I absolutely love Chez-Its. Nothing relaxes me more than popping down on the toilet mashing a handful of Chez-Its into my gullet while checking my Tumblr on my iPhone. One of the other things I absolutely love is the use of adverbs. Hemingway fucking hates me. On top of those two pure, unadulterated loves of mine is my unremitting love for video games.

That’s why I write this column. Press Start!, the post where I run down five things that happened in the world of video games this week. I’m covered in Chez-It crumbs and ready to vomit verbose into your eye-mind-mouths.

Let’s party, guys!

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#1: BioShock: Infinite ‘Tears’ My Ass With Rock
It’s that game that I always bring up when I want to defend the medium. Sure you can bring up ICO or you can bring up fl0wer, or Braid. Maybe you do. That isn’t what I pull out, when I slide my slender fingers into my Bag of References. Drooling muck phalanges desperately grip onto BioShock, and I shout, “This, this is a defense of video games!” Take it or leave it, I’ll stand by it. Weak final act and all.
I imagine I’ll do the same with BioShock: Infinite. The sequel sucked, frreal. You don’t go from a rampant pillaging of Objectivism by Ken Levine and his Band of Brilliance to some free-loading offshoot without the real team. Can’t do it. Won’t do it! If anything, that sequel stoked the fires for the new Levine installment.

BioShock: Infinite! I don’t know why I’m rambling about this like its new. No, no! Pardon me. A thousand pardons and perhaps a novena. What is new is this Developer’s Diary. Levine drops a new gameplay mechanic that tickles my teats until they’re taut. Oh the glory of a taut teat. Behold “Tears”. Just watch the video. If you don’t like it, kindly proceed to the X in the upper right hand corner of your browser.

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#2: Microsoft’s NUADS is Suck Made Advertisement
The only thing that sucks more than Microsoft’s spelling of “NUADS” is the underlying concept behind it. If you were concerned that the Kinect Wunderkind Karate Chop Project was going to ruin gaming, you can double down on your agita medicine. Through the wonder and excitement of Kinect-powered technology, Microsoft has a proposal for us. If we see an advertisement that we find palatable during our Xbox Live Entertainment System Box Viewing, we can then share it with our friends.

Wait.

This is the breakthrough? What in the name of everything jiggling and pert is going on here? Listen man, if a friend of mine tries to share an advertisement with me, there either need to be gagging and moaning or it needs to not exist. Good friends, if you think there’s a Coca-Cola ad that I’d want to see, and you share it with me, we’re going to stop seeing eye to eye. I will friend dump you.

My friend The Faux Bot has provided the Universe and perhaps even Dimension-X with a great example of how I see it working. It’s going to end in tears, folks. Tears.

Goodness me.

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#3: Cliffy B Wants Moar!
Cliffy B, whose actual last name I cannot spell and I don’t feel like cutting and pasting, wants more. He wants more! Don’t act surprised. Why shouldn’t he? He’s a virile modern American male. Raised in the churning hot factory of capitalism and consumerism, bound by the human predicament of perpetual dissatisfaction.

He wants more! More damn it! He isn’t just satisfied with having created Unreal Tournament. He isn’t satisfied with being a video gaming rock star. He isn’t satisfied with having a cute girlfriend who is also something of a celebrity on the internet fat pipes and gaming conventions. Scratch that, fiancé I think? Most importantly, he isn’t satisfied with having created perhaps this generation’s hottest console exclusive: Gears of War. Off my balls, Uncharted fans. I used that “perhaps” as a conscious cop-out.

Speaking this week, Bleszinski said he wants to leave a legacy that goes beyond the Lancer and the bro-dude homosocial circle of locust destruction:

“There is plenty of life left in Gears, but you also don’t want to beat a dead horse, right? If there was another Gears game down the line, it would have to play around in another couple of spaces…It could never just be, ‘Hey, Marcus and Cole are back [and] there’s more Locust!’ Gears is amazing and I love it, absolutely adore it, but it will not be the final legacy of this studio.”

