This Australian magazine I never heard of put my pally, Ryan Keely, on the cover along with her pally, Justine Joli. The photos were taken by everyone’s favorite smutster, Ellen Stagg.

Ellen looks and is named like a tall, beautiful elf.  She is so blonde and tall and light skinned and has a totally slammin’ elf bod.  Also she is good at things. Ellen, let’s go on a date.

This dude showed up with Starter sneakers. I didn’t even know these things existed.

The Vidiot found this awesome pin with ice cream on it on the way to the party. I haven’t been served a heaping mound of ice cream in a dish like that in years.

“What’s that?  You like my ice cream button?  Tee hee hee!” The Vidiot has the personality of a Japanese tween girl.

Dita Von Teese was there serving drinks. I never forgave her for breaking Marilyn Manson’s heart.

This hot piece of chicken was there showing off her love of worms. There’s a movie in this, I think.  ”Must Love Worms.”

These guys. I like these guys.

This guy, I like him too. It’s Benjamin Marra, maker of so many good comics including Gangsta Rap Posse and Night Business. He also did the album art for Lil B recently and some other rap album covers. Dude rules and is not a pussy, which is refreshing in the comics world.

It was cool to find out that he was also in this magazine. He’s getting hit up by every rapper to do the art for their damn mixtapes. If you want Marra to do your art then you have to be prepared to pay.

Ryan’s got a huge fucking tongue. She’s like Gene Simmons but way creepier.

Damn, Justine isn’t really my type but how cute is she in that dress?  Nice legs, Justine.

This is my type. Me, but a little different.  Imagine that I am the white version of the Barbie doll that is me. Dennis Chow is the Asian version. We are the same guy but marketed to children of different ethnicities.

The place got too damn packed. It was ridiculous. So many eyeballs staring at me and free booze going into me.

Roofeeo (AKA Jah Landis) and Telli kissed Ellen goodbye and went off to do other things in the fun and dangerous night time.

Before I left i interviewed my sweet pally, Ryan Keely about her increasing fame for being a sexy nerdo.

- Toilet Cobra