a review of boyparty installment four: sometimes it seems like people have their priorities all out of whack! but i am glad that this guy is here to put sarah michelle gellar and space and cowboys back front and center where they belong until the rest of forever. this boy is a new and important voice for the whole family to enjoy.

here is the real thing: everybody knows how important it is to remember where you came from and respect your elders and be nice to your sister, but it is maybe even a bigger deal to keep your fingertips on the pulse of the streets you are on today and the here and now! the world is a big place and it is always good to remember that you and me and everyone else live in it, so today’s theme is:

the spirit and rhythm of today

the spirit and rhythm of today: just okay. not like it used to be.
the good old days: very excellent, will never be topped.
the roaring twenties: wild times, lots of dancing and banging. probably as much banging as today but with more dancing. less sex diseases but more disease diseases.
my vision of the 2020s: will not be roaring, silent because the Mist consumed us all.

today’s hangover: lonely.
the little girl who yelled butt buddies over and over out her window at me and my friend when we were standing around: very smart very witty, has a future
walking over the brooklyn bridge at 7pm when it is dark and the streetlights are dead halfway across and you are entering a city made of just shadows: very terrifying. all of the cyclists feel like enemies.

tube socks: i am wearing them under my jeans but nobody knows. i like it because it is like girls when they wear their secrets.
four loko peach flavor (new!): not refreshing, leaves a sticky mouth. like candy from under the sink.
my pokemon card collection: was never very impressive, has significantly depreciated in sentimental value plus also monetary because my little cousin stole my mewtwo. i said i would kill him or cut his ear off to get it back and meant it one million percent but my aunt intervened.

the goosebumps where the kid finds the typewriter and writes a story in it and then what he writes starts to happen in real life because it is a magic and maybe evil typewriter: very creepy. cannot remember the end or middle though and my mom threw out all of my goosebumps.
how no bookstores sell goosebumps anymore: very dumb. r.l. stine is big on twitter. what are the children reading today?
the lady at mcnally jackson who looked at me like a freak and a pervert and an idiot then said “they have them in BIG bookstores” when i asked if they sold goosebumps there: a very real life bad person and villain, stay away from her. was maybe never a child?

the new high quality very literary short story i am writing where a big fat dumb mouse girl is born a pretentious idiot thirty-year-old with a pickled brain and is the same age forever and gives sour looks to all the humans who are actually humans and works downstairs at mcnally jackson all her life and writes twelve drafts of a terrible, introspective novel that even her mother hates then she dies of depression when her psychiatrist is like hey cool it your life is fine your only number one problem is that you are a terrible person and that will never change. ends with epilogue where story is published in paris review and girl just like the girl in the story reads it and turns her life around to be nice and better because she does not want to die: very good, very daring and relatable subject matter. topical because those demons really haunt our streets. i wish that the girl in the epilogue died too to reinforce the message (nitpicking). cannot wait to see the finished product.

my idea for a store where all they sell is goosebumps and animorphs: beautiful. i do not think the world is ready.

five of the worst humans there are or ever were:
one. the lady who was rude to me at the bookstore the other day
two. my sister when she’s being mean
three. cannibals
four. nazis
five. that dude rory

hit the jump for the review of my list!

review: insular and incomplete list. based on personal grudges and hurt feelings. do not put in the history books.

- boyparty