I can definitely appreciate the dude’s desire to branch out. Expand. He doesn’t want to fall in upon himself like the bloated gaming equivalent of Lucas, endlessly milking the raw nipples of the franchise until it groans collapses under the weight of its own suck.

Now mind you, he may very well never escape the gravity of the franchise. That’s just the way the gaming scene goes. Or really, being tethered to any enormo-franchise in any medium. I can appreciate his desire to expand though. Like a mofuckah’

Should he fail? He created UT and fucking Chainsawbladeguns.

Not a bad legacy. At all.

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Model Raquel Reed recently assembled a team of ringers, which included photographer Steve Prue, and fellow babe Jade Vixen, when she decided to put together, and appear in, this killer Мишка-centric photo spread. Keep-Watch eyeballs are in clear abundance here, as Prue captured a series of shots that could be described as both oddly provocative, and totally boner-worthy… And while you may want to reconsider your decision to slice up your favorite Мишка gear after seeing these images (you’re probably not this hot), Raquel and Jade pull off that just-been-mugged-at-knifepoint look with the greatest of ease, thanks to stylist Helen Carlina.

Something also must be said regarding the wild up-do’s that each model was given prior to the shoot,  along with the catty nails, and pseudo-goth makeup which were featured.  Credit goes out to Shear Terror Hair Designs, Pin Me Up Hair, Fleury Rose, and Alyne Halvajian (respectively) for helping pull of this look. It’s not every day that you see a tangle of women’s hair seemingly give birth to a triumvirate of eyeballs. These shots were certainly not lacking in the creativity department.

Finally, much props is due to Nikki Lipstick, who is officially credited with dealing in all things “Pasties” throughout the shoot. Similar to role of an offensive lineman on a championship football squad, or perhaps the stay-at-home moms and dads of this nation, the handler/creator/placer of Pasties often times goes unheralded in the grand scheme of a successful photo shoot. Luckily, I’m willing to give credit where credit is due (and slip into shameless cliché mode), when I say that any squad is only as solid as its weakest link. So, here’s to Nikki and the rest of the gang for coming up with some chubs-inducing images, that also manage to pimp Мишка to the fullest.

The shirts featured all throughout the shoot are part of our latest summer line, and can be purchased (in tact) over at our online shop. If I were you, I would get while the gettin’s good! Check the rest of the pictures from the shoot after the jump.

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John Maus – We Must Become the Pitiless Censors of Ourselves [Upset the Rhythm] // Grade: B

We Must Become the Pitiless Censors of Ourselves finds John Maus dusting off the ol’ synthesizer collection for the first time since the release of his 2007 album Love is Real. In typical Mausian fashion, there’s nary a guitar riff to be found throughout, but I’m convinced the crooner wouldn’t have it any other way. The addition of an accompanying female vocalist on the record presents a nice departure from the norm as well, but it doesn’t detract from the calling-card weirdness that fans of the man have come to expect.

Although Maus still isn’t approaching Steely Dan territory when it comes to studio perfectionism, the sound we’re presented with on the new record is certainly a bit more polished than anything we’ve heard out of the Ariel Pink crony before. If you’ll allow me to step into cliche-record-reviewer territory for just a moment, everything here just seems to glitter a little more than the stuff found throughout his earlier catalog. Even the deep-ass vocals most folks have grown accustomed to seem to have been given a quick spit shine. Really though, Maus’s voice still hangs out in limbo somewhere between the bark of Ian Curtis, and the manly lilt of Scott Walker. “We Can Break Through” presents Maus doing some weird ,layered, chanting monk thing, that actually works out really well for him in a lot of ways.

Keeping up song writing-wise with past records, a few of the tunes on Pitiless Censors sound like they could have been used more effectively as the schematics to build a larger, more encompassing tune.  “Matter of Fact” presents Maus essentially repeating the same phrase “Pussy is not the matter of fact,” in different combinations and different orders, for the duration of the song’s 2:17 running time. While pussy may really not be the matter of fact, and you might find yourself humming the melody of  this one after a handful of listens, it certainly doesn’t have the replay value that some of the more song-y songs posses. If anything, it’ll leave you wondering what could have been.

