Every night before I go to sleep, I make sure to say thank you to the Based God for the bounty of happiness that I have received that day. I know a lot of you based disciples do the same. Lil B – formerly Brandon McCartney before the ascension – has long tried to make it clear that he is not actually the Based God, but I think we all know that’s exactly the type of ruse the real Based God would use to throw us off his scent. Nice try B, but your glow is just too bright. Your influence too deep, varied, and strong. People are compelled to show their love to you.
In fact, as your popularity grows and grows, tributes to the Based God get ever more intense and widespread. And no, I’m not talking about your track “Tribute To Lil B” off of the classical Choices & Flowers mixtape, though that is a pretty damn based piece of classical music. I’m talking about us regular old peons showing you love, whether it be on the internet, on national television, or even on our own bodies. People have really gone above and beyond. So without further adieu, here’s the five best tributes to Lil B.
This one is brand new, and was sort of the inspiration for this list, so I wouldn’t feel comfortable putting it above the 5 spot. But that doesn’t mean I can fully discount the pretty damn impressive undertaking that VICE writer SB Kasulke and his roommate Sam undertook by listening to Based freestyles for over two days straight, sleep deprivation be damned. I’m surprised they weren’t speaking in tongues by the end, except ramblings comprised entirely of “swag” “brang ding ding” “ye feel me” and “whoadie.”
Apparently they did start to become quite afraid of their home appliances though. Unexpected Based God consequences if I’ve ever seen them. I was also a little disappointed that they filled a majority of their time with B’s 600 track Free Music mixtape. Not that it’s bad, but I would have liked to have seen a little more variety, an integration of the Flame series, perhaps a sojourn into the more experimental Rain In England zone. But still. Kudos.
Having been there myself, I can attest to the fact that Lil B’s lecture at NYU earlier this year was an incredibly #rare experience, both literally and figuratively. Lil B isn’t exactly on the speaking circuit at all times, but I really loved that night. I know a lot of people were there just to chuckle at him, but I was legitimately touched by the amount that were there to laugh with him, to feed off his positivity, and to really listen to him.
I mean obviously he’s going to be funny, but people don’t give B enough credit as far as self awareness. At least, for once, NYU was smart enough to do something cool. Allowing Lil B to give a serious lecture at the school was a great tribute. No lie, it was far and away (like… so much) the best thing they did while I was a student there. So shouts to you John Sexton, NYU President. You have a pretty based side.
3. Celebratory Cooking Dances
I think I almost actually shit my pants the first time I saw an athlete do the cooking dance after an awesome play. I’m a big Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan, so last season when LeGarrette Blount scored an awesome game winning touchdown against the Colts and immediately burst into a boisterous cooking dance, I thought I had died and gone to Based heaven. Then Aqib Talib did it too. Soon I started seeing it happen all over the place.
Star receiver Stevie Johnson did it. Deion Sanders did it at a barbecue (that half counts!). Tyvon Branch did it. This Under-20 USA Soccer team member did it after a goal. Hell, even the entire VCU basketball team did it in the locker room after advancing to the Sweet 16 in the NCAA tournament. I fear the cooking dance may becoming phased out in the end zone dance department (it’s a fickle world) but I will remember it fondly as perhaps my favorite celebration.
2. Lil B Makes The Yearbook
I don’t know who started this trend for sure, but salute to the kid who first thanked the BasedGod in his yearbook quote. Believe it or not, this has happened many times, and all of these kids are way fucking cooler than I was in High School, no matter how desperately awkward and friendless some of them may look in their photos: make no mistake, these kids have swag dripping out of their orifices. No boutros.
It’s gone even farther than that too, with some people even quoting some of their favorite Based Psalms. That one kid up there even erroneously thanked the “BaseGod”. Nice try D’nyeal, better luck next time! BasedGod forgives you though. One guy even included a “whoop!” for good measure. Now that is some serious fucking commitment. Your parents must be so proud.
1. The BasedGod Makes Fox News’ Bin Laden Coverage
I mean come on: this really is one of the most surreal videos you can find on the internet. Shouts to whoever the fuck the guy is for having the cojones to thank the Based God very loudly on national television, just inches away from Geraldo Rivera as he reports upon one of the biggest news stories of the past decade, the long awaited death of ”Usama” Bin Laden (Fox News: always the contrarian). If you go by the numbers, which is exactly what you would do in a situation like this, the most watched news station is in fact Fox News.
Considering this was probably the most watched news story of the year, it’s safe to say that a dude yelling out “Thank You Based God” was simultaneously observed by more Americans than any other event all year, and probably in a long time. I might not even be exaggerating there. Life can be pretty damn strange sometimes. Thanks BasedGod!- Whole Milk