I wasn’t really interest in seeing Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland at all, but my local theater was only showing that and Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief. That’s the name of a movie. Burton hasn’t really done anything for me in a decade. Sleepy Hollow was his last effort that I really liked. Big Fish apologists can go cry in the corner. Wonderland wasn’t all bad though. There were some cool ideas and great character designs. But overall it was just “okay.” I didn’t see it in 3D, but that wouldn’t have saved this one from falling flat.

Burton’s Wonderland is a sequel to both books in the Alice canon. It’s 13 years later, Alice is 19, and she believes Wonderland is just a recurring dream she’s been having since youth. On the day some dorky lord proposes to her, Alice is visited by the White Rabbit and follows him down the hole. The Red Queen has taken over Wonderland and it’s on Alice to end her reign. I should write the synopses on the back of DVDs, shouldn’t I?

The Good: Some of the production design is remarkable – especially the Red Queen’s castle. It’s now one of my favorite castles. The creature design was also pretty sick. The Jabberwocky in particular is so sick and I really hope they make a nice toy for it. Helen Bonham Carter (Red Queen) was terrific and so was Mia Wasikowska as Alice. That young girl has some acting chops on her, anyone who’s seen the first season of HBO’s In Treatment already knows that.

A major theme of the movie was beauty standards, which I would usually roll my eyes at. We’ve seen it so many times before that it’s hard to come fresh with it, but Burton pulled it off really well. The Red Queen has a bulbous head and her court conforms to this by wearing over-sized prosthetic features like ears and noses. Clothing also plays a large role. Pre-Wonderland, Alice refuses to wear a corset and stockings; the standard garb for sexualized women of the time. She undergoes several costume changes during the film as she shrinks/grows and comes out of her dress. At one point she’s even naked (the view’s obstructed by a tree though…sorry, pervs).

The Bad: I was pretty bored throughout. Burton doesn’t sacrifice substance for style, but it still felt bland all the way through. I would have liked to see more of Wonderland too.

The Ugly: Johnny Depp’s Mad Hatter looks like an old lesbian. I wanted to blow my brains out during all of his scenes. He looks miserable and was more annoying than “mad.” There’s one particular scene near the end involving a victory dance that is SO dumb…I can’t even find the words. It single-handedly ruins the end. But hey, at least the kids laughed.

- Oh Mars