Russia got knocked out like Ivan Drago in yesterday’s quarterfinal bout with Canada. Admittedly, that’s an imperfect analogy for a bunch of reasons: Balboa was of course wearing starred & striped shorts and not the maple leaf when he avenged Apollo Creed’s death in Rocky IV, Creed was famously introduced by James Brown and not Celine Dion, the cold war’s long over and Russia isn’t the CCCP, etc. But you get the idea. (I was gonna photoshop Doug McKenzie’s head onto Rocky in this picture, but thankfully lost momentum.)  Canada landed a Hollywood-style haymaker on Russia last night, winning hockey’s clash of the titans by the unlikely score of 7-3.

While a final score like that might indicate a compelling defensive showdown in the NFL, it’s comparatively boring in a hockey game. And as lopsided as it is, 7-3 somehow makes it sound like the contest was closer than it was. By the end of the first, Evgeni Nabokov had already been torched 4 times by the Canucks. A few minutes into the second, Canada had scored six times. For some bizarre reason, Russian coach Vyacheslav Bykov only chose to yank Nabokov at that point – with the score an unmerciful 6-1 – thus handing Ilya Bryzgalov an impossible mess. Unsurprisingly, Bryzgalov didn’t spark the miracle comeback, and after 60 minutes the mighty Russians had been felled. Coach Bykov has brought home back-to-back world championships, but this all-star squad seemed weirdly out-of-sync and sluggish for much of the tournament. So forget my last post when I said Russia was gold medal favorites; instead, just remember the part where I said you shouldn’t count the Canucks out. 

Team USA, meanwhile, won a quirky game against the Swiss that was far closer than their 3-1 meeting in the preliminary round. Ryan Miller notched his first shutout of the tournament, but the real story was Jonas Hiller in the opposing net. Hiller stopped 42, letting in just one from Zach Parise who also collected an empty-net tally in the closing minutes. The Americans will face the Finns tomorrow at noon pacific. The unfortunate start time means I will most likely contract an unexpected illness at around 2:30 PM EST and be forced to leave work, return home and self-medicate with beer.

Finally, the Slovaks proved they’re not fucking around by dispatching the Swedes, reigning Olympic champions, by a score of 4-3. Tomas Kopecky, pictured above, scored what proved to be the winning tally and the surprising Slovaks earned the right to battle the resurgent Canadians tomorrow evening. While a Slovak victory tomorrow would undoubtedly have to be called an upset, the team has plenty of talent: Gaborik, Chara, Halak, Demitra. But I think Canada’s on a mission, and I think the hosts will earn a trip to the gold medal game. Finns or Yanks? I can’t call it, but I’d love to see a USA-Canada rematch – I’m sure all of Canada would, too. Gotta admit tho: I’m kinda terrified of the prospect. Vengeful Canadians… fuck, man. Look out.

- Caps