I’ve got some bad news, Reader. It seems that the Concise Oxford English Dictionary will be phasing out the term “cassette player” from upcoming editions of the dictionary. From here on out we all will have to refer to the still existent form of music listener as, “plastic boxes that you put rectangular, music-holding blocks into.” Or, otherwise, as the original, inefficient plastic iPods.

It seems like quite the preemptive move on Oxford’s part. After all, cassette tapes and players both still exist! Sure, they’re not the most common or popular form of music listening device, but they’re still out there. We still need a name for them. Why, it was just about a year ago that we wrote a feature here on the Bloglin about the renewed surge of cassette tape popularity.

The streets are saying that this eradication is due, in part, to the Concise Oxford’s need to be concise (the word will be retained in the complete Oxford Dictionary), and is meant to make room for new words, one of which is the word “noob.” The addition of noob to any sort of official collection of words is something that I could not be more happy about. However, this begs the question what other colloquialisms will eventually find their way into our dictionaries? Could it be this: “: )“? It better not be, honestly. The day we start throwing computer faces (I know, “emoticon,” I just think that’s a really shitty word and don’t want to use it) and text message abbreviations into our sacred bank of compound-letters-with-different-meanings (words) is the day that I learn a new language. And that is sincerely a day that I hope never comes, because for how remarkably knowledgeable I am with regards to the English language, I can’t for the life of me seem to pick up another language.

Unfortunately, with the eradication of cassette player, in addition to the word video jockey, though that term really is of no use anymore (take it up with MTV), it seems that : ) is closer than ever to making its slimy way into the dictionary. Better get me a French text book.

- Elbows