for the beginning, a review of boyparty reviews installment two: normally i am not so into that mushy gushy stuff but this was very good and transcendent. i like how he is not afraid of his own heart or anyone else’s.
now for the business of now: now that it is october and fall and the seasons have changed, it is a time to be a little bit nostalgic about summertime, when there is less school and more heat and all of the pretty girls are walking around in sunglasses. so the theme for right now is:
summertime and girls and america
color coordinated summer streetwear: not for me.
today’s weather: i don’t know, i’m staying inside. they’re showing batman and robin on FX.
a weekend i had in the middle of july: squashed by the tremendously poor attitude of hyper athletic roommate’s visiting long distance girlfriend.
our nation’s pastime baseball: very good choice by us. easy to learn difficult to master. better than cricket.
kickball: underappreciated pastime. recommended. easy to learn difficult to master.
tom sawyer shorts: 98% effective.
the butts on broadway the week of june 15: a wide range. horrifying to excellent.
boobs on the verge: fwoop
denim cutoffs and XXXL deep v-necks: this summer’s official uniform of freedom.
mike’s hard cranberry lemonade: excellent summer look.
corduroy camo pants: excessive, overbearing.
bellies that show just a little bit under sundresses: ummm yes of course obviously yes to those
a hangover i had in early august: horrible. a giant flaming boulder my eyes were chained to. made better when i left my bedroom and remembered that my good friend had thrown up and fallen asleep on the kitchen floor! we got fresh squeezed juices and bacon and saved the day!
very thin gold chains on hairy chests: scary. bad. symbol of internal pain.
driving a cadillac: smooth. the cadillac of driving.
last night’s vry laym croo: intolerable, night ruining. haunting me still.
the guy a couple months ago who I thought was Dutch then turned out to be Argentinian: a drunk and sweaty mystery.
the evil man with the ponytail and expressive eyebrows who hangs out at the same place as i do and gave me a threatening look the other month: terrifying, actually dangerous. the stuff of nightmares.
crewneck sweatshirts: fashion forward. leaves something up to the imagination. pair well with cut-offs.
the bald, red-headed foreigner with mole on forehead who walked by a bench i was on: oblivious and beautiful. a good person i think.
slightly chipped teeth in the mouths of girls: charming. for staring at in the best way.
girls with good scars not on their faces: a+
muscular calves: impressive. sign of regular athletic activity or good genes.
big pretty lips: objectively the best physical feature available on female humans.
the social network badoo: very evil digital portal to internet hell. users possessed, avoid.
the short and mean police officer who followed me a couple blocks then frisked me then gave me a disorderly conduct ticket because i was being too happy for the neighborhood: very dumb guy who makes me sad. a scary person to have a gun. not the finest.
my idea for a coffee table book that’s all just pictures of the fingers of different girls and descriptions of how the rest of them is really beautiful: worthless. very uncool. rethink. how about it’s just boobs?
my idea for a coffee table book that’s just me on every ferris wheel in the country: excellent idea. mass appeal. only flaw is maybe i never return to this place.
my idea for a coffee table book that’s about me searching the country for the best whole wheat everything bagel: excellent. loving the high concept, loving the specificity. pursue immediately.
my ten favorite american celebrities in no particular order:
one. Val Kilmer
two. Kurt Russel
three. Patrick Swayze
four. Metal Mike
five. Shane McConkey
six. Theodore Roosevelt
seven. Gwen Stefani
eight. Wyatt Earp
nine. Doc Holliday
ten. John Steinbeck
eleven. The Carradine Brothers
hit the jump for my review of my list!
review: very excellent list. unique and alien view of this nation’s popular culture. who is metal mike? disconnected from reality. homoerotic. shane mcconkey is canadian.- boyparty