Yesterday, it was revealed that ESPN The Magazine would be running a story in its next issue, out September 5, titled “What if Michael Vick Were White?” with the subtitle reading, “Since the day he was arrested, people have asked. The answer isn’t what you think.” No, the answer was not what anybody thought, as it turned out to be another instance of using a controversial, inflammatory headline to boost print sales.

However, along with the ridiculous title came the below illustration of what ESPN suspects Vick would actually look like were he white. Now, overnight, sports nerds everywhere have been shaming ESPN by making their own “What if Michael Vick Were…” images, including the one up top by The Source of “What if Peyton Manning Were A Black White Michael Vick?” Below check out the original “What if…” image along with some of the best imitations.

“What If Michael Vick Were White?”

“What If Michael Vick Were A Ginger?”

“What If White Michael Vick Were Black Michael Vick?”

“What If Michael Vick Were Marcus Vick?”

“What If Michael Vick Were An Actual Eagle?”

“What If Michael Vick Were A Vegan Chocolate Ice Cream Cone?”

“What I Michael Vick Were Made of Barbecued Spare Ribs? Would You Eat Him?”

Via TotalProSports

GZA. Wavves. Yes (not the band Yes, but the affirmative grammatical particle)!

Wu-Tang founding legend, GZA, backed by Wavves performed the emcees classic joint, “Liquid Swords” on Fuel TV’s The Daily Habit. Sounding very similar to the original, but with an extra bit of “hang loose” from Wavves’ surf-rock vide, the performance is really dope. Look out for GZA’s Liquid Swords II: The Return of the Shadowboxer coming soon (date TBA) and the world premiere premiere of Wavves’ new single, “I Wanna Meet Dave Grohl” following the 2011 MTV Music Video Awards on August 28.

Surf Rock. Hip Hop. Yeah!

That’s right! The late Party Down returned in the form of a nearly full cast reunion at the end of last night’s Children’s Hospital. And man, was it amazing! Well, it was fine. Pretty underwhelming, but what can you expect after dreaming of a Party Down reprisal for so long. Despite being thirty-five seconds and lacking Adam Scott, it was nice to just see the cast together again and know that someone, somewhere is still mourning the death of a very funny show.

Rest in peace Party Down, or don’t and get picked up for a third season by another network. Yeah, do that, actually.

World-renowned, award-winning pornstar, Andy San Dimas stopped by our Echo Park store the other day and we couldn’t have been more thrilled to have her! In fact, we welcomed her with open arms! Open arms; how about that?

Between winning both the AVN Award for Best Actress and the XBIZ Award for Female Performer of The Year, this year has been a big one for Andy. She also appeared in English metalcore band, Ask Alexandria‘s 2011 video, “To The Stage.”

Check out that video above, and head over to San Dimas’ website to check out many more videos! If you’re in the mood, that is.

Мишка LA
1547 Echo Park Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90026
213-536-4234

Ryan Hemsworth – A Way (2011) [Self-Released] // Grade: A

Man, Ryan is the kind of dude that makes me feel like a complete slacker. I listen to this dude’s beats and wonder what the fuck I’ve been doing in all the time I spend making beats, because I’m not coming up with anything like this. You know the type of dudes that seem to somehow embody everything that’s great about the music you like from the past — in part cause they sample it — and then get in the studio and flex like a fuckin’ boss and bring an entirely contemporary and fresh method to the table? And then smile the whole time while the world feasts? That’s Ryan. Big fuckin’ infinite Santa Claus of sound making sure that all the world’s children have been pleased, because no matter your proclivities there is no way you can play this record from start to finish without being entirely taken by one of the tracks on here. There is no way you put this on without seeing eye-to-eye with Hemsworth on at least one of his 6 tracks.

The record starts out in some strange limbo between funk, disco, and poly-polished rap. First come the rimshots that trap rap have made a staple of contemporary beat music. Ryan goes back to the original break for the still-bangin 3-6 anthem “Stay Fly”. From here he builds up a lush groove that spreads out and creates the basis for a pristine funk machine chugging along at a moderate 4/4 whilst Lil Wayne and Birdman adlibs stutter and chirp, and cinematic strings, soaring choruses, and restrained synths step forward and then back in a hypnotic “Mother May I” of vibin’ ass tunes. From there Ryan will take you through dubstep, yacht rock, synth pop, and subtle atmospheres.

