What’s the worst thing in the world? I’ll give you a hint, it’s not war or famine. It’s a noob. More specifically, for today at least, it’s noobs who cannot properly ride the bus. This morning I was fortunate enough to stand behind a girl on the bus who just refused to hold on to any of the railings or poles. As a result she continuously fell backwards, bumping into me. Now, were we at a high school dance this would be perfectly acceptable, and in response, I would grab her by the hips and we would “dance”. As I mentioned, however, this was not a dance. It was a bus ride.

Furthermore, when it came time to exit the bus, another incredibly noobish atrocity took place. My dance partner and I, as well as other guests of the bus, were at the front attempting to exit, only to have our efforts foiled by one courteous gentleman looking to hastily enter the bus. This noob, in an attempt to board the bus as soon as possible, I guess, decided that he was going to push through the people already on their way out the door, as if side-by-side travel was at all possible through the slender entrance.

It was not.

As a result, the entire bus was congested, and now, instead of entering quickly and perhaps getting a good seat, the gent could not enter, and we could not exit. It was a standstill. A stalemate. A standard example of a noob ruining everything.

For the simple fact that I am successful at any and all endeavors I undertake, noobs annoy me. Over the course of however long I want I will detail my encounters with noobs, and together we will investigate just why they noob it so hard.

I am sensing that some of you are still a little confused as to the exact definition of a “noob”. “What is a noob?” “Am I a noob?” No, just the fact that you’re here on the Мишка Bloglin makes me confident that you are not a noob. And if by some slim chance you are, don’t worry, for it won’t last much longer. I couldn’t bear to see you waste your life like that.

Here is just a brief history on the term noob: It comes from the word “newbie”. It also comes from the gaming community. They would use it as a derogatory term for someone who made a novice mistake. At some point I adopted the term noob, not as a gamer of computer games, per se, but as a gamer of life. And in the game of life, as you will soon come to realize, there are many noobs.

- Elbows