Some things are better left untouched. The campy horror/comedy, Fright Night, is one of them. The film, originally released in 1985, centers around a coming true of childhood fears, the notion that a vampire could be living right next door to you, observing you and your loved ones with the intention of turning your family into a midnight snack. A fun, solid plot with plenty of room for cheap gags, cheesy dialogue, and off-the-wall character types, Fright Night became a definitive ’80s spooktacular and edged itself into the bloodsucking hall of fame.

In 2011, the curse of the remake strikes again and Fright Night is it’s helpless, sanguine victim. Say goodbye to most of what you loved about the forerunner and welcome in loads of barely lit shots, a cheap sense of pop-cultural self-awareness (i.e. references to Twilight), and digitally enhanced graphics in place of character development. You may be asking yourself what happened to the most freakishly unforgettable cast member, ‘Evil Ed’?

He’s been replaced with a nasally Christopher Mintz-Plasse playing ‘Ed’, a dumbed-down version of the spiky-haired spazz whose speech pattern and sarcasm literally stole the show once upon a time. Here’s a little known factoid — Stephen Geoffreys, the first Evil Ed, went from playing Fright Night’s lovable, high-school headcase to acting in gay porn films, over 25 titles that is. Many have debated this, as he pumps dudes under an adult pen-name and has aged quite a bit leaving some fans to question the likeness but I digress.

So we’ve got Anton Yelchin playing the slightly naive, do-good, Charlie Brewster, and Colin Farrell as his fanged nemesis, Jerry “The Vampire” Dandridge. Throw in a few damsels for distressing and a celebrity with an affinity for the occult and you’ve got yourself a tried and true money-maker to be exhumed and exploited. As you can see, I had some problems warming up to this one and a lot of it had to do with how serious the movie took itself.

Part of what made the initial Fright Night so enjoyable was the balance between teen comedy and supernatural scares that translated more as an on-screen whoopie cushion than a harsh act of violence. Instead, director Craig Gillespie, of Mr. Woodcock notoriety, made it his duty to swap “moments” for CG flashiness and barely visible, due to the abuse of low-lighting, bite and fight scenes.

Following closely the same storyline as it’s predecessor with a few minor alterations. Average kid, Brewster, gets a new neighbor, a charming, suave, and, in this case, buff vampire named Jerry. Of course, his allegiance to darkness isn’t realized until Ed, a childhood friend shunned because of his awkward and pestilent manner, disappears, in addition to many others gone missing since the move-in.His girlfriend and mother believe Charlie Brewster has lost his mind, a paranoid nut that believes his only hope of surviving the coming days with his family intact is to arm himself with crosses, holy water, and wooden stakes but only after recruiting the help of the reluctant T.V. host, Peter Vincent, from the paranormal program, Fright Night.

That’s really all you need to know. My suggestion — If you haven’t, or even have, watched the first one, see it and skip this one. I literally cringed listening to mucusy McLovin say “You’re so cool, Brewster.” Hey, shit, I almost forgot, Hollywood will be butchering another classic come September 16th, uh-huh I’m talkin’ bout Straw Dogs. That will probably make this remake look like ’78s Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Oh well, I’ve come to accept nothing is sacred anymore but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

- Casper