All throughout the musical melange though there is a common thread: hip hop samples. Not much time passes before a vocal sample from a hip hop record makes an appearance at any point in the record. It’s a very interesting move. Something like cooking a huge vegetarian feast then placing a hamburger atop it all. Ryan’s music definitely overflows any category that we might stick it in, but he tells us where it belongs, he makes it clear what these tunes are, and what he’s doing. But he doesn’t ever come out and say it. He never really gets into the full Karl Kani getup. Instead he puts on a Karl Kani belt once in a while, and always has an MCM wallet. This is the kind of hip hop that probably doesn’t get called hip hop because it’s “too musical”.

It’s hard to imagine rappers on most of these beats, but Hemsworth is definitely working with rappers. So, it’s no stretch to assume that some of these songs might be rapped on. But it’s the impossibility here that’s really interesting to me. If it’s obvious that a rapper would rap on a beat, how exciting can the outcome be? However, if it’s not obvious, then you get into some pretty rad stuff. I commend Ryan for his work. It’s not easy to make hip hop that’s unpredictable because hip hop is largely created by abiding a very strict set of laws. But, Ryan is one of a few dudes who can undermine those laws, and turn out something that everyone simply must love. Welcome to the future.

Louis C.K. is a genius. I could end this Re-up right now having only said that one sentence. Whether or not you’ve seen this week’s episode, “Duckling“, I don’t care. It’s never been more irrefutable that Louis C.K. is currently creating the most brilliant comedy on television.

For your sake, I’ll keep going with this review. “Duckling” is a one hour (forty-one minute) Louie special, “based on [his] USO experience and an idea by my 6 yr old,” C.K. said via his twitter. The episode starts with a particularly innocent bit of standup from Louie, of course innocent here still means involving assholes and infidelity. They’re awesome bits, though, regarding how ducks only have one hole and how lions scare people.

From there the show moves to Louie’s daughter’s school, where, first, there is an awesomely funny and subtle recall of the mother that slept with Louie and then cried and ate blueberries. Yet the glare he receives is quickly forgotten as he finds out that he has to take a group of ducklings home for the night. His daughter’s teacher is unsympathetic even when he informs her that he has to leave for Afghanistan in the morning; she doesn’t care. He takes the ducks.

Then we are treated to a very cute scene of Louie and his daughters chasing the ducks around their apartment followed by one of C.K. tucking them (his daughters) into bed while his youngest daughter is, again, being the most annoying child in existence, continually asking to keep one of the ducklings (meanwhile, his other daughter gives a shit about him and is asking if he’ll be alright in Afghanistan). Finally Louie calls her dude, saying, “Dude. No!” and that is very funny. I wasn’t really going to mention this cutesy scene except that after this whole darling exchange, Louie sits in the bathroom while the ducks are in the tub and as one of them is scratching its head the audio of a helicopter fades in, and I really wanted to mention this part. It’s just another instance of one of my favorite parts of this entire series, which is just how enamored with filmmaking Louis C.K. is and how detailed and careful every episode is.

From there the rest of the episode witnesses Louie traveling through Afghanistan with a couple other performers and making stops at different military bases to perform for US troops. Amidst the standup performances are a couple other sub-plot bits, one about Louie striving to find common ground with a 19-year-old Christian cheerleader, and another about Louie discovering that his daughter put one of the ducklings in his bag in order to, “keep him safe,” and now he has to in turn keep it safe. The duckling, as it turns out, does end up saving C.K.’s life when their helicopter is forced to make an emergency landing and some Afghani villagers find them and are not happy to see them.

Duckling is incredibly patriotic but never cheesy or sappy, even with the country songs Kenny Thomas plays throughout the show. It takes a personal look at what war is and what it is to be a part of a USO tour. The writing, directing, editing, and even the long passages without any sort of jokes are all superbly done. The directing, especially, is some of C.K.’s finest work, between the various helicopter shots and the scene of his daughter’s and him chasing the ducks, it’s all impeccable. “Duckling” is one of the most linear and cohesive episodes of Louie yet and again sees the comedian take this show to areas to other comedy has ever ventured. Seriously, go watch this, and every other episode of Louie is you have not, and check out C.K.’s real USO tour blog here.

