I ran out of free time so now I only blog about things that don’t involve me leaving my house. I wrote about favorite my records yesterday and I wrote about my Star Wars shit last week. Now I’m going writing about my favorite T-shirts.

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10) Megadeth “I Kill… For Thrills” Hooded T-Shirt

This is one of the most amazing metal tees I’ve ever seen. Not only does it feature Vic Rattlehead as a scuba-diver on the front with the slogan “I Kill… For Thrills”, there’s a photograph of him on the back with an audacious claim as to the technical superiority of the band.

Dave Mustaine’s a humorless asshole and that’s why I like him. I like the band because they’re like a meaner Metallica with only one member that anyone knows by name. Best of all is that this shirt has a hood. How many hooded t-shirts have you seen in your life? This is probably the only one. I want to design a hooded T-shirt.

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9) Cambodian Tin Tin shirt

The Vidiot went to Cambodia for a month and he brought me back this amazing T-shirt. Tintin is a much bigger deal in Europe and Asia than he ever was in America and bootleg Tintin merchandise abounds in both continents.

Here is a close-up pf the chest hit. “Danger! Mines!” Some weird characters, Cambodia. Hmmm, I wonder how successful that Spielberg Tin Tin movie’s going to be?

That’s Tin Tin and Captain Haddock on the back of he shirt. They’re in the forests of Cambodia finding piles of human skulls and looking horrified, a warning sign about landmines is nearby. I love Tin Tin and wish this comic adventure through Cambodia actually existed.

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8) Handmade Devo T-shirt

I got this for five dollars off of eBay. It was made by some guy when he was still a teenager back in the eighties. He used the heat press equipment at his dad’s sporting goods store and cut and applied all of the decals himself. Originally the Devo face on the front had a forked tongue but I wore it once and the tongue came off so I will never make the mistake of actually wearing this tee ever again!

The sleeves were cut into a jagged zig zag and he also did something really cool with the collar that involved splitting it down the seem and applying stars to the inner part. This is one of my favorite and most awesome eBay finds ever. I still can’t believe that the tongue fell off.

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7) Sample For Unproduced Мишка Sweater

I know this isn’t a T-shirt but I love it nonetheless and I drew the illustrations for it. It breaks my heart that this is the only one of these sweaters in existence. This is based on the first drawing I ever did for Мишка and Mikhail & Brian assembled the elements into this awesome sweater.

The drawing was overly complicated and even after being simplified some on the computer it still got way distorted from my original illustration. But you know what? I like this distorted version on the sweater better. The reason that this never came out was because My Pal The Crook is a cheapskate. Please write letters and comments until this sweater gets made. Until then I am the owner of the only one that exists.

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6) Michael Barron’s Mom’s Sweatshirt

Michael Barron was my best friend when I was a little kid. He was the only kid who was skinnier, paler and nerdier than I was. When I was in high school I stole this out of his mother’s car and wore it around school a lot. We didn’t speak too much after high school but I did leave bizarre comments on his livejournal until he finally banned me.

After that I left bizarre comments on his girlfriend’s livejournal. Then I sent him an email telling him I was gay and that I considered him my true love and wanted him to come spend the weekend with me. He responded by telling me that he was certain I was lying but that everyone had always suspected I was gay. That was a few years ago. I still have this sweatshirt anyway.

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5) Handpainted Victor Cayro T-shirt

Victor Cayro was still working on this T-shirt when we filmed that one Creepy Touch episode where he beats me up. He’s disappeared recently and if anyone sees him please let him know that we all miss him, no one is angry with him and we want him to be safe.

Before he left I bought this off of him. It’s a parody of my Threadless shirt combined with a portrait of me in which I am a rat with tattoos of some of the people and companies I’ve been involved with. There’s Мишка, Vice and Andrew WK logos along with the phrase “Smoke weed and die” which I stole from him in one of my drawings. I miss that psycho.

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4) Guns N’ Roses Lies T-shirt

There are a lot of awful Guns N’ Roses T-shirts out there and this is the only good one I’ve ever seen. It doesn’t hit you over the head with the band’s name. In fact, it doesn’t even say Guns N’ Roses or G N’ R anywhere on it. On the back it has an awesome lyric from the Lies EP. I love it when living skeletons are wearing clothes and hurting people.

I’ve been doing a lot of drawings inspired by my love of this shirt. Did you know that people who attend Guns N’ Roses concerts these days wearing any T-shirt with Slash on it are asked to turn their shirt inside out? How fucked up is that? That means you probably are going to get in trouble with Axl Rose for wearing a G N’ R shirt to the G N’ R show! That is so fucking fucked up.

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3) Spy Vs. Spy T-shirt

My love and respect for Mad Magazine and the things it wrought knows no bounds. Spy Vs. Spy was created by Antonio Prohias, a Cuban refugee who spoke no English when he came to America. That’s the kind of magazine Mad was, Beautiful anarchism. I love this keyhole design and I’ve been trying to rip it off for one of my own shirts for a while but no one is into it.

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2) Doofus T-shirt

Rick Altergott’s comic, Doofus, never got the popularity it deserved but then again it wasn’t about attractive teenage girls or smart shit. It’s about two creeps who live in a creepy/cozy town and the horrible things they do. These shirts sold out years ago but Rick somehow found this one and mailed it to me as a present. I wore it in the first half of the final Creepy Touch episode. Check out this interview I did with Rick.

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1) Psychedelic Yankees T-shirt

Most Yankees T-shirts have been dogshit for the last twenty or so years. Corny macho shit about hating Boston, like that city is even worth consideration. Or they’re about how many World Series the Yankees won. I like this weird bat pattern a lot. I also like that there is a logo is printed on the shoulder. It reminds me of the Ghostbusters uniform.

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0) “Welcome To New York, Duck! Motherfucker” T-shirt

While sneaking into Yankees Stadium through the back entrance a cop saw me, pointed his fingers at me like he was holding a gun and shouted, “Duck, Motherfucker!” That rattled the fuck out of me. It’s not funny to pretend to pull a gun on someone when you actually have a gun on you.

There are a few different versions of this shirt floating around those shitty souvenir stores in NYC. If you’re not a retard you can usually talk them down on most of their trash. I like this design because it’s simple. Plus I love that it uses a photo half-tone but the trigger and hammer of the gun are drawn in. That’s efficient design!

- Toilet Cobra