Kevin Durant – Small Forward for Oklahoma City Thunder // Born: 1988

Vs.

Lil B – Rapper/BasedGod // Born: 1989

Battle of the tiny pants bitches! Now on a normal day, I wouldn’t be surprised to see myself throwing down the Choice Is Yours gauntlet on these two fellers just for the sake of novelty, but in this case I actually have very good reason for pitting a freestyling God against the unsettlingly lithe basketball superstar. You see, these two have somewhat improbably found themselves embroiled in an ongoing Twitter beef which may or may not end in OKC based (lol) one-on-one game between the two, which Lil B would almost certainly win.

It appears this all started sometime in last season’s playoffs, when Kevin Durant made the grave error of calling Brandon a wack rapper. One would have to assume that it was the negative Based karma from this comment that would eventually lead to the Thunder’s loss in the Finals. Bad KD, now you owe Russell Westbrook and James Harden a ring, if in fact Harden has recovered from the spate of “terrible basketball playing” that cursed him so powerfully in the late post-season. Lil B responded (on Twitter, natch) with the very reasonable suggestion that the two of them battle it out on the court. KD best be shaking in his heavy-framed glasses. No one wants to get stunted on by a guy in a tight pink v-neck and a bindi, ya feeyul me?

So which one is it folks? Keep in mind that while Kev might have the lackadaisical eyes and upturned countenance of aloof joviality, his torso as-not-covered-by-uniform is just as tatted up as B’s. Who knows what other skillz slender man is hiding. On the other hand, Based God is over 9000 so… The Choice Is Yours…

- Whole Milk