We Must Become the Pitiless Censors of Ourselves may leave some more forward thinking pop fans scratching their heads at times, and will certainly leave a lot of traditional rock n’ roll fans out in the dark. If, however, you find yourself to be one of those bedroom pop aficionados that seem to be sprouting up as of late, you’ll be pleased to strap on the headphones for this one.

Selebrities – Can’t Make Up My Mind

John Maus – Head For the Country

Memoryhouse – Modern, Normal

I’d like to see what an MSV video girl cattle call looks like. Honestly, the turnout is probably a couple hundred luscious and alluring Italian chicks with their shirts off, chomping at the bit for a chance to sway and rock menacingly while having their faces and bodies garbled  in a distorted short film directed by the charmingly clandestine Cosmotropia de Xam.

My last post about the maestro of Mater Suspiria Vision’s venture into experimental video, has brought him here again with more syncopated psychedelia, a fresh undertaking entitled Allucinazione! The song induces a sinking feeling as onlookers become caught up in the profane dancing rituals of the beautiful, Shivabel.

Using a dented and disfigured mirror-face, images warp around imperfections, altering our perception with classic funhouse trickery. Foreign mutterings echo over a wobbly keyboard and drum machine claps as an apparition comes to life in bona fide witch-house method. The track is from their forthcoming Inverted Triangle II LP set to appear in July.

Everybody be sure to have their gag-balls at the ready this coming Saturday night, as matters are bound to take a turn way, way dark at St. Vitus in Brooklyn. Trouble and Bass OG, and friend to Мишка, Star Eyes will be DJing a set for the masses at some point throughout the course of the evening, which should prove every bit as riveting as the mixes she’s made for us in the past. If you haven’t had the pleasure of hearing the OV Curse mixtape she compiled in conjunction with Dust La Rock a little while back, I suggest you do so now. As if you’re in need of any more incentive to listen, it also happens to contain the best Grauzone tune having to do with Polar Bears…

Star Eyes & Dust La Rock – Ov Curse by Мишка Bloglin

Luncay is a strictly dark engagement with the DJs spinning Goth, EBM, Industrial, Death Rock and just really anything that make you feel miserable and dance all at once. For a taste of what to expect download Ov Curse above or Star Eyes older 7H3 H4x0R M1X. The evening will also feature sets by the plainly named DJ’s Omar and Albert, and promises the appearance of special guests. While I currently have no knowledge pertaining to the identity of these special guests, I’m assuming they’ll give you the urge to get out on the floor, and tear shit up just like Star Eyes herself. Plus, it only costs a mere 5 bucks to get into this shindig, so you really have no choice but to show up… So lace up those dancin’ shoes, and prepare for an evening that should, in my estimation, live up to its name in every respect.

Saturday June 23rd, 12-4am
Saint Vitus
1120 Manhattan Ave
Greenpoint, Brooklyn
21+ | $5 Cover

In what many analysts are potentially calling the worst in recent memory, the NBA will be holding their annual draft this evening at Newark New Jersey’s own Prudential Center. This year’s player pool boasts a whole cadre of position-less combo guards and gawky European white guys, who appear to be Darko’s in the making. Aside from the endless string of horrible-yet-vibrant suits that should be trotting up to the podium as the night unfolds, there are only few reasons the casual NBA fan would really want to tune into this thing tonight on ESPN. Lucky for you, I’ve pondered the subject, and come up with a few reasons that might sway you toward watching this train wreck in the making.

Unless you happen to fall into the small minority who consider themselves die-hard Minnesota Timberwolves fans, it’s always intriguing to see how T-Wolves GM David Kahn can further fuck up his squad through the powers and majesty of the NBA draft. The arrival of Spanish basketball wunderkind Ricky Rubio onto American soil this past week has only seems to make their second overall pick feel more crucial. If former Duke PG, and projected #1 player Kyrie Irving falls into the T-Wolves lap, shit will hit the fan, and it will be totally awesome. Essentially, Minnesota can’t take another point guard since, since they already have roughly 2 trillion of them. I’d bet the farm on Kahn on spazzing out in this situation, subsequently making an ultra stupid move , and eventually providing the most entertaining portion of the night’s proceedings.