Мишка x Outlier Pivot Plaid Button Down Shirts ($84.00)

A few years back Outlier re imagined the button down shirt. They took it apart and rebuilt it in a way that was conducive to riding your bike, while remaining fashionable. With its innovative seam construction, the pivot offers free range movement without the restrictions usually associated with trying to ride in a men’s dress shirt. You could now reach forward on your bike without the sleeves riding up on you or the back untucking from your pants.

For this fall we got together with our Brooklyn neighbors to offer a Pivot shirt in some of our custom eye grabbing plaid patterns. Pick one up, or go for all three in Black, Grape or Red plaid cotton poplin and get out there on your bikes and start enjoying the cooling weather.

Мишка
350 Broadway
Brooklyn, NY
718-388-1725
—
Мишка LA
1547 Echo Park Ave
Los Angeles, CA
213-536-4234

From modern movie monster maestro Guillermo Del Toro comes this remake of the classic 1973 TV movie Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark. Directed by comic artist Troy Nixey, this version sees young Sally (Bailee Madison) moving in with her father Alex (Guy Pearce) and his girlfriend Kim (Katie Holmes). They’re living in a massive antique home being renovated by Alex, who’s got his eyes on making the cover of Architectural Digest. The home once belonged to a trouble naturalist named Blackwood – a man who lived the tail end of his life in seclusion. After a hidden basement is uncovered, Sally naively releases some ancient “fairies” who have an insatiable taste for children’s teeth.

The original movie-of-the-week from 1973 is pretty damn scary. Del Toro himself has gone on record stating that it’s one of the scariest movies he’s ever seen. The remake, for better or worse, isn’t that scary. Besides some cheap jump-outs, I doubt anyone will be afraid of the dark after watching this. BUT it is an entirely enjoyable movie nonetheless. It has a throwback matinee vibe to it that makes it a blast from beginning to end. 12-year-old Bailee Madison (whose character didn’t even exist in the original) is a quiet storm who carries the film on her wee back. The sets are gorgeous. Hell, there’s just a lot to like here.

DBAOTD could easily fit into Del Toro’s oeuvre, especially stylistically, but he always seems to have 15 projects sitting on his plate (RIP At the Mountains of Madness). After being impressed by Nixey’s short film “Latchkey’s Lament” and his comic work, Del Toro reached out to Nixey to direct. He does a solid job, but it’s easy to see that Del Toro was mentoring the whole time (like Luc Besson did for Pierre Morel on Taken). Del Toro’s touches are all over the film: gothic set-pieces, suspense broken by bursts or brutality, anti-adult leanings, and heaps of fairy tale monster mayhem.

Katie Holmes’ character is fairly likeable but we never learn enough to care about her constant exasperation. Early on Kim hints at having a traumatizing childhood, so that leads her to emotionally attach herself to Sally, but we never learn exactly what the hell traumatized her. She helps the audience play detective on the dark forces that led Blackwood to insanity and lays out the exposition for us along the way. Guy Pearce is great as the too-cool-for-my-own-children Alex. He doesn’t believe anything his idiot daughter says and finds her pleas for protection against the nasties are nothing but bothersome. He’s trying to get on the cover of Architectural Digest, dammit! ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST!

The “fairies” are a nice upgrade from the depressed looking turnips from the original. They look like hunchbacked versions of the minions from The Gate. Once released by Sally, these little bastards run amok through the house – always staying in the shadows, traveling via ducts, and framing Sally for all kinds of mischief. What I like about these fairies is that they’re size and swiftness makes them scary. They’re whole schtick relies on nobody seeing or believing in them; like miniature Keyser Sozes who come out at night and eat your teeth. That’s some scary shit!

