Putting together this list, I realized something: it’s really difficult to rank movies. How do you compare a movie like Up to one like Antichrist? It almost seems unfair. That’s like comparing Seinfeld to The Wire! I must have shuffled these choices around a dozen times, and I don’t just mean moved number four to number six…I mean moved Brothers Bloom from number 3 to number 14. That happened with a lot of movies. There was even a tie for the number five movie! The only ranking that gave me no trouble was my number one pick – which I already know people have issues with.  Maybe next year I’ll take the Roger Ebert route and just list them alphabetically, but for now, here’s the top 10 movies of 2009. Please feel free to post your own favorites of 2009 in the comments and pardon my use of hyperbole scattered throughout.

• For #20-11 of The Bloglin’s Best Films of 2009 (Click Here)

——

10) Watchmen [Warner Bros.] // Director: Zack Snyder

Zack Snyder adapts the 80s comic masterpiece as if it was an 80s blockbuster. Violent, heavy handed, and gorgeously directed and shot, Watchmen is quite possible one of the most faithful comic adaptations of all time. After almost 30 years, Alan Moore’s work has developed its own incidental campiness that the film not only reflects, but also makes fresh. And the clincher is that while keeping Moore’s original point, Snyder updates it for our contemporary times. For the first time ever (save for Stephen King’s The Mist) an ending is changed for the better!

Not originally reviewed on the Bloglin

—–

9) Zombieland [Sony] // Director: Ruben Fleischer

The greatest zombie movie in recent history is also one of the best bromantic comedies of the year? You don’t say! Zombieland managed to take the stock scenario of a zombie apocalypse and twist it into a funny, endearing road-trip flick with Woody Harrelson in a role he was born to play. Add in a brilliant cameo by Bill Murray and what’s not to like? Also, Zombieland had the second best opening credits behind Watchmen.

Original Bloglin review (Click Here)

—–

8) Drag Me to Hell [Universal] // Director: Sam Raimi

Sam Raimi took a break from making Spidey blockbusters in 2009 to do what he does best = campy horror. And Drag Me to Hell is campy horror at it’s most brilliant, and a lot of people deemed DM2H to be his greatest film since Evil Dead II. It may have offended a lot of gypsies too. There weren’t really any surprises in the movie, but it was 100 percent entertaining all the way through to it’s brutal ending.

Original Bloglin review (Click Here)

—–

7) A Serious Man [Focus] // Director: The Coen Brothers

The Coen Brothers follow a pattern of making films with big name stars that are distributed by big studios, and then they follow up with a smaller, more personal piece. 2009′s A Serious Man is one of their most personal and turned out the be the darkest drama of the year. Rather unknown Michael Stuhlbarg delivers a classic performance as Larry Gopnik, a Midwestern father/teacher/husband just trying to do the right thing when all the forces of Heaven and Hell seem to be against him. The prologue itself could stand alone as the best short film of the year.

Original Bloglin review (Click Here)

—–

6) Bronson [Vertigo] // Director: Nicolas Winding Refn

Tom Hardy scared the shit out of me in his portrayal of real-life British baddie Michael Gordon Peterson (known by his fighting name, Charles Bronson); scared the shit out of me while I nervously laughed myself into hysterics the whole time. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. And to top off the onslaught of brutality, director Refn (The Pusher Trilogy – also highly recommended) offers the audience no answers. Bronson was just born that way. Stylish, hilarious, and tremendously creative. A true feast for your testicles.

Original Bloglin review (Click Here)

—–

5) Inglourious Basterds [Universal] // Director: Quentin Tarantino

At the end of Basterds, there’s a moment of ballsy self-reference as Donny (Eli Roth) tells Aldo Raine (Brad Pitt), “This might be your masterpiece.” If Tarantino didn’t deliver with Basterds, that line would have pissed me off, but instead, it got a fist-pump. Tarantino is known for cool, stylistic violence, but his greatest work is when people simply sit at a table and talk to each other…for around 15 minutes. What that does is make people uncomfortable and Basterds is filled with those moments, and it makes preceding brutality much more effective. In a cast of greats, Christoph Waltz stands out as the heartless Nazi Hans Landa. During the near 20 minute prologue, Waltz is fucking terrifying. Tarantino blurs the lines enough that everyone can take something different away from Basterds.

