After the summer blockbuster season peaked for me with Fast Five, it’s been pretty dry around here. Superhero movies aren’t really my thing and I haven’t seen a Transformers movie yet (on purpose). Deathly Hallows Pt. 2 was fun, but until Drive and Take Shelter come out in a few months I’m using the time off from theaters to catch up with some recent international flicks. Some worked the festival circuit last year while others are already out on DVD overseas and coming stateside later this year. Either way you can find them on the internet, you crafty jerks.

Watching a grip of foreign films in a row, it’s apparent that while the creativity well is rapidly drying up in the States, overseas it runneth over. Not to say that America still doesn’t produce grade-A originals, but in other countries they seem to have more of a knack for execution. Especially in the thriller and horror department. American creativity and risk-taking seems to be stuck in the “indie” market, but in other countries these balls-out works of art are setting box-office records. One film featured in this article, New Kids Turbo, has the highest number of “cunts” spoken in a single film and is the highest grossing movie in Dutch history. It’s a beautiful thing.

My favorite, by far, is The Last Circus. I wrote a full review a few weeks ago so I didn’t include it here. But the following are the rest of the best foreign flicks I’ve seen recently — not in any particular order. Download them all from your favorite torrent site and have your own foreign film festival!

Oh and if you buy me a pizza I’ll even come to your house and introduce each film! Enjoy!

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We Are What We Are  [Directed by Jorge Michel Grau] / / Mexico

When their father passes away, his three children and wife are forced to fend for themselves. He was their provider, and like most patriarchs, he made sure to keep food on the table. But for this lower-class family, it’s not as simple as pacing in the mini-van and heading to the grocery store. Their cannibals. Eating for them means stalking their prey, capturing and killing it, and cooking it up. The problem is that none of the other family members have done this “ritual” before. The youngest son jumps right in but his sloppiness opens up a whole other can of shit for the family.

Director Jorge Michel Grau leaves the origins of the cannibalism in We Are What We Are vague. The family refers to the capture and subsequent eating of their prey as a “ritual,” so there may be some underlying religious aspects involved. It’s a really macabre story about a family coming apart at the seams. A horror movie about cannibals is bound to be gory, but Grau goes for the visceral rather than the visual. The photography is striking, especially in the city scenes when the two brothers are on the hunt. The most haunting moment of the film, however, involves the sister. I won’t give it away, just watch the damn movie.

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New Kids Turbo [Directed by Steffen Haars & Flip Van der Kuil] / / Netherlands

Sorry half of this trailer is in Dutch. I couldn’t find a translated one – you’ll just have to trust me. Based on the Dutch TV series New Kids (which was amazingly called New Kids on the Block for its first two seasons) New Kids Turbo follows five mulleted degenerates from the picturesque village of Maaskantje who all lose their jobs on the same day. They spend Gerrie’s unemployment check in one afternoon and then decide to “pay for nothing” (aka: steal everything). This sparks a revolution of robbery and the government reacts with extreme prejudice.

Without exaggerating too much, the first 10 minutes of New Kids Turbo is funnier than every comedy I’ve seen this year combined. Imagine five Kenny Powers robbing grocery stores and taking on the National Guard with arms stolen from an aging Nazi sympathizer. All accompanied by Euro house music. There’s none of that played-out, overly-awkward humor that’s dominating in U.S. comedies these days. It’s all over-the-top madness that’s seriously crude; nearly every line of dialogue ends in “cunt” or “homo.”

And if you’re hungry for more New Kids hilarity from Holland, you won’t have to wait long. The sequel, New Kids Nitro, is on track for this December, homos

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Baobinga & Co. – Joint Ventures (2011) [Build] // Grade: A-

If you recently saw Resident Advisor‘s premiere of their new feature series Real Scenes, you’ll immediately notice there’s something special going on in Bristol. Is it the water? Is it their awesome night life? Does it have something to do with their enthusiasm for rugby and hot air balloons? Why is there so much incredible music coming out of Bristol lately, particularly involving dubstep and bass music culture? Rather than ponder, it’s better to just enjoy it and embrace all the unique, active talent in this thriving city. This is exactly the mindset of bass music Bristolite (or is it Bristolonian?) Sam Simpson, better known as Baobinga. In his latest release Joint Ventures, Simpson shows just how to join forces and dish out some slick club anthems.

