To all of you internet savvy Hipsters I’m sure this is old news but Gawker launched their Hipster of the Decade poll yesterday with 10 contestants vying for this coveted honor.

1) Kari Ferrell: She is the Hipster Grifter. Discovered by Doree and metamorphosed into a star, and then a convict, and now an ex-convict, and still a star.

2) Gavin McInnes: Vice co-founder turned corporate ad man. Non-voter. Fighter. Drug-involved human.

3) Carles of Hipster Runoff: Yea, so, Carles does Hipster Runoff, and maybe some other shit?

4) Paul Sevigny: Beatrice Inn impresario. Brother of Chloe. King of the high class hipster diaspora. Savior of Atlantic City (ha).

5) Dash Snow: Downtown icon. Photographer and semen artist killed by heroin at the tender age of 27. The unintentional Basquiat of a messy subculture.

6) Dov Charney: Pervy American Apparel CEO. Stands squarely at the intersection of hipster and douchebag. Gurl U no U no who he iz.

7) The MisShapes: Leigh Lezark-led black-clad DJ trio. Pied pipers of the Blue States Lose crowd. Asymmetrical.

8) The Williamsburg Hair Man: Once known only by a crude marker drawing, he was later spotted and photographed in a Greenpoint coffee shop. His name is Chris and he seems like a nice guy. Everyone admires his verve.

9) Angel Hess, of the Purple Truck: Became a media darling for his spartan lifestyle based in a purple bread truck in Williamsburg. He was friendly, but the world was too cruel; somebody hijacked his truck, in a faraway land. There’s probably a metaphor somewhere in there.

10) The Concept of the Black Hipster: Hey, isn’t it kind of racist just to list “black hipsters” as an entire concept, rather than as a vague and near-meaningless category composed of actual individuals, many of whom are probably just as mockable as our other contestants here? Yes. Yes it is. Black hipsters are out there, if you look close!

Lets start with Gawker using an image of Telli and Jah Jah from Ninjasonik to exemplify who or what a Black Hipster may be (hahaha). You know, just in case you weren’t sure if they meant Darius Rucker or that dude from Bloc Party.

Second, where’s Mark the Cobra Snake, Steve Aoki, or even Merlin Bronques on the list? Am I missing anyone? Surely they all deserve to be on this list more than the likes of Paul Sevigny, The Hair Man of Williamsburg and Angel Hess, no? The list doesn’t specify NYC Hipster of the Decade (unless I missed that).

Finally Carles of Hipster Runoff… Ughhh I can’t wait ’til that site dies a quiet unnoticed death. It’s not funny, never was funny, and if you need further proof just follow his tweets for some of the lamest attempts at “Haha this is so lame it must be funny” gags. Has most of the population never encountered the internet personality type that is “Carles” aka the human-meme before that this seems funny and novel? These dudes are a dime a dozen and will lord over forums until that fateful when they decided to test their internet popularity in real life. It’s all downhill from there. Now that he’s attached a name with the blog’s popularity it’s only a matter of time before his ego decides it’s time to capitalize on his teh internet fame with some IRL fame. Which is when it’ll be totally failz for my bro-meme. Don’t give him the honer of being Hipster of the decade! Vote for the Hipster Grifter!

Vote for your Hipster of the Decade here! Currently Kari Ferrell is winning (as she should)!

P.S. My goal for this coming decade is to ensure Nick Gazin AKA The Toilet Cobra makes the next list.

- My Pal the Crook