Original Bloglin review (Click Here)

—–

(!!! TIE!!!) 5) District 9 [TriStar] // Director: Neill Blomkamp

Tied for fifth place is Neill Blomkamp’s triumph, District 9. This is a movie I considered just okay when I first saw it, then after a few more viewings I grew to love. What did strike me right away is that relative rookie actor Sharlto Copley is a fucking genius. In one of my favorite performances of 2009, Copley goes through an incredibly believable emotional story arc, and if the scene where his wife hangs up on him doesn’t affect you then you have no soul. It was the second half of the film when it shifts to an action movie that initially turned me off, but I’ve grown to appreciate it for just that. What Blomkap accomplished on a relatively humble budget of $30 million is remarkable and a subtle middle finger to folks like Michael Bay. The themes of empathy and what it means to be human are sci-fi staples, but District 9 managed to present them in a truly unique way.

Original Bloglin review (Click here)

—–

4) Moon [Sony] // Director: Duncan Jones

Between District 9 and Moon, science fiction was back in a big way in 2009. Although not many people outside of the nerdosphere heard of it, a lot of heads are calling Moon the best sci-fi movie of the year. Including me. First time director Duncan Jones (son of Bowie!) hits all the right ephemeral notes and tone with the story of Sam Bell (Sam Rockwell), a man completely isolated on a Moon-based harvesting station. Starkly beautiful and emotionally devastating at times, Moon is an instant classic.

Original Bloglin review (Click Here)

—–

3) Antichrist [Zentropa] // Director: Lars von Trier

Thee date move of the year, no movie polarized more audiences in 2009 than Antichrist. Some praised von Trier for actually making an audience think (gasp!), but most just saw it as torture porn. While there are some shockingly graphic scenes, it’s von Trier masterful use of setting, symbols, and mood that drive Antichrist. From it’s visually stunning prologue to it’s cerebral conclusion, Antichrist is just so damn good. Examine evil, reevaluate misogyny, and let chaos reign!

Original Bloglin review (Click Here)

—–

2) The Hurt Locker [Summit] // Director: Kathryn Bigelow

Shit is tense! I had to walk around downtown Salem for about a half hour while my asshole unclenched from the anxiety attack that is The Hurt Locker.  Choosing to focus on the mentality of a U.S. bomb disposal unit rather than bombastic sequences of war, action film veteran Kathryn Bigelow delivered a perfect character study, which was also perfectly shot, edited, and paced. While most war films rely on heavily choreographed scenes of destruction, it’s the moments of complete silence that make Hurt Locker better than the rest. Jeremy Renner is scary good and hopefully this’ll lead to more work for him. They should start showing this in film production classes and the professor could just point at the screen and say “do that.”

Not originally reviewed on the Blogin

—–

1) Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans [First Look] // Director: Werner Herzog

I’m already going to be stoned for my number one selection, so I’ll just go out and say it…Nic Cage could be our generation’s Klaus Kinski. Director Werner Herzog’s absurdly hilarious homage to the gritty cop movie allowed Cage to flex what most criticize him for: his ability to intentionally overact . I’ve always been ride or die for Cage, but it’s a fact that his performance always depends on the director (see: Wild at Heart, Raising Arizona, Birdie). So what better combo than Herzog-Cage? Shifting between a  James Cagney-drawl and his usual delivery (for no apparent reason), Cage created one of the most hypnotically evil performances in recent memory. Herzog even stopped shooting one day because he was worried Cage was snorting actual cocaine. Bad Lietenant is the perfect example of a master director completely unhindered by studio bullshit. Herzog went out and shot off of William M. Finkelstein’s screenplay and got to film exactly what he wanted (which includes some alligators). Then they sold it. And what we got was the greatest black comedy of 2009. Did it have a great story? No, not really. But I still left the theater in awe.

Not originally reviewed on the Bloglin

- Oh Mars