Back in the early days of rap, Run DMC made the definitive Christmas rap song “Christmas In Hollis“. It samples traditional Christmas sounds, tells a story even your grandma could fuck with, and there’s pretty loud 808s. Fucking perfect, yuletide raps. But, here’s the downfall of that slightly magical song—it doesn’t reflect reality. I’don’t know one adult that’s ever had a personal run in with Santa, save for the one time my boy went to the mall with his girl, and Santa kept looking at her tiddays. That’s a story for a different time though.

“EggNog & Hennessy” by Planet Asia (featuring Gibby & KT) represents real life Christmas in rap. Dude’s sit around the crib, drink spiked egg, smoke weed and generally just hang out real heavy. You get a feeling that if there were a sequel to this joint, dudes would be playing mad Xbox and possibly end up going to the dirtbag titty bar or something. That’s a holiday I can respect.

- raythedestroyer