Welcome to the first installment of Slut By Association, a weekly round-up of your favorite famous freaks, living that life in the media-eye. I know it’s a scary world out there, so let me, Regina B, hold your hand and walk you through it. New Year, same old fame-whores. Let’s begin!

For the 5 of you out there who haven’t heard: Kanye West announced, on stage, that Kim K was having his baby. That’s cool and all, but his mask-game was still the highlight from that night in my book.

Anyway…

What do we have to look forward to, now that the aughts have finally conceived the perfect amalgamation of post-modern reality? First off, Kimmy’s sex-tape sales are soaring. Maybe people are planning on treating it as some sort of shrine to what her body used to be. This pregnancy will teach us all a thing or two about physics. Dat ass, though.

And get ready for a flood of magazine covers, and interviews. Baby-whore voice symphony! Fingers-crossed she pulls that classic Demi Moore pose, except with  a painted-belly, and Ye art directs the whole mess. Dick-monsters greeting big-tittied storks on pastel mountain-tops.

Let me dream!

Weezy F. Baby has managed to break the heart of renowned dick monster Karrine “Superhead” Steffans. After the release of “Kush and Alcohol (Bitches Love Me)” where he name drops Karrine (only to bless his new girl with the title), she had a few hours worth of things to say in 140 character increments.

Video Vixen went on to tweet it out and even broke it down for us, drunk in her pannies with The-Dream playing in the background. Basically: she’s doing it right to sell her new book How to Make Love to a Martian.

Tunechi, are you in on this?

Don Johnson let the world know that the rumors of his dong’s magnitude have been greatly exaggerated, and that the late NBA star Dennis Johnson was the one actually killing ‘em. I’ve never heard the rumor, but this story got me digging deep into an internet dick-hole that lead all the way to President Lyndon Johnson and his punisher, “Jumbo”. Ladies the lesson here is: find a Johnson and hold on – with BOTH hands.

Anything else?

Lindsay Lohan got a gig. She got paid $100K to party with the Prince of Brunei on New Years. The last guy to give her a $100K was Charlie Sheen, just a few holidays ago. That time it was a gift towards paying off her back-taxes, although later Charlie said he owed her the guap for a “project” she helped him with.

A job is a job. Even if you do need a hot towel and prayer afterwards.

Kat Williams probably slapped someone, Hugh Hefner married a chick 60 years his junior (who plans on making an anchor baby, because gold don’t dig itself), and Justin Bieber’s love of trees got a papparazzi killed trying to get the first shot of Maple-Christ getting blunted…but seeing that we’ve been keeping it extra assy in our intros, I’d like to leave you with JWoww’s rebuttal to an unfortunate backshot from her NYE gig at MTV.

Thanks for being the one to pop my Bloglin-cherry. You were so tender, I’m gonna go write a poem about you.

Until next time, remember: just cause they’re rich, don’t mean they’re not ratchet.

- Regina B