If you’re a fan of dubstep, take one look at the tracklisting: Baobinga collaborates with what looks like the lineup or guestlist for some epic festival you never heard of. When I first saw this, I thought “uh-oh, this could either be really good or really bad.” Fortunately it’s the former. This is coming from someone who is very critical of most albums that consistent entirely of collaborations. Really though, who in recent history pulled it off well other than Gorillaz? I think Baobinga’s selection of forward-thinking, like-minded talented friends saved him from a contrived collection of disjointed singles. Instead, the album comes across as the best summer outdoor all-night party Bristol has to offer. Well-played, Simpson!

The album kicks off with an 80′s out, roll-up-the-sleeves-of-your-blazer synthline with “Heartburst Riddim,” a collaboration with the king of gangster melodies, Ginz. Right off the bat you get the fun of a song from a Brat Pack movie soundtrack, the slow “CLACK!” skank of a purple dubstep tune and even some hands-in-the-air, almost Swedish House Mafia-ish synth chords in the chorus. This opening track demonstrates Baobinga’s dedication to eclecticism, amazing sound design and sense of fun. Though distinctly different in terms of tempo, rhythm and mood, Baobinga’s constant in Joint Ventures — and also his greatest strength —i s in his drums. Damn dude, every song on this album has crisp drum kits and infectious, stand out rhythms. He can make sparse, boom-SMACK dubstep anthems like “Make Me Feel” on his own just as well as he can make loopy, rolling left-field garage with Hyetal on “Anything For Now.”

While most tracks on Joint Ventures are grade-A examples of his overlapping taste with his collaborators, Baobinga is not afraid to venture into new dimensions. I think the most surprising, innovative and refreshing track on the album is the unexpected direction of his collaboration with Gemmy, “Rockfall.” Here we see Gemmy — like Ginz, known for futureworld melodies — go off the deep end into an acrobatic bouncey blend of hip hop, drum and bass and his signature purple sound. “Barbakan,” his tune with XXXY on the album, is a wild, thumping and hard-hitting yet slow-and-housey banger. It sounds like a new direction for both their styles, and the only context I can imagine partying to this would be someone voguing and bush-whacking through the Amazon Rainforest with two gold sabers.

If there were anything to change, it would be that Joint Ventures is one or two tracks too long. Most of the songs are long anyway, and with so many memorable tunes, some of the other in between riddims district from favorites. Though I’m all for the chaotic, slap-you-in-the-face Untold remix, it feels too anxious compared to how smooth and playful the rest of the album is. Likewise with his collaboration with Guido “Bumba,” its mood seems unclear compared to the other awesome team-up from the two later in the album, “Ballin’.” Those tracks aside, Baobinga and his Justice League of bass come out on top in the end.

Holy Other – Know Where

Ssion – Clown

Felt Drawings – Barriers

It’s being reported that one of my least favorite Yankees to ever don the pinstripes bit the dust at his Los Angeles home this past Wednesday. While Hideki Irabu’s suspected suicide at the ripe age of 42 can only be described as tragic, this doesn’t change the fact that the Japanese-born hurler’s face was at one time emblazoned in my personal baseball hate pit.  Looking back at the man’s career, however, I suppose there will always be a special place in my heart burrowed out for the man George Steinbrenner once referred to as a “Fat Pussy Toad.”

As a young kid I distinctly remember the time leading up to the bombers signing Irabu, and the excitement that came along with his migration stateside. Up untill Irabu skipped across the pond, Hideo Nomo was essentially the only Asian to really thrive in the MLB, and I recall his starts being electrifying. Considering the reports that claimed Irabu had the kind of stuff that would put Nomo to shame, I had already started to count the rings that would result from the arrival of our new starter. Couple all this hype with the fact that Irabu kind of resembled a fat Japanese Babe Ruth, and I couldn’t have been more excited at the prospect of this pitching unknown.

