Impose Magazine put together a good showcase at Don Pedro’s on Tuesday and since that’s the only place I ever have a good time I decided to check it out. On the way in the bartender brought up the video interview with Terry Gilliam I did, and the lady working the door had written an article saying that the Where The Wild Things Are booklet I did art for was better than the movie. It was a real ego fluffer.

Graffiti Monsters weren’t the first band to go on but they were the first band I saw perform. MyfriendMatthew was projecting live videos all over them. Jeremy and Mark are hyperkinetic guys who seem like really nice eighth graders even though they’re both forty-three.

Someone pulled out a sharpie and I started drawing some people I was hanging out with. There was Adam who was smiling and I couldn’t remember how I knew him. There was a girl named Sarah who had eyes like this girl I knew who got caught with pot in her locker in 7th grade. There was Nive who I thought was Nibe at first. And there was Booby as in “Booby is my mentor” from that Darth Bano remix of Hold The Line. Nive was all mad that I didn’t remember the lyric where he got namechecked. Sorry Nive, getting mentored by a guy named Booby is more exciting.

For some reason I gave Booby a big monster brain. He liked it a lot although it isn’t that great of a likeness and he wants me to do his portrait for some nefarious purpose.

I had a sharpie in my hand when Shooey Louie came over and asked me to write something on his knuckles. ” I wrote “PUNK SWIM” although it turned out he’d asked me to write “Punks Win.” Sorry, Shooey.

Telli finally showed up and he was spending time with C-Los talking about something or other. I don’t think I captured how dirty Don Pedro’s is. It is a real dirtay den of delinquency. In the front room they serve some sort of Spanish food during the day and have a bar. In the back room they have shows and a kitchen. They’ve got a balcony area that I’ve never been on and a basement with a shitty pool table, a piss cave, an unplugged Pac Man machine and zero rules. It seems like the rules at this place are don’t attack girls and that’s it.

Here are the first two songs of Ninjasonik’s set while they were still getting thing’s warmed up. My camera died soon after…

Here’s Jahjah.

Here’s Telli.

When girls start doing frat party slut antics around Telli he transforms into a very weird looking guy. This is when the show started getting nuts. Honor, Mel and Mason from my favorite band, Cerebral Ballzy showed up and started to wreck shit. Honor came over to me and then stood on a table which tipped over beneath him and he somehow fell off of it without breaking his neck. Later he fell into a pile of drum kit pieces and keyboard stands and was still doing fine. How does he do it? I think that until you’re 24 your bones are 10% rubber. After 24 you have to deal with your mortality. It’s always a party when Honor’s around although it can be a scary party where he’s trying to convince his band to let him stab a bouncer or it’ll end with him bicycling off, drunk, through the middle of traffic. Don’t die Honor.

It was around this point that my camera’s lo-batt signal started flashing and the bitches started to get naked. Oh the nakedness. At first it was these two girls but that demented looking hussy in the front was soon joined by this next girl and they were getting naked for no reason and having a good old time. These bitches would be rhythmically showing off the goods when the Ninjasonik guys would throw on PMA and everyone started jumping all over each other in a frenzied goofy pit.

Ease DaMan was there but he was too busy committing crimes to talk to me. Then he rapped a little bit. When he mentions Mishka in his raps, Greg tosses him a free pair of socks like fishes to a seal. His best rap line was “I just ate a kishka/ I wipe my ass on Mishka.” And then I stole the Nikes off his feet because it is crazy easy to steal Ease’s Nikes. He’ll look down at the office and go “Aw, Maaaaaann!” And I’ll say,“What’s wrong, Ease?” “That huge rat is wearing my sneakers!” And sure enough, there’s a big cool rat scurrying into the wainscoting, wearing a pair of Uptowns.

Shit got raw. The two girls on stage were working hard to be the biggest stage whores and eventually shit got raw. Not just raw but RAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

After the show Jahjah had to mediate a session between the two women.

I smacked this ass. Never kiss a girl’s ass who has kiss tattoos on her butt. You get bad diseases that way. She also had a snake tattooed on her tummy. I think the real snake was inside her tummy and if you fucked her the snake would bite your dick and fill your genitals with poison. I don’t trust girls with tattoos. Good night!

- Toilet Cobra