Yo! Welcome to Press Start, where every week I’m going to barf up the Top Five things that happened in the world of video games that hooked my ass. I’m a bit eccentric, and so the choices may be as out-there as they are obvious. I welcome any and all dudes and dudettes to get in on the shit and comment with their own favorite happenings of the previous Monday through Friday.
#1: Master Chief Sleeps With the Devil
Aiight, it really isn’t Master Chief that’s sleeping with the Devil. It’s his creators, Bungie. This week the studio announced that they had signed with Activision, and they were taking their shit multiplatform. That means that Sony is shitting their pants with glee at the prospect, and Xbox nerds are hyperventilating and barfing into their Spartan helmets. I don’t really feel the Halo games, but nevertheless this is a god damn big deal. Activision already owns fucking Blizzard, and dance in money and virgin’s blood from World of Warcraft alone. God knows what this is going to do for them.
#2: Link, Samus and Megaman Invade Super Mario Brothers
Probably the sickest thing I came across this week was a mash-up of original Super Mario Brothers with a bunch of other nostalgic characters that gave me an 8-Bit boner. It’s finally answered the question “What the fuck would hopping around the Mushroom Kingdom feel like as Megaman?” For anyone who grew up on shitty flickering screens and blowing in cartridges, this shit is where it’s at. Check it out over at Mario Crossover.
#3: Dead Space 2 Goes Fucking Viral
I have a serious ass-crush for the original Dead Space. It was like Event Horizon meets Aliens meets Resident Evil 4. It was the sort of tense experience that had been missing from shit like Resident Evil since the franchise went run-and-gun, or back when Silent Hill used to give me nightmares.
This week some really fucking strange letters arrived at some gamer’s house that stem from the Dead Space universe: a creepy rorshach test, a letter from a doctor, and a bloody envelope. Now usually I’m pretty burnt on viral shit, but I can’t help but dig on this. Especially since it is leading up to a bunch of new information regarding the sequel.
Fuck, EA, I’m madly in love with your franchise. Send me creepy letters! I’m your biggest fan.
#4: Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker Drops In Japan
Every time I think I’m done with Hideo Kojima and his post-modern abortion soup that are Metal Gear Solid storylines, I return back into his embrace. I can’t help it. Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker came out this week in Japan for the PSP, and it’s enough to get my crazy broke ass wanting to buy the handheld just so I can play it. I mean, fuck, check out the swag that accompanies the release. Kojima is like a golden god, and the sort of pointless but sexy promos that follow his releases are bonerfying enough for me to lust after.
Fucking Big Boss Mountain Dew!
Every time a game of his is released, it’s like a fucking arena rock concert. Dude is a pimp, and I can’t stop jonesing to play this.
#5: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Continues To Get Weirder, and Awesome
My Wii just sits around gathering dust. I waited thirteen hours in line for the fucking thing, and I think I’ve played it for less than that. However, Super Mario Galaxy justified that wait on its own. I dug that shit. And the sequel seems like it’s going to blow my mind in similar fashion.
Maybe even moreso.
The game just keeps getting more and more odd, and fucking righteous. Just look at god damn Mario. He’s a fucking cloud. And when he’s not a cloud, he’s running around in a bee suit or some shit. So weird. In addition to that, the game features the return of Yoshi. Why the fuck isn’t this dinosaur in every Mario game? Seriously. And then there are the 2D levels, which seem like a trip into the wayback machine.
I want to get high and play this game while wearing my Super Mario underwear from my childhood.
Other juvenile tirades of mine about video games, comic books, and Christina Hendricks’ cleavage can be found at Omega Level.- Caffeine Powered