So I know what you have been thinking.  “Gee….I haven’t heard about anything totally fucked up coming out of Japan lately, they should get on that.”  Well your prayers have been answered!  See there is this video game series called Cho Aniki, and it has been around for years.   To my knowledge none of the games in the series have been released stateside… ‘TIL NOW!    The news hit that the PSP game Zero Cho Aniki would for some reason be making it overseas.  Now it actually makes sense for these games NOT to be released because they are just too fucking crazy (see similar game, Muscle March, for reference).

Zero Cho Aniki is a 2D, sidescrolling, spaceshooter…basic stuff.  BUT the premise revolves around the evil Emperor Balzac II stealing up all the “man-protein”…which is of course the source of power in the universe (like the spice in Dune)…and only the heroes Idaten and Benten can stop him.  Along the way you will have to use your “Muscle power” to get you through all five “man-mazing levels of love”.   Honestly…here are the key features straight from the press release: MUSCLE REIGNS SUPREME, MEN’S BEEEEEEEAM!, IT’S RAINING MEN!, CHOOSE WISELY.  This game is really hard to explain so below is the trailer.  Oh and after the trailer (and break) I have the full press release, which I truly believe is the greatest press release ever written.

Behold! Drink Your Protein Shake And Witness The Birth Of The Manliest Shooter EVER!

Torrance, CA (October 13th, 2009) – Aksys Games, a publisher of interactive entertainment products, proudly brings you this announcement, in exaltation of all that is manly: in spring 2010, Cho Aniki Zero will be oiled up and ready to thrust its way onto your PSP® (PlayStation®Portable) system! Sold exclusively as a digital download through the PlayStation®Store, Cho Aniki Zero gives players the chance to take part in an epic struggle alongside heroes Idaten and Benten as they blast through the muscle-bounded forces of Emperor Balzac II.

Cho Aniki Zero brings manliness back to the old-school shoot-em-up genre and, warps it to another dimension of sights and sounds. In Cho Aniki Zero, players will be introduced to brand-new characters and newly heightened experiences of rhythmic action, intertwined with the famous BGM of Kouji Hayama. Battle through five man-rageous levels of brotherly love and muscle-on-muscle madness!

The Story So Far…

Since the death of Balzac, the Builder Planet has celebrated a long period of peace.

However, as time goes by, protein becomes scarce, and protein deficiency is soon a serious problem for the Builder Planet. As people struggle for control over what protein is left, Balzac II begins his subtle rise to power…

Learning of his return, Idaten and Benten take up arms and begin their man-tastic voyage…

“Cho Aniki Zero is a real trip,” said Frank “Bo” deWindt II, Associate Producer, Aksys Games. “It’s wacky, hilarious, and just plain fun. Be it the crazy characters, the challenging gameplay, or even the out-of-this-world enemies, you’ll find yourself chugging down protein shakes between levels before you know it!”

Key Features:

• MUSCLE REIGNS SUPREME
Choose between Idaten and Benten, then select your “Option” (sidekick) such as Samson, Adon, or Micha & El. Defeat Emperor Balzac before he claims the universe’s protein for himself!

• MEN’S BEEEEEEEAM!
Too much man-action on the screen? Collect enough Man Protein to unleash the devastating attack of the Men’s Beam!

• IT’S RAINING MEN!
Blaze through five man-mazing levels of love, and bear witness to the birth and rebirth of some of the greatest bromances of all time!

• CHOOSE WISELY…
Cho Aniki Zero offers multiple paths that leads to various endings for our muscle-bound heroes!

Cho Aniki Zero has not yet been rated by the ESRB. More information about Aksys Games and Cho Aniki Zero can be found at www.aksysgames.com.

- Dr. Dinosaur