Fast forward through the first couple months of Irabu’s career as a Yankee, and any excitement that the pitcher had at one time elicited within me had basically been stomped out. Statistically, Irabu was generally just horrible, amassing a 7.08 ERA in only nine starts. Somewhere along the line though, Irabu became one of those rare players that were so bad you couldn’t help but root for him. You knew something horrible was going to happen every time the dude approached the hill, but this made regular season games more interesting in many respects. Despite the fact that Irabu was playing for a veritable juggernaut of a baseball team, he still managed to come off as an underdog, and who doesn’t like rooting for those guys. Also, when your team is winning constantly, there is a perverse pleasure that comes along with seeing a member of your rotation get shelled out on the mound.

Anyway, by the time Irabu decided to hang up the cleats, the pitcher had supposedly pieced together a perfectly mediocre career, statistically speaking. While this fact may be true, the damage had already been done in the minds of baseball fans nationwide. I completely lost interest in Irabu after the Yanks had dealt him to the now defunct Montreal Expos in ’99, but I suppose that’s what happens when you’re sent to a failing Canadian franchise on the brink of collapse. All I had left to remember the pitcher by, was an oversized T-shirt with his mug on the front of it, that was bound to get ripped playing street hockey within the then foreseeable future.

If it seems like I’m trivializing the life of this professional athlete, and mostly tragic figure, it’s because I  am. Looking back though, Irabu represented one of the quirky characters that comprised the Yankees teams of my youth. These squads produced myriad lasting memories, and eventually hooked me on the sport as a whole. While Irabu may have been only a minor component of these teams, he was still a two-time World Champion, and this fact really can’t be swept under the rug. Also, I apologize ahead of time if the title of the post came off as insensitive… I couldn’t help myself.

If you enjoy subwoofer-wobbling music (everything from grime to dubstep), you know Plastician. The Croydon producer isn’t just from the birthplace of dubstep – he’s also one of the key players who took London’s bass music global.

Plastician’s Sound That Speaks Volumes 11 is his latest annual mix of “everything good and proper” in dubstep and grime. He includes plenty of tracks by old favorites (Benga, Skream, and Flux Pavilion) along with material from new heads like DS1, Zeds Dead, and J:Kenzo. In the right hands, mixing grime and dubstep together can be particularly brutal. Case in point: dropping the “POW 2011″ acapella over Caspa’s “Check Yourself.”

Download Plastician’s Sound That Speaks Volumes 11 (Click Here)

I’m sure most diehard OG Office fans generally felt apprehensive when the series was given a new American cast, and relaunched stateside on NBC. These folks had every right to withhold opionion on the venture, as overseas reboots of beloved television sitcoms have at times yielded some pretty horrific results. I’ll kindly direct your attention to the Americanized version of the beloved British series Coupling, as a prime example of a remake going horribly awry. Anyway, depending on who you were to talk to, The American Office succeeded in a lot of ways, even if some specific blogging interns have started to feel as though the series has overstayed its welcome.

Switching focus to an entirely separate Office offshoot, it seems that Afghanistan has decided to put their own spin on this franchise, with the creation of a new television series entitled The Ministry. While SNL poked fun at a fictional Japanese version of the program a few years back, it seems that this Afghan Office is pretty legitimate and will eventually debut on ToloTV.  I’m not completely sure whether or not there are any direct ties here to the minds responsible for the prior two shows, but I really kind of doubt it. Taking into account the quality of this trailer, which was just released, I figure Ricky Gervais or Greg Daniels might take some umbrage at having to attach their name to this thing.

Apparently, The Ministry will be set within the nation’s Ministry of Garbage, and could at times tackle the issue of political corruption. The series will presumably also feature a decent portion of in-office hijinks, as the trailer prominently features a pair of co-workers frivolously arguing over a stapler. This whole bit may come off a little hack to our trained western comedy palettes, but I wonder if this mundane brand of Office-Space type humor could feel fresh to an Afghanistan audience… Also, I apologize ahead of time for sounding like a pompous American douche bag throughout that last sentence.