From a personal standpoint, I’ll be keeping my eyes glued to the tube tonight to see which situation big man Bismakc Biyombo falls into. I’ve already chosen Biyombo as my favorite player amongst the new class of basketball recruits due to a couple of factors. Firstly, Bismack hails from the Congo, which is a fact too awesome to neglect. Second, he clearly has the best name in the draft, which is an attribute I generally place great stock in. I whole-heartedly plan on purchasing a piece of clothing with his surname printed/stitched on the back when all is said and done, so the team who eventually selects him takes on a greater importance.

In the situation a loathsome NBA franchise (see: Lakers, Spurs) selects Biyambo, I’ll probably be forced to buy one of those chintzy T-shirts, made to look like an actual jersey, that have the player’s name and number printed on the back. This would be an unfortunate set of circumstances. If a mildly likable, potentially hip team, such as the Thunder or Kings select my man, I’d contemplate ordering one of those Asian-manufactured replica jerseys you can get online. Generally these things look passable, but there’s always some slightly screwy factor at work, undermining the whole garment. Finally, in the idyllic dream-world scenario that my beloved NY Knicks choose Bismack, I wouldn’t bat an eye as I hooked up an actual NBA liscenced Biyombo uniform… the real deal.

At any rate, it will be funny to look on as NBA commmish David Stern butchers the names of the foreign-born players who happen to be bum rushing the league this year. While Stephen A. Smith was unjustly bumped from the ESPN telecast of the draft last year, I’m sure the event will still feature a fair number unintentionally comical moments. For instance, in the situation that the Utah Jazz steal noted Mormon rifleman Jimmer Fredette, it should be funny to see how much jizz will be jettisoned from the state’s collective dick!

Shady Blaze – Rappers Ain’t $#!% Without a Producer (2011) [Green Ova] // Grade: B

The great thing about music is that there are so many ways to make it, and so many ways to hear it. The further we move in this ableton/soundcloud/tumblr era–that is surely past it’s crest if it’s this perceptible–the more diverse music becomes. More styles emerge, more people play music, music emerges from places where you might not have heard it before, new voices articulate new concepts, regions’ signature sounds evolve, and on and on. Things are changing, so music that’s changing only makes sense. Shady Blaze’s Rappers Aint S#!% Without A Producer is a departure, but it’s like the kind of departure where you get to take everything that you like with you. Shady isn’t action figure hip hop. He’s bringing human back. if you read my review of Pusha-T’s Fear of God then maybe you remember how I talked about the falsified perfection that rappers have been selling us recently. Most rappers want us to believe that they live lives of envy, but some rappers just want to speak on what they live. Shady Blaze is just speaking what he lives.

Fast raps, parties, existential crises, the life and times of the illustrious East Bay, Shady Blaze is painting a rather complete picture. He’s not just giving us the parts that make for great headlines, movie deals, product endorsements, and proprietary theme park rides. He’s giving us the stuff that makes him who he is. He’s laying out a modest spread, and asking us to partake not just of an array of main dishes, but a well-crafted assortment of main dishes and accompaniments. This is living people’s music. The record uses the beats of 11 producers: Beautiful Lou, Ryan Hmesworth, Squadda B, Silky Johnson, Clams Casino, L.W.H., Julian Wass, Yung Dree, Nem270, Keyboard Kid, and Shady himself. And guest rappers are Western Tink, Main Attrakionz, and Danny Brown.

The content ranges from soulful confession to boastful proclamations, but it’s all done tastefully. I think it’s impressive to note that for someone so young Shady definitely has an excellent sense for balancing content. And the raps, are, compelling to say the least. This dude is hungry. And he eats on the mic. Feasts is more like it. There’s no way that he could be kicking this stuff and not believing it, you can hear it all. There is no separating the music from the person. The music isn’t an ordained narrative, it’s the artifact of an event. Shady’s life is the event. shady doesn’t hold back in what he discusses, he confesses who he is, and doesn’t try to paint an image of himself. Instead he just lives his life and offers up this incredible art as part of his process for staying alive.

