Michael Barron was the person who introduced me to the everlasting warmth of Nintendo’s love. Pretty soon I was bugging my parents for one of those little grey-on-grey boxes of limitless joy for my very own. They were pretty dead-set against getting me one for Christmas. They returned from a party and told me that Santa Claus had been there and had let them know that he didn’t make Nintendos in his workshop.

Christmas morning 1990 might be one of my best memories. I got the Michael Keaton Batman movie action figure, and the associated vehicles as well as an NES. My reaction upon unwrapping this gift was somewhere between that video of the kid screaming “Nintedo Sixty-FOUUUUUUR” on Christmas and the Livefastdie song, “Got Nitedo.”  A few years back I asked my mom why she had bought one for me after it seemed like they were trying to let me down easy with that story about seeing Santa Claus at that party. She told me I was so miserable at school that it seemed like I needed something to look forward to when I got home. I don’t know where I would have ended up without videogames.

I don’t think that video games used to be better. With a few exceptions the games for the NES were punishing and cruel to the players. Repeat and memorize a few button sequences until you get it right. Then the game’s over.  What the fuck was wrong with Battletoads? Two really fun little levels and then a third that you could never get past unless you had some sort of Rainman disability. Fucking hoverbike level. Who thought that was a good idea?

Here are ten NES games I own that are noteworthy, not necessarily the best or worst of anything.  Best of lists are for losers who want to believe that such a list can actually mean something. That is except for when I do them.

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10) Adventures in the Magic Kingdom (1990)

Capcom’s NES games always seemed to have superior graphics to most of the other games.  I especially liked the way their Disney related games looked and sounded.  I have a huge Disney obsession and I revere Walt Disney as America’s greatest artist. Wandering through a rundown Disneyland i my most common recurring dream and this game is pretty good translation of my nightmares.

You wander around Disneyland and enter levels that are based on rides at Disneyland and answer Disney trivia. The levels are frustrating and boring like most old video games but the atmosphere of this game is really scary to me. A lot of video games are like dreams to me and my dreams are a lot like video games. The same person who composed the score for this game went on to score Kingdom Hearts. That’s neat.

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9) Caveman Games (1990)

This stands out for me as one of the weirdest games released for the NES. Originally released as Caveman Ug-lympics for the computer, you control one of six cavemen who have names like Thag, Crudla (the female)  and Vincent (the nerdy one). You can do any one of several tendon destroying Olympics inspired games in which you try to start a fire before your opponent,jump over a dinosaur, run away from a saber toothed tiger or some other garbage like that.

You basically just button mash until you lose.  Some of these games were pretty impossible.  I don’t think I ever managed to jump over that fucking dinosaur but one time I managed to get into his mouth.

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8) Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game (1991)

My dad bought me this game when it seemed like I might have testicular torsion as a kid and they had to do some sort of X-ray on my balls.

This sure was a fun game.  This was one of the  less torturous games to come out for the NES and definitely a jazzy time to play with friends. Also I have told this to some people already but I’d like it if people started calling me “Jazzy.”

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7) Bill and Ted’s Excellent Videogame Adventure (1991)

I rented this when I was a little kid and liked it a lot although at no point did I have any idea what was happening or what I was supposed to do. You control Ted as you wander around and look for something but what it is is hard to say.

I like the controls, the graphics and the music but at no point in my life have I ever been able to figure out how to progress even a little through this game. You can ride a canoe and a horse and  make all your enemies dance with a boom-box while you explore and talk to characters but nothing seems to happen. Does anyone know anything about this game?

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6) Remote Control (1990)

I think this is the first game based on an MTV show. How many of those are there?  There’s a Jackass game, I know that much. Remote Control was MTV’s first show not about music videos. Adam Sandler, Colin Quinn and some other comedians acted as hosts.

It was a fun n’ goofy game show about TV trivia and they made this pretty good game about it. I try to get people to play this with me but they usually refuse.  I think it holds up pretty well. It only gets difficult when it asks you trivia about MTV during 1990.

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5) Deja Vu (1990)

This is a point and click adventure set in Chicago in 1941. You wake up in a bathroom and can’t remember anything.

You point and click your way through what I remember as a fairly boring game but I am a pointy and clicky guy so it appeals to me.

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4) Ducktales (1989)

Outside of the Super Mario games, the games that featured Mario in some supporting capacity and the other official NES games made by Nintendo themselves, this might be my favorite game for the NES.  You roam around in the beautiful Capcom graphics with the beautiful Capcom music across several different worlds in a quest to become the world’s richest duck.

Along the way you receive help from the characters from the show on the Moon, in the Himalayas, in the Amazon, Transylvania and some other places. I think I beat this game with the aid of my Game Genie. What an awesome game. People who loved this game still fondly remember the Moon Level’s music as some of the best NES music ever.

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3) Final Fantasy (1987)

I wish there was a little closet I could go into where time stopped and I didn’t age so that I could play all these stupid fucking Final Fantasy videogames. Turn your mind off and level up.  So many rogue knights wandering around helping kingdoms afflicted with demons.

The title of the game is a reference to the developer being on the verge of bankruptcy and the director believing that this would be his final game before he had to figure out what else to do with this life. His swansong changed video games and was actually the beginning of his career. I think that’s beautiful. Sometimes when things look their bleakest, that’s when you’re ready to really move ahead with your life.

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2) Little Nemo: Dreammaster (1990)

I remember when this game came out and I was thoroughly confused since I loved my dad’s collections of Winsor Mckay’s beautiful Little Nemo in Slumberland comics and apart from the walking bed, this game seemed to have no relation to that.  Two years later the anime film it was based on was released in America.

Little Nemo’s Adventures in Slumberland is notable for a few reasons. Chris Cloumbus wrote the screenplay, French cartoonist, Moebius, worked on the story and Ray Bradbury came up with the “concept for screen”, whatever that is. Also the Sherman Brothers who wrote the music for every Disney movie penned the songs for this film as well. Plus famous Disney animators, Frank and Olly worked on it. You can’t find it on DVD for cheap but you can watch it on Youtube.  The animation is great but the movie starts with a kid who keeps yelling “Yippy!” After that it gets super scary. This game is just okay though.

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1) Maniac Mansion (1990)

This was one of the first NES games to be funny. You wander around a haunted mansion as one of several characters. It’s also made by Lucasarts so you know it’s quality.

It’s hard to die in this game but you can go to jail. It was later turned into a TV show that had only a passing resemblance to the game. Day of the Tentacle may have been more fun, but this is where it started.