The childrens TV network, Nickelodeon, has, as with anything, undergone a considerable transfiguration since its commencement as a predominantly animation-based channel, splintering off into subsidiaries such as TeenNick and Nick Jr. Fluctuating interest in live-action programming amongst their target audience has left it almost unrecognizable to anyone born before 1995. But change isn’t always a bad thing. Let go of Rugrats because the acne-ridden viewers have spoken and deemed Miranda Cosgrove their new master and commander.

iCarly is a teen comedy show centering around a girl’s “talent” video webcast mostly concerned with boy problems, hijinks amongst friends, and other prepubescent frippery. The program exhibits the same disposition of earlier adolescent sitcoms like Lizzie McGuire with the precious, slightly chubby Hillary Duff and Zoey 101, starring the innocent, petite, and pre-pregnancy Jamie Lynn Spears. This is a phenomenon that has gone un-talked-about until now, with a following spanning outside of the suggested 8-12 year old age bracket, the series has gleaned attention from the twenty something crowd and tapped into the adult viewership market.

I, myself, am an avid iCarly fan, making no buts about it, as I follow the underdeveloped tweens season after season with eyes transfixed upon the tight virginal asses of fictional characters Carly Shay and Sam Puckett, her blonde, fair-skinned co-host. This past week, I found myself sitting next to a couple friends, of whom I shall not name lest I tarnish any manly reputations, casually drinking beer and enjoying a unique episode in which bombshell Victoria Justice along with some of the cast from the older, hotter sister of teenie productions, Victorious, combine forces in a crossover episode with the iCarly actors and actresses, creating a fusion of perky tits, round butts, and sexual innuendo.

The hour-long television feature, iParty with Victorious, is, in a nutshell, the reason why I tune in at 7 pm eastern daily to attend the preteen pussy parade as a couchside voyeur. iParty is considered a movie-length special, the second after iGo to Japan, wherein Carly’s douchey boyfriend turns out to be a grade A player, also introducing his baby boner to her friend Tori Vega. Can you really blame him though? Victoria is the sweetest piece of tail in children’s TV and she knows it. I’m pretty sure that actor’s role was, in someway, written in as a reference to Justin Bieber’s proposed sexual romp with both stars. This can’t be proven but I have an inkling that the gimmicky hair-flipping little showdog had his grubby paws all over my ethnic angels irl.

The success of teen sitcoms with the older crowd is something I believe roots not only in the deep-seated primitive pedophilic desires of every man, an explanation for the prosperity of barely legal skin flicks, but in a more closeted fondness for naively youthful relationship drama. Watching minors sort out their microcosmic but nonetheless real issues addresses that part of everyone that longs to be back in their old school halls. At this point, it’s either watch iCarly or “people watch” outside the local high-school waiting to get cuffed.

At the end of the day, there are those that will scoff at the prospect of watching a “children’s” show as an older male, condemning myself and other man-fans for deviancy and sexual immorality. Writing this article is my way of owning up to the fact that yes, I am a sicko with a soft spot for juvenile television. The girls of iCarly and Victorious are eager to please at the click of a button, as Lamour Supreme and Greg Mishka now know…don’t knock it ’til you try it.

- Casper