Other people have already blogged about this celebration of naked bitch-ography but their reports were all kind of chaste considering that everyone was standing around staring at nude photos. I wanted to fuck every woman at that place, especially Mikhail Bortnik and Mike Jones’s girlfriends. I even wanted to pork Shark a little bit. He smells like a woman and I bet he’s got a vadge. I just bet. Basically there were like fifteen to twenty women and a whole lot of horny, sweaty disgusting dudes. As you can see in the photo above I was so excited to meet the naked ladies that I was gnawing the fucking table apart.

This is Miguel. He was also excited about the nakedity. I’ve never dated a girl with a complicated vagina like this. They all had pretty simple anime girl vaginas. Is this kind of vagina something that only porn ladies have? I don’t know. Maybe it’s cause I don’t date girls over a certain age. It’s nineteen. Women above the age of nineteen have complicated expectations of me and complicated vaginal wrinkles. A younger woman won’t object to my Star Wars collections or lack of interest in her thoughts and feelings.

These dudes were all horny too. One of them tried to jerk off to my calendar while I was holding it. There was a lot of heavy testicles at 350 Broadway that evening. Those testicles were heavy with sperm.

This is Justine Joli. How cute is this woman? And how cute am I? Probably of equal cuteness. She’s got a smile like a cartoon cat. I would like to bone her a whole bunch and so would everybody else. Did you see her page in the calendar? Good lord, she’s like a sexy cartoon bunny come to life. I looked at her website and it first tells you that she’s the world’s hottest geek, which is a lie. That title belongs to Seth Green. Next this video starts where she’s a sexy ghost and says in this scary whisper “Do you want me?” like she’s about to eat your soul. You should check out her site but be prepared to be set upon by sexy apparitions.

This is Carrie. If you go to a Mishka event she will most likely be dressed like this giving out beers like this. She kinda looks like Dita Von Teese. If you run into her tell her I said hello and ask her to give you a little tiny beer.

Who should show up but Jahjah and Gavin. These guys are everywhere you want to be like Visa. Them and C-Los. How do those guys go to everything there is to do, every time, everywhere? I never not see them when I leave the house. Here they are giving the salute.

Oh wait, did I say Seth Green is the World’s sexiest geek? It might actually be Mike Jones, whose tummy his belongs to.

Here’s Ease Demon with me and Jessie Lee, one of the naked calendar ladies. Why wasn’t she naked in this photo? It seems like she would have been. Still, good stance. Nice legs.

Look at how packed the store is. Look at Gill’s goofy face. She’s a funny lady. I like her but she won’t give me the time of day. Maybe she’ll notice me after I ask her to be my wife right now in this blog post. “Gill will you marry me?”

This is Nicole with Igor.

This is me with Nicole. All face holes filled.

This is Arka and her friend. They are pretty cute. I want to bone them both.

Ellen Stagg is really tall. She looks like one of the elven women from Lord of the Rings when you meet her in real life.

Look at how happy I am! Ellen might be one of the prettiest white women I have ever met.

Until next time, Mishkateers.

- Toilet Cobra