corn, which, well, who really knows what that taste is. Other than Candy Corn. They, too, are something that is much more novel than it is good, but that novelty factor is certainly worth the price of admission. Especially if you already like Dots.

If you can only go for one type of dot, go for the Ghosts. They are incredible and fun. If, however, you enjoy eating plasticky sugar products more than, say, someone who does NOT enjoy such a thing, give all three a try.

Anybody else have any favorite Halloween candies? Something that can duke it out with Nerds Gumballs and Booger Dots? Bring ‘em on.

- Hateball