Upon a recent viewing of The Top 50 WWE Superstars Countdown on NetFlix Instant, I now have a real bone to pick with the current stable of wrestlers employed by Vince MacMahon. I’m entirely aware that most countdown programs of this ilk are created to stir up a bit of controversy and get people talking around the water cooler, but man, this power rankings was a bitter pill to swallow. The list presented here, voted on by a collection of bone-headed WWE superstars, could be described as both egregious and poorly conceived. I won’t spoil the entire countdown, but you may want to stop reading at this point if you plan on actually viewing the program at any point… I’m about to drop a few bombs on your headz.

It’s understandable that some of my favorite, more idiosyncratic, wrestlers didn’t make the cut when all was said and done. As electrifying as D’Lo Brown’s frog-splash derived Low Down truly was, I never realistically expected the former Nation of Domination member to make the cut. For all intents and purposes, the dude wore a chest protector when squaring up in the ring (shouldn’t this have been considered illegal?). Getting back on topic, however, I was shocked and dismayed when it was announced that Mr. America himself, Hulk Hogan, had slid all the way down the countdown into the 23rd slot!

Lately, information has started to surface regarding the shady nature, and dicey double-dealings of the Hulkster. We actually posted a clip recently, displaying some unsavory remarks the Ultimate Warrior had to make surrounding the former wrestler and reality television star. Really though, there’s no conceivable way this TMZ-style dirt should have been reflected in the overall scheme of the program. Ty Cobb was a noted racist, and considered a total fucking douche-bag by most accounts, but the guy’s still looked upon today as one of the greatest ball players to ever pick up the bat. No matter what you have to say surrounding Hogan’s actions behind the scenes, or even his in-ring short comings, Hulk should have placed higher. The superstar was potentially the first guy to transition from WWF wrestler (in it’s most strict sense), into full blow celebrity territory. I don’t think this fact should be swept under the rug.

Another issue that arose throughout much of the countdown was its insistence on assigning olde timey superstars with a little too much credit. As popular, and technically sound, as Harley Race may have been throughout his hey day, there’s  no way his #6 rank should have eclipsed guys like The Macho Man and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper within the confines of the countdown. Last time I checked his IMDB page (which was never), Harley Race hadn’t yet starred in a single Slim Jim Commercial, or acted as a wayfarer-sporting crusader in the fight against mind-controlling aliens. While a wrestler’s worth shouldn’t be solely based on how often his mug can be seen on The Spike Network, I’ll bet Race also wasn’t flying off the turnbuckles all that often either.

Fast Forwarding to the top of this professional wrestling crap heap, I must reveal that Shawn Michaels is eventually presented with the distinction of  all-time greatest WWE superstar. As much as I loved both the Heart Break Kid’s swag, and reveled in his entrance music, I’m not sure he’s deserving of this slot. Michaels recently left the game with his popularity at an all time high, but it seemed to me that the original DX member never really approached the star status of wrestlers like The Rock or Stone Cold Steve Austin.

I’ve dished out a fair amount of Suck-It’s in my day, and you can’t really hate on a guy that finishes off his opponents by kicking them in their faces, but something just doesn’t feel right crowning Mr. Michaels with this title… Personally, I would have prefered this number 1 rank be given to someone more prone to wearing a single knee brace, and spraying CEO’s with truck full’s of beer.

- Zaius