The Bay area has a history of providing rap in a similar vein, but tat the same time this is somethng unheralded. From I.M.P. to Nickatina to Mystik Journeymen, to Anticon, to People Under The Stairs, to the Coup, to Too $hort the Bay has been home to an almost endless amount of originators when it comes to hip hop. Main Attrakionz and Green Ova have been no exception, and Shady Blaze is now another name from the crew to keep an eye out for. Seeing this new era of musicians come up is exciting. They wind up connected through geography, but also in unexpected ways through the internet. Genres are fading, and villages are growing where they were. Shad Blaze has a dope little village starting up for himself, wherever it may go I’m glad it’s here.

When we last left that motley crew of zombie combatants featured on The Walking Dead, the gang had just fled an exploding laboratory helmed by the semi-demented scientist Jenner. Avoiding getting blowed-up by the skin of their teeth, the remaining survivors found themselves back at square one, searching for a place to flee (preferably sans zombies). While the first season of the comic book based series lasted a mere 6 episodes, and ebbed and flowed in the quality department at times, it still left a large portion of its fan base starving for more, zombie-and-brains-style.

Lucky for us, AMC just dropped us a first taste of season two, via this 2 minute clip, and it seems that many of the familiar faces that graced our television sets last time around will be back for round two.While not much is actually revealed in this behind-the-scene look at the new season’s first day of filming, we’re told that second season will contain a full thirteen episodes. Hopefully this means the show will deal more in an overarching story line, rather than having to conjure up more episodic plots, as displayed throughout the first season. While I felt a lot of the stand alone episodes actually worked pretty well the first season, we probably all could have done without those benevolent hispanic gangsters in the aptly titled installment “Vatos.”

It’s also been reported that Walking Dead writer/executive producer/director Frank Darabont has made the well-advised decision to let go of much of the writing staff that penned the first season of the series. Although I haven’t yet started flipping through the comic which eventually spawned the series, I’ve heard from some of my cronies and the Bloglin’s Re-Ups that the show failed in a lot of ways at capturing the book’s intensity and gore. Although I often times pay no heed to the age old ”book was better than the movie” adage, some of the plot and dialogue featured throughout the first season, excluding the series premiere, was ultra stupid and boring. Hopefully the team of free lancers Darabont has commissioned for season two is up to the task… Let’s kill off more characters this season too!

Here’s a little sample of the upcoming mixtape Murdered In Memphis.  The concept was simple. Take some loops from classic Memphis tracks and let some of my favorite based rappers handle the rest. The result is an unsettling yet oddly familiar tribute to the sounds of  Mid-90s Memphis, where dark imagery and suspect production values ruled cassette decks. Kreayshawn and SortaHuman are cast in starring roles, with the support of Young Hawaii Slim, Jay Ugh, Gata, Alexander Spit, V-Na$ty and OG Nery.

You’ll have to wait a few weeks for the full release, but in the meantime enjoy “Buster” featuring Kreayshawn and Gata, “Breathtaking (Freestyle)” featuring Kreayshawn and Alexander Spit, both of which made it over to Pitchfork’s forkcast today.  You Bloglin readers get your own exclusive, “SortaHuman” by Huntville, Alabama’s SortaHuman. By now everyone knowz Kreayshawn, but few have heard her like this. As a favor to me she recorded this on a 5th Generation Realistic tape that she bought from the thrift store and ran it over a few times with a Honda Elite. SortaHuman manage to sound upbeat over a track that wears it’s ground hum like it’s dookie gold.

Nattymari’s “Murdered In Memphis” Teaser by Мишка Bloglin

Murdered In Memphis which is  a co-release between Мишка and Clan Destine records. Clan Destine will be releasing limited run cassette copies featuring two 30+ minute mixes; Side A: Murdered In Memphis and Side B: 107OE5DOWN. Мишка will be releasing Murdered in Memphis digitally as a free download later in July. Side B will stay as a tape only exclusive.

This is Alien Technology at its most based. Primitive and primal. 5150 Griot Swag.