At risk of sounding culturally insensitive or completely ignorant, this new series just doesn’t seem very good. I’m aware that quite a bit of the humor here may get lost in translation, and that much of The Office’s appeal is built on a premise of subtlety, but this new series seems egregious in its unfunniness. I will say, however, that the goofy sound effects here totally caught me off guard, and added a super-stupid Tim and Eric-y feel to the whole affair. At any rate, we’ll have to wait around until this thing premiers to get a full damage report.

FWY! – CA 80′s-90′s (2011) [Brave Mysteries] // Grade: B+

If the Units’ “I-5” can be seen as a tribute to Kraftwerk’s “Autobahn,” with it sprawling synth driven melody, than the new album from Teenage Panzercorps’ Edmund Xavier might be seen as a tribute to both. As a former San Francisco native who spends much of his time in Germany, Xavier manages to capture the feel of cosmic travelling music as well as the Bay Area’s Units or the dudes from Dusseldorf. CA 80’s-90’s is defined by the sense of freedom that only the open road and no ambition offers.

Unlike his work with Teenage Panzerkorps which is such traditional NDW that it could pass for vintage with the proper packaging, FWY! seems to be a culmination of influences. Bits of krautrock and cosmic disco meld with the drum and basslines of early Chicago House and the overdriven bass of early Britsh post-punk. All these elements meet to for music that is both epic and naïve at the same time. This is the perfect BGM for a long journey, although it wold do equally well on a dancefloor controlled by Beppe Loda or Baldelli.

With track lengths almost all pushing the ten minute mark, this is by no means am easy album.  This is not simple chillwave marketed to capitalize on the new craze. All of these instrumentals demand attention, although they can easily pass for background ambiance. Be wary though, if you pop this into your deck and start a task, you might get lost in the complexity that comes from the simplicity of the rhythms presented.  Shorter songs and few vocals may have made this an easier to digest, but it also would have lost much of its charm.

In the world of the three minute pop song, it is rewarding to hear and album that wants you to listen.

As if the general public was ever really clamoring for films based on archaic board games, it now seems that movies based upon your favorite rainy day pass time might be hitting a theater near you sooner than you’d think. This trailer for Peter Berg’s adaptation of Milton Bradley’s Battleship: The Tactical Combat Game hit the internet just yesterday, and couldn’t seem any more silly. Generally, I can get psyched on the most mundane of action franchises, but I’m having quite a bit of trouble envisioning myself toughin’ it out through this potential train wreck.

The Battleship teaser trailer only clocks in at about 2 minutes, and doesn’t reveal much in the way of plot. What the clip does convey however, is that space aliens will be thrown into the mix, and will evidently be attacking US naval water crafts with peg-shaped lasers and bombs. If you think I’m pulling your leg here, I urge you to actually watch the trailer posted above. Suffer through the trite love-story outlined throughout the first half of the thing, and you’ll be given a glimpse of exactly what I speak of.

At this point, I’m tempted to make a joke surrounding the release of a Yahtzee movie that would feature giant aliens who dump huge dice on Earth, but I’m essentially just exasperated. I like going to the movies as much as the next jerk, and there have certainly been some worthwhile pictures released in recent memory. Throughout this Summer though, it seems that the steady stream of turds that Hollywood has been crapping out smell stinkier than ever. I have to take some umbrage at picture studios attempting to package up a Milton Bradley/Hasbro game, and sell it to me as a feature film. For the most part, I tend to enjoy really dumb stuff, but at some point you have to draw a line in the sand… Movies based on board games may provide the impetus to produce said mark.

“And if ya squad flex, I’m lettin’ off like Bernhard Goetz.” – Big L, “Da Graveyard”

As themes, “revenge” and “vigilantism” are two of the most explored in film. What spiritual or moral line must a man cross to get revenge? Does it make it him any better than the scum? Etc. They’re simple elements to build an entire film around. It’s easy: a man – usually middle-aged – loses his wife/kids/ in a gruesome murder. Sometimes the hoods rape them first. After the judicial system fails him and the hoods walk, the man decides to take justice into his own hands. Sometimes it takes some extra coaxing by friends, but by the end, the hoods are dead and the man gets his revenge. Lots of badass dialogue is peppered throughout.

