Review: Vampire Weekend – Contra
Vampire Weekend - Contra (2010) [XL] // Grade: D
I once scribbled VAMPIRE WEEKEND CAUSES CANCER on a post-it and smacked it onto the monitor of a co-worker inexplicably obsessed with “Oxford Comma”. Which is to say: I thrive in a Vampire Weekend-unfriendly atmosphere, because you know what? This band is bad. Really bad. Unforgivably bad. Their only redeeming quality is the ability to pick a musical instrument out of a line-up of, like, barnyard animals and frankly, I’d rather listen to Bessie the Cow have a go at tribal-tinged indie-pop than sit through Contra one more time. I mean, at least Bessie’s saddled with the very real problem of inhumane slaughter. Vampire Weekend, as far as I can tell, have only ever had to wring their hands over the concept of nothing cute rhyming with Helvetica.
But I digress, because blahblahblahblahblah poor little rich kids. We’ve all heard it argued that this band offends mostly by shoving their silver-spooned gimmick down our throats, but let’s be serious: commercial indie-pop? Not a poor man’s paradise. Never has been. Vampire Weekend’s problem isn’t that they exude privilege—it’s that they exude the dopey, apathetic attitude particular to being proud of said privilege, even though I’d bank on that not actually being the case. It’s a “don’t you know who my father is?”, buy-your-way-out-of-a-bad-grade image, see, because despite how intellectual Contra desperately wishes to appear, it’s mostly buzzwords and bullshit. Stand it next to something like British Sea Power’s brandy-and-walnut vibe, and you’ll see the Vampire Weekend intellect for the wallpaper it is. Yes, a track like BSP’s “Oh Larsen B” features 50-cent words galore, but it’s also a stunning allegory on familiarity. If that were a Vampire Weekend song? They’d have dropped the word “allegory” a thousand times and waited for you to recognize how terribly clever they were for doing so.
And yet, Contra’s ugly nightmare goes even deeper than that, because—get this—it’s even more musically sub-par than last year’s self-titled debut. Tracks like “Horchata” (a total Dennis Miller-like reference mill if ever there was one) and “Diplomat’s Sun” cling so desperately to the booming percussion and lofty vocals beloved by fans that they refuse to, like, expand on any sort of sound. It’s still 100% co-opted from Paul Simon’s Nicaraguan and Brazilian influences—except where his felt authentic and informed, Vampire Weekend’s reek of painting by numbers. It’s tribal! It’s Authentically African! Nevermind that Africa is, like, fucking huge and not so easily reduced to one muddy sound. Paul Simon explored it already, it’s totally fine.
Thing is, Contra is ultimately too much of a boardroom record to ever be excusable. It’s a decision, not a creation, and each song sounds frantically rushed through the process. Will it captivate people like last year’s debut? Absolutely—this thing is stacked too high with the fear of obscurity and/or fan alienation not to. But if you’re looking for depth, progression or validation that Vampire Weekend are legitimately thoughtful musicians, look elsewhere. They very well could be the most informed and emotionally nuanced composers out there—you’d just never know it to hear the end result.
January 6th, 2010 at 10:14 am
I would be the album just to jerk off on the art work.
January 6th, 2010 at 10:16 am
Amen, brother brother.
January 6th, 2010 at 10:28 am
I have to give Contra the due it deserves in making their debut sound all that more listenable and enjoyable by comparison.
A picture of this album should start accompanying every mention from now on of the phrase “Rushed Album”.
January 6th, 2010 at 10:31 am
Buy ^^ (early outside)
January 6th, 2010 at 12:01 pm
I really enjoyed this review. I have to admit my longstanding confusion with regards to VW; I’ve had the debut since it came out but have honestly never been able to sit through it.
I guess my only problem now is that the slicer-dicer writeup above makes me want to clue in–even if only for a moment–just so I can experience the awful with you.
Until then, great job, Rue.
January 6th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
Hateball, definitely have a listen, if only to surround yourself with the clusterfuck. My Pal said it best earlier when he mentioned that it’s not unlistenable–it’s totally listenable, if only to make fun of it. Go stream it from their Myspace if it’s still up.
January 6th, 2010 at 12:22 pm
Their lead single is called “Horchata”… Seriously? Did VW do some market research on what exact foodie buzz word wouldn’t seem too heavy handed, but heavy handed enough to drive the upper east & west side brunch crowd into a tizzy and then name a song after it?
It actually was a pretty genius choice of song titling if that was their intent. Just saying…
January 6th, 2010 at 12:33 pm
I might be dating my musical currency here, but if I”m going to listen to 50-cent words that are clever for clever’s sake, I’ll listen to Sufjan. ‘Decatur’ off Illinois is–in my opinion–one of the truly great rhymetellectual songs of our era, and these dudes always gave me the impression that they were trying to do the same thing. Poorly.
But yes! I shall listen to it. At least there’s that cover art (as has been mentioned).
January 6th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
It sort of ruined horchata for me, which is a total effing bummer. 10 years of horchata junkie-ish isn’t an easy habit to break.
January 6th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
^^ Junkie ISM
January 6th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
You wrote 4 paragraphs about how bad something is. I think it’s your longest review yet! These guys have the most misleading name for a band EVER.
January 6th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
Hateball: Graphic and just really all-around “identity” has always been Vampire Weekends strong point. It’s the actual music itself that’s the issue.
January 6th, 2010 at 12:57 pm
@Crook: Yeah, I get it. I guess for me the main problem is that their darling-status with the pitchcrowd is totally incongruous with the fact that their music–for me–is completely forgettable (as mentioned above).
I’m no stranger to ‘working’ to get/appreciate/like a record, but when I start this one up I almost immediately find myself flipping through my library to find something different to play.
Incidentally, I felt the same way about The XX but became hooked once i heard ‘Islands’. There may be that magic track from VW for me, but so far, no go. These bands that seem to want to be ‘indie’ but also come prepackaged with reams of lore and identity and ‘brand’ throw up red flags galore for me…shouldn’t the two be (somewhat) mutually exclusive? At least at the beginning?
January 6th, 2010 at 1:14 pm
Here I fixed the cover:
January 6th, 2010 at 1:58 pm
@Cornbluth: I don’t even know why I needed that extra paragraph with Crook’s image up there. A picture is worth 548 words?
January 6th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
I admit I liked the debut, though it didn’t hold up and I eventually grew bored. I thought VW were terrible live around the time of the debut and the Contra single “Horchata” is a level of annoying comparable to Ke$ha, a mighty big feat for an indie band. So, I haven’t bothered to check out Contra yet, but I guess I should, because now I’m curious if there’s a worse track than “Horchata”
January 6th, 2010 at 10:45 pm
There is. Ooooh man, there is.
January 6th, 2010 at 10:56 pm
Horchata, Cousins and Diplomat’s Son are the album at it’s best… take that for what you will.
January 7th, 2010 at 2:46 am
This review is like witnessing a black on black crime or something
January 21st, 2010 at 11:28 am
Ughh…
Vampire Weekend Lands First No. 1 Album