Meh. Right? I’m pretty sure I don’t care anymore. Another year, another boring Oscars with predictable results. Another waste of 3 hours of my life I could’ve spent doing worthwhile things, like the activity mentioned in the title or, y’know, anything else. Did I hate The King’s Speech? Not at all. Did I think it was the best movie of the year? Certainly not. Do I think any of the nominees were the best movie of the year? God no. Do I understand that that is what the Oscars stand for? Absolutely.

My favorite parts of last night were the moments where some of the people involved chose to point out the inherent ridiculousness of the situation, where hundreds of famous people gather in a big room to smell each other’s farts for a few hours. Special shout out to the legend Kirk Douglas for just generally being an old ass dude and fucking with everyone. Some people thought it was awkward, I found it hysterical. Also Spielberg for pointing out that some of the best movies of all time have been totally snubbed by the Academy.

Some thoughts. This is the blog for a clothing company, so I’d feel remiss not to include a little fashion commentary. Good year for red dresses. I thought Penelope Cruz, Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Lawrence, and Anne Hathaway all looked gorgeous. Way to go ladies. No one really shit the bed too bad, which was disappointing. Nicole Kidman I guess, that was pretty dumb and Keith Urban’s face is starting to look exactly like her face. Also, Mark Wahlberg’s wife always looks so angry, it’s unsettling.

The opening spoof thing was unfunny, except for the part where James Franco was the bear dude in True Grit. Medium-to-low lulz factor. I like Back To The Future as much as the next guy, but why now? Does not compute…. I like that Franco came out filming on his cellphone. Why the fuck not? If you can’t tell yet, I really hate the Oscars and basically am on board with any sort of subversion of it’s self importance. I guess I’m still stinging from all those ludicrous awards The Hurt Locker won last year (Best Original Screenplay? SERIOUSLY?).

All in all, the hosts were pretty blah. Not to say that I think others would’ve been much better. It’s just inherently boring. I like Anne Hathaway, and James Franco, but they were mostly absent. Franco’s good looks and natural charisma couldn’t even get a rise out of my girlfriend or gay best friend, who accompanied me on last nights voyage through various levels of aggressive mediocrity. I don’t even think a Banksy appearance could’ve saved it (though it would’ve helped).

Highlight of the evening was Trent Reznor winning an Oscar, because that’s just pretty fucking crazy. That was a good thing. Hologram Bob Hope: bad thing. David Seidler’s acceptance speech was my favorite of the evening. Very classy, and funny. Sorkin was good too. Was kind of hoping he was going to thank cocaine. Alas. Scott Rudin is such a baby, I can’t believe he didn’t show up just because he knew The Social Network was pretty much dead on arrival due to the loathsome yet commendable work of the Weinstein hype monster.

I sort of felt bad for David Fincher, but I guess this is karmic retribution for The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button. David, if you’re reading this (you’re not), everyone else might have forgotten about that cinematic shit-sandwich, but I sure didn’t. Some heavy hitters in the In Memoriam. Also, what the fuck was up with those kids singing at the end? I mean, they were fine, and everyone likes that song, but those tee shirts. Who thought that was a good idea? It looked so bush-league it was embarrassing. Why couldn’t they have put them all in funny little mini-tuxes?

Ummm, did anything else happen? Did anyone else notice that Tom Hooper looks exactly like circa 1995 James Cameron? Because he does. It’s weird. I guess Melissa Leo said “fuck” but who cares? To me, it sucked just as much as every other Oscars ceremony has, pretty much for as long as I can remember. But honestly, I don’t have a better idea. Still can’t believe I didn’t watch the Knicks game…

- Whole Milk