The quote above comes from the Big L song “Da Graveyard” and references Bernhard Goetz, the controversial “Subway Vigilante” who in 1984 shot four black youths in a Manhattan subway train. He claimed it was self defense. Whether it was or not, it’s probably the most well-known case of non-fiction vigilantism. In real life, the vigilante usually doesn’t get busted by the police. Or they share a bizarre relationship with them. Like how Detective Ochoa let Paul Kersey skip town in Death Wish. Kindred bros.

I’ve deliberately chosen not to include Death Wish, the Godfather of revenge/vigilante movies. Charles Bronson, as Paul Kersey, could be the most well-known vigilante besides Batman. Also, there’s no Korean flicks here (check the title). The Koreans are running shit in the revenge movie department (see: this year’s I Saw the Devil). But this is a list, made for the internet; ergo, my goal is to prove how superior my taste is and to possibly turn you on to some cool movies you may have never heard of. Then, in turn, your job is to comment and tell me how huge of a jackass I am. But look deep in your heart and you know I’m right.

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5. Ms. 45 (1981) Directed by Abel Ferrara

Thana is having the worst day ever. First she’s raped in an alley on the way home from work. Since she’s mute, she can’t cry for help. Having a pistol shoved in your mouth doesn’t help either. Then she’s raped in her apartment! That’s enough for even the most innocent of seamstresses to pick up a .45 and gun down any male that looks your way. I’m not sure what the body count is in Ms. 45, but it’s probably higher than any other movie in this piece. She seriously shoots every dick in the city.

Directed by NYC badass Abel Ferrara (OG Bad Lieutenant, King of New York) and starring the stunning model, essayist, and heroin advocate Zoe Lund, Ms. 45 is my favorite revenge flick with a female lead. The “rape/revenge” is a subgenre in it’s own right but the fact that Thana is mute makes her way more menacing than other gunsels. The climactic Halloween party scene at the end is a beautiful nightmare.

Even though I didn’t really dig it, Neil Jordan’s The Brave One should get props for having a female lead (Jodie Foster) who turns vigilante without being raped. If you wanna go traditional rape/revenge, I’m a fan of 1974′s Rape Squad, aka Act of Vengeance. They pour acid on a guy’s weiner! The title makes it sound like they drive around raping people though.

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4. Fighting Back (1982) Directed by Lewis Teague

While Ms. 45 might have the highest and most reckless body count in this piece, Fighting Back is the most tame. The most gruesome moment occurs when a punk cuts an elderly woman’s finger off to get at a stubborn ring. What makes Lewis Teague‘s tale of vigilantism so hard is Tom Skerritt. As deli owner John D’Angelo he’s one of the most believable men in film who’ve been pushed too far. After two incidents in which his family is attacked, he forms a para-military of neighborhood business owners and builds an armored station wagon. Bad. Ass.

During one of their early raids of a local joint where local scumbags hang, Skerritt belts out one of the sickest calling card quotes ever: “My name is John D’Angeo! I MAKE THE BEST  HOT HERO IN TOWN!” Watching the sheriff from Picket Fences go berserk on pimps, purse-snatchers, and panty-sniffers is hypnotizing. The final strike on the punk that started it all is kinda silly, but as a whole John D’Angelo’s revenge is a helluva thing to watch.

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Have you ever been on Yahoo! Answers? If you haven’t, please, don’t go. It genuinely may deplete your intelligence. I mean that. And it’s not an issue of there being a lack of answers, but rather, the nature of the questions being asked. They’re insanely stupid. It’s unbelievable! The problem goes far beyond stupidity, however, to a place of sheer inconsideration. It’s cruel the things that these Yahoo! users impose on other, general users of the Internet! I’m hesitant even to provide a few examples, but not that hesitant.

