Our G-13 Belt is a sure hit for those of you who love pot and want to make sure that everyone knows it. It either comes with green leaves on bone or magenta cush on black. I know that pot’s the most popular drug so this belt should be quite a hit. (Don’t tell me about alcohol, tobacco and caffeine. They aren’t drugs! Shut up, shut up, shut up.)
Sometimes it feels like everyone loves Tee-Aych-Cee except Tee-Aych-Me. I’ve seen all the Friday movies and the Harold and Kumars and I want to have a good movie-style marijuana high so bad but it never happens. Someone passes me their pipe, joint or soda can with the holes punched in it and I think,”Oh boy, this is going to feel nice like slipping into a warm bath.” But it always ends up feeling like I’m having a heart attack inside a washing machine. I immediately start coughing and don’t stop. Then I get tingly for a second and then this avalanche of horror goes into full rinse cycle. WOOSHWOOSHWOOSH! I become hyper-conscious of my heart rate, I become hungry and then as I fall asleep my last waking thoughts are always,”I hate and do not trust these people around me.”
I usually pass out while looking around the room to see which of the objects would best be used to bash my guests or host. I already feel I’m the awkward jerk that no one wants around when I’m at a place and marijuana just bathes me in self-consciousness. I tend to enjoy alcohol and uppers, the social fun drugs that make you smarter, friendlier and sometimes a better dancer. Yet once or twice a year, someone will pass me pot and I’ll think,”This time it’s going to be fun.” and for me it never is. I suspect it’s because people breed their pot to be too strong. “Yo, I got that hydro.” and shit like. “This shit will get you FUCKED UP.” Everyone’s so proud of the destructive power of their pot. Did you know that marijuana is typically ten times stronger now than it was in the early seventies?
It’s made of canvas and leather and has a brass buckle, and if I liked pot I would wear this belt.