Press Start! The only weekly gaming column guaranteed to rot your brain. Every week I take the top five things that I came across in gaming and vomit them up into a senseless list. They can stem from obvious Big Announcements to quirky creations from gaming fans. Feel free to disagree, and share the gaming shite you’re feeling from the past week in the comments section.
#1: Fan creates ultimate NES homage to LOST
I had just finished crying for the nineteenth time over the ending to LOST like the bitch I am when I came across these images. I have no idea who this fan is, but the fact that he went so far as to mimic a dated old shitty NES box – remember how they fucking fell apart?, and cartridge is amazing. He didn’t stop there, he even created a screen from the game. Seriously dude, you’re amazing. Or dudes. Or dudettes. Whatever. The amount of effort that had to be put into this shit is remarkable.
As a LOST dork still reeling, this was the coolest thing I came across all week.
#2: Insomniac Games Goes Multiplatform? Wait, Wut?!
Console fanboys measure their e-cocks through the exclusive titles that their system of choice pimps. Well, PS3 d-bags are going to have to find a new binky. Insomniac Games, the dudes behind the Ratchet and Clank, Resistance, and yes, calm down, Spyro franchises are taking their act on the road. Or more specifically, the 360. After years of being Sony-exclusive, dudes are trying out console polygamy. Interesting. Last month Bungie jumped the Microsoft ship when they signed with Activision. This month, EA gobbles up Insomniac. Shit is intriguing. In the end, there’s just going to be EA and Activision warring with one another, having consumed and absorbed every other American developer into their monolith.
I’ve almost exclusively used my PS3 for the Insomniac titles that could only be found there, and the Naughty Dog titles. Well, they’ve only done the Uncharted series so far on the PS3, but still, I keep holding out hope they’ll throw me another Jak game. So with Insomniac games going multi-platform, the line of exclusives on both systems gets thinner and thinner.
#3: In the new franchise department, Enslaved Looks Fucking Righteous
The gaming world is like the world of movies at this point. Filled with super high-budget sequels. I ain’t complaining, though. I dig on the Call of Duty, or the Uncharted-type games of the world. But when a new franchise comes along that actually looks interesting? It gets me a bit geeked out. Enslaved is filling that role. Now, now, I understand, it isn’t some $5 indie game. It’s got a lot riding on it. But still, it’s a new IP. It’s being developed by Ninja Theory, the team behind Heavenly Sword. And rather excitingly, the story is being penned by Alex Garland, the writer behind Sunshine and 28 Days Later. Fucking awesome.
The game takes place in a post-apocalyptic world. And while this setting seems to be the New Black of the gaming universe, the twist is that instead of a wasteland, the entire place is a verdant orgasm. It’s more of the world Tyler Durden envisioned, and less that of The Road. I’m sold. You rock out as a dude named Monkey, yeah, Monkey. And the gameplay is a shitload of acrobatic running, jumping, leaping, and hopping. I get a major chubby for platforming, so I’ll take exploring the ruins of a New York City overrun with greenery and killer robots. As well, feeling a bit Ico-esque, you have to help out some chick named Trip, the two of you having escape some sort of slave ship. So it’s uh, Ico meets Fight Club meets The Matrix meets Prince of Persia?
#4: When Dude Channels Michel Gondry And R-Type We All Win
Alex Varanese asked himself the question, “What would a video game look like as a bit of stop motion animation?” The answer is the above video. It’s fucking sexy as hell. The theme of this week’s Press Start! seems to be Inspired Nerds With Talent Who Love Video Games.
#5: Project Natal Is Going to Cost $150? Fuck That Noise
How much would you pay to get to shake your hands around like some asshole out of Minority Report? $10? $60? How about $150? According to Edge, that’s how much Project Natal is going to cost. What the fuck? When it was rumored this son of a bitch was going to cost $60, I was on-board. But the idea that it’s only going to cost $50 than an Xbox 360 Arcade is fucking ludicrous. In a perfect world, this bullshit will be limited to gimmick interactions that I can just roll my eyes at.
But if games I actually want to play start incorporating this ass-vomit? Frak. I’m tired of motion controls. I’m a chubby fanboy. I don’t want to be swinging my arms around like some tool. Cracking open Super Mario Galaxy 2 this week, I found myself being so stoked on the simple gameplay, while lamenting the fact that it had to be dressed in the Wiimote bullshit where I had to rotate my inflexible limbs and crap. It was a collision of disparate worlds.
This whole generation of gaming is predicated on bullshit at this point. Motion controls. 3D games. I mean, I’m by no means some old school die-hard. I love my flat screen TV, my 5.1 system. But at some point I want to draw the line in the sand, yo! Sweet Christ. Let us nerds sit in our Dorito crumbs in peace. Or at worse, don’t rape our wallets for the “privilege” of pantomiming karate kicks. It’s all been downhill since the Power Glove.
What have you guys been digging on this week? I didn’t highlight the fact that I have a space-boner for news that Mass Effect is going to be a movie, or showcased some sexy Mario street art I came across.
In churn out video game and comic book slop analogous to this shit over at Omega Level.- Caffeine Powered