Press Start!, where one gaming fanboy, who has been making his controllers sticky through various means since he was like nine years-old details the top five things that caught his eye in gaming that week. Most of the shit I find is either blatantly obvious, or completely irrelevant. But none the less, it puts my ass into frothing geek orgasms. After I blather, you hop in and drop what you’ve been digging on this week. Then we all high-five and act like assholes. Let’s do this shit!

#1: No More Heroes 2 Inspired Lingerie Makes Groins Glow
It’s not so much that any of these undies for ladies actually turn me on that has me posting about it. I just can’t believe shit like this actually exists. It’s so preposterous that I’m stoked about it. No More Heroes 2 is a quirky as fuck game, and it sort of makes sense that if any game was going to bring lingerie to the forefront, it may be this shit. Check it out here, and then wonder if you can fathom a world where you’d want to see your lady in this shit. Me? It’s too goofy to comprehend, but I tip my cap to anyone who buys this shit.

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#2: Oh fuck! A new Virtual-On Drops, Making Niche Gamers Tweak!
Oh fuck, a new Virtual-On! Virtual-On! What a mindfuck that Sega is bringing this franchise back. I remember rocking the fuck out on my Saturn back in the day, dual-sticks bought with allowance money. I was stoked when they announced they were re-releasing Virtual-On for the Xbox Live! arcade. But a whole retail release? Fucking stellar. I hope it doesn’t blow. Sega dropped a sequel to NiGHTS on the Wii, and I geeked out. A sequel to one of my favorite games ever? Fuck yes! And then like the sequels to almost anything from my childhood, it crushed my dreams.

Don’t fuck this up Sega. I’ll cut you.

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#3: Call of Duty: Black Ops Trailer Drops, Yeah. Or something.
I’m not insane for Call of Duty like some people, but it feels like every time something CoD drops, it is worth mentioning. The franchise crushes complete ass. Rakes in ridiculous amounts of dough. And even though this installment isn’t by Infinity Ward (which, I know, has fallen apart completely), and it isn’t a Modern Warfare, it’s worth mentioning. The series is such an insane phenomenon that this trailer premiere during the fucking NBA playoffs.

That’s publicity right there. And while most Call of Duty fans I’ve come across are whiny little things, I’m sure despite the eventual bemoaning, they’re all going to pick it up.

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#4: In Korea? Starcraft Is So Important The Mafia Runs It.
Alright, maybe not the mafia. But some sort of derivative. Some serious shit is going down in Korean revolving around Starcraft, gambling organizations, and throwing matches. Seriously. Starcraft is so fucking insane that there’s money to be had by throwing matches. There’s investigations going on involving eleven geek throwdowns from 2006-2008, with officials trying to figure out if these leet duders intentionally lost. In payment for throwing the matches, it’s thought these peeps received between $1760 and $5730. For intentionally losing a video game. Jesus Christ. That’s more than my graduate student ass has made this year!

If anyone wants me to throw some matches for $5, sign me the fuck up. I’ll do it with a smile.

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#5: The Week of Wallet Rapery
What do the following titles have in common: Alan Wake, Red Dead Redemption, Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands, and Super Mario Galaxy 2? They’ve all come out within the same seven days. What the fuck is this shit? Talk about wallet dry-fuckery. Insanity! This sort of ridiculous release schedule used to be reserved for the Christmas season. Apparently May is the new November. It’s retarded. Just say I had enough money to snag all these titles, how the fuck would I be able to play them?

You don’t have to buy them all, you say?!
I have a fucking sickness!

So yeah, it’s an insane fucking week for video games. Did you guys snag any of them? All of them? Planning on getting them? I picked up Red Dead Redemption, and despite having barely touched it, I’ve got a hard-on for Super Mario Galaxy 2 that’s at, at least! four and a half futile inches. And that’s damn impressive for me.

What have you guys dug this week? Hit up the comments like woah.

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In my spare time, in-between staring at Bayonetta cosplay and No More Heroes 2 lingerie I write more juvenile gaming bullshit over at Omega Level.

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