Like I mentioned earlier, Bailee Madison nails it as Sally: the young girl already jaded on any traditional notion of family. Her mom pumped her full of Adderall and granola and now she resembles a mini-Lydia Deetz. Just like Lydia, who latched on to Beetlejuice for love, Sally initially reaches out to the fairies to be her friend. The fairies gladly stir the pot; telling Sally that no one loves her and she should just hang out with them forever in the basement. It doesn’t take long for Sally to see the fairies’ true aim. Madison handles a lot of emotional tension for a young actress. Lil’ chipmunk cheeks has got a future for sure.

Once Kim and Alex stop being stupid adults and believe Sally, the fight between fairies and humans doesn’t last too long, but it stays true to the original in its effective creepiness. As long as you don’t go into DBAOTD expecting it to be horrifying, I think you’ll enjoy yourself. It’s an excellent little fairy tale with all the blood, folklore, and attention to detail Del Toro does so damn well. It’s a welcome film to a summer lacking in the horror department and hey, it’s not in fucking 3D!

Machinedrum – Room(s) (2011) [Planet Mu] // Grade: A-

When it comes to New York based contemporary beatsmiths, few are as versatile, prolific and innovative as Travis Stewart, aka Machinedrum. For more than a decade he has produced and composed in a variety of different genres, from hip hop, IDM to various mutations of bass music. His latest release Room(s), brought to us by Planet Mu, is by far the best blend of all his numerous styles.

It’s important to note that Stewart always does his homework when taking on his own interpretation of an electronic music sub genre. While previous Machinedrum releases such as his 2009 album Want to 1 2? explored the glitchy, mechanical yet soulful side of New York hip hop, Room(s) is a brand new direction for him, as he noticeably draws inspiration from UK garage and Chicago’s speed-demon dance music subgenre, footwork. Right out of the gates, the opening track “She Died There” launches you into a sub bass booming dream sequence with pummeling, slanted rhythms and mysterious, ghostly vocal samples. This opening track is genre-defying, to say the least. It’s not footwork. It’s not dubstep. It’s not garage. It’s not hip hop. It’s not R&B. It’s not rave. It’s Machinedrum.

While previous Stewart releases such as his work with Praveen Sharma as Sepalcure have more laid back, deep grooves, Room(s) comes across as a fast, momentous journey. The entire album sounds like a polygraph going berserk to Harrison Ford’s Replican empathy test in Blade Runner. From beginning to end, Room(s) has a sense of tension that never gets fully resolved, rather it keeps switching, modulating and propelling farther and farther to somewhere outside of our atmosphere. That said, despite being a synthetic voyage, there is soul in this machine. The chopped up R&B samples and Stewart’s own aethereal voice throughout the album communicates an encoded message sent from a broken satellite. The encrypted stories in each song on Room(s) are open to your own personal interpretation and computing.

Some of the vocals I could do without, however, and would rather hear the instrumentals breathe. I feel like “Where Did We Go Wrong” glows without them. At the same time, vocals on a song like “Come1″ — my favorite song on the album — transform a dope beat into a downright awesome song. I would love to hear more songs within that direction. To be able to seamlessly combine so many genres, from folk music, ambient, dubstep, juke, garage, drum and bass and roll them into one unique, distinct track is an incredible feat without coming across as contrived. “Come1″ is simply a great song true to the spirit of its influences. Regardless, I’d be interested in hearing instrumental versions of all of the tracks on this record.

“Door(s)” initially made me anxious when I first heard it, but then the title itself began to strike imagination. When I was on the subway listening to this for the 3rd time, I imagined entering the next subway car to this track, finding myself in another world. A new dimension? A new planet? A dream? The future? It’s unclear. Fortunately though, you never feel “trapped” in a loop with this track like listening to a 20 minute Radio Slave or Ricardo Villalobos tune; it’s more like riding in a centrifuge that broke free and launched into orbit.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, no one else sounds like Machinedrum on this album. To me, Room(s) is Stewart’s best effort when it comes to articulating his life experience in quirky, mysterious, synthetic and soulful modern pop songs.

Main Attrakionz – Swaggin’ Hard

Main Attrakionz – Perfect Skies

Main Attrakionz – Still the Legion

Go download 808s & Dark Grapes II and catch Mondre and Squadda at their first NYC show tonight at the New Museum.