Sup dude. I wanna thank you for spending the money you make at your shitty job trying to forget you work at a shitty job. I really really appreciate the excess amount of crap I’m able to buy due to your continued addictio- ahem support. I’m writing you this letter because some of you are certainly out there wondering, why is my drug dealer so inconsistent and unreliable. In fact some of you are sitting around waiting on your drug dealers right now cursing their fucking names and mothers for taking 2 hours after telling you 30 minutes. There is a good chance that yes your drug dealer is a lazy piece of shit who lacks any sense of punctuality, but did you ever wonder dear drug purchaser that it could just be you?
Every drug dealer has custies they like dealing with and custies they hate dealing with. If your drug dealer consistently shows up extra late and doesn’t ever hook you up, it’s probably because you’re annoying as fuck. You probably the typea custie to blow up your dealers phone 10 times over a $50 sale all while asking a million questions. Yes I know you wanna make sure it’s on point and the shit’s good and what kind is it and did you make sure to weigh it out blahblah fucking blah. You might be asking for your own peace of mind but your drug dealer’s just gonna lie and say yes to all those questions ‘cause he knows if you’re already at the point where you’re asking 21 questions, you gonna buy the shit regardless of how shitty it is you fucking fiend.
So that being said, respect your dealer’s text to dollar ratio. What is a text to dollar ratio you ask? I made it the fuck up. It’s the number of times you’re allowed to bug your drug dealer based on the dollar amount you plan on spending. I personally maintain a 1:100 text to dollar value at maximum. That means that for every $100 you spend, you get to text me one time without my being aggy at you. If you hit me up five times for a $50 sale I will put you on the last of my list of drops and I will get there an hour and a half late you cheap annoying fuck just buy your drugs in bulk why don’t you goddammit I hate you.
Anyway maintain a reasonable text:$ ratio maybe just maybe I won’t secretly hate you and give you the skimpest
bag outta the bunch. Hell I might even turn off the episode of The Wire I’m watching and come through in those times when you’re in desperate need. Just as much as you find your needlessly paranoid drug dealer annoying to deal with, they find your custie ass annoying too.
hugs and kisses,
your drug dealer.- literalporn