For starters, here’s one regarding party-appropriate apparel:

This question, requiring just a basic level of decisiveness and personality, is typical of the type you’ll find littered across Yahoo! Answers. It’s not too stupid of a question either, but it has no business being posed to the collective community that is the World Wide Web. Lucy, Lucy, Lucy; You really don’t have anyone else to whom you can ask this question? There’s not one single person in your life who could advise you in this area just as well, if not better, than some random person (pervert) on the Internet? I guess it’s actually pretty ignorant of me to assume that everyone in this world with access to Yahoo! also has access to human beings. Yeah, that’s messed up.

But another thing, you’re already online! You’re on the Internet! Just look up 1960s icons! It’s this type of simple, shockingly easy to answer question that plagues Yahoo! Answers.

Another type of question frequently asked by users is the type that, well, is impossible to answer. Here’s one asked by a culinary school student:

How can you do that? You can’t. How do you ride a bike without a bike? Or, perhaps an even more poignant question for Thanh to answer: How do you spend money without having any money?

From there we move to the type of question that, while there is a definite answer to be found, it should stay unknown. Here’s this one, about, well…holes:

Jesus. Please, nobody tell this guy the answer.

Those are, more or less, the three main types of questions you’re gonna find around Yahoo! Answers. Often times the questions will be some combination of two types, like a question that doesn’t really have an answer (other than an obvious “no”) but also could easily be asked to anybody other than a Yahoo! user.

Here we have some straight up idiocy:

No, Joe Jack, you won’t. Protein, despite what you heard, is not a drug. You will, however, fail an IQ Test.

And then there’s this:

As far as I know, this does not exist. Really the only thing to suggest here is that you find two people that are down to have you follow them around while they interact (no screenplay crap + based on a true story) and then watch them have sex. And I guess one of these people would have to be a mother. Something tells me that this guy and the neck hole guy would hit it off famously.

Continuing along the downward spiral of SAT scores (the only real way to judge a person’s intelligence):

Dude. What does it matter? What is this information being surveyed for?

When did it stop being a word? Never. Snuck is the past participle and informal past tense for “to sneak.”

Yup. No such thing.

I don’t know, what does this sentence say?

http://translate.google.com/

Is this 100% a matter of opinion? Yeah, it is.

Sexist? No, never. Correct? Always. All girls love it, dude! You got it!

Someone put this guy in touch with the neck hole dude and the realistic milf porn guy. That’s the dream team right there.

Spend less time on the Internet. Talk to real people. Do anything. ANYTHING! You wanna paint more? Fine! Just do it. Don’t ask Yahoo! users what they think you should do. They don’t know you!

Fortunately, Yahoo! Answers has hidden a disclaimer deep in the shadows of their website, claiming, “Yahoo! does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any questions, answers or other posted information on Yahoo! Answers” Accuracy? This certainly is not a matter of accuracy. In fact, the answers are all pretty accurately addressed (at least, as accurately as they could be by a bunch of idiots), but the questions at hand are just so ridiculously mind numbing – that’s really what Yahoo! needs to legally protect themselves against! Brain damage.

I keep going back to their website to look for a couple more questions for this post, and just end up widening my eyes and shaking my head. Forget what I said before, go check it out. Do it. You’ll be okay, I imagine, as long as you eventually leave the site and have a conversation with someone, or read a book.

There are honestly so many questions on Yahoo! Answers similar to, “If your life was a song, what would the title be?”, “Do you think the person you are thinking about right now is thinking about you too?”, and, “What comes to your mind when I say ‘stars’?” And maybe I’m in the minority when I say that I don’t care at all what someone I don’t know thinks of when they hear the word “stars,” but I doubt it. I can’t be! And I honestly hope that no one, other than my mother, cares what I think of when hearing the word “stars” either. The world cannot be that imbecilic. True, Yahoo! Answers has over 200 million users (and yes, I got that figure from a Yahoo! Answers question, ironically), but I just won’t give up on mankind like that! The questions are too stupid! Do I think the person I am thinking about right now is thinking about me too? Only if every Yahoo! Answers user is currently pondering just how little I think of them. Now that, I would like an answer to.