If there’s one topic I can wax a prolix opus on is how massive of a boner Madonna gave me between 1990-1994. Horny Culture has turned their backs on on Ms. Ciccone-Penn-Richie-Ciccone in the last ten years or so, and with due cause. The yoga and Kabbalah flavored water have left her looking a bit, hard these days.

And while I can still detect the semblance of what once jettisoned me to Surewood Forest in Madge, my boner’s tolerance level requires much more pervy and too often shameful criteria in the modern age. But I’ll tell you what’s what. Madonna had a run that pwned any and ALL of today’s famous bald vag promoters with their mediocre BJ skills on half ass sex tapes!

Understand this, there were a few core and strategic happenings which magnetized my meat toward the Immaculate One. Events that would lead to skipping junior high in favor of epic jerk marathons at home in perfect solitude.

Though those nudie pics of her in the 80′s with her glorious hairpie and pits were cool (a mere 3.5 in jerkability factor), it was only the ripple before a mass tidal wave that would eclipse any of the girls around me in 8th grade, even the ones who let me feel them up during class. Let’s divert for a moment to the prologue of this scummy saga…

Sure, I enjoyed the Blonde Ambition era with the David Fincher helmed Express Yourself video where she prowls like a minx and lays chained on a bed, nekkid and overexposed. Of course I fast forwarded Truth or Dare to her Boob flash! Those were cool and all, but when she performed Vogue during the MTV Music Awards (video above muthafuckas!) as a Ribald Victorian Boudoir Beauty, that was that.

Right here was the tipping point where I caught the fever. Look at those glamour boys grabbing on her titties and shit! I still remember having to take an emergency jerk break after seeing this on TV. This was only the sign of things to cum (yuck, that kinda grossed me out too).

Fucking YouTube! Click here to watch this vid without that dumb banner

I was SO jealous of Wayne in this MTV promo. Seriously, I was.

Then the “Justify My Love” video dropped which to me stands as the fucking sexiest song of all time, even over Sade’s “Ordinary Love.” Holy moly, look at her go! Just all about making out and being a tramp… I don’t know about you, but that’s how this creep likes it!

I’d give you two thumbs up on directing this, Jean-Baptiste Mondino, but only one hand is available at the moment!!

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But then I remember. Even among the flashing boobies, Rick Ross and more hawt Streetwear ish then you can shake a Dunk SB at, Greg still manages to be the most entertaining part of this KarmaloopTV clip. Take that however you want! o_O

I bet you guys weren’t aware that they’re filming a movie about the life and loves of one Johny “Prolly” Watson. The film is called Get Pitted! and oddly enough stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt as John Prolly. I guess they wanted to go younger instead of having Donal Logue play our favorite redheaded Viking.

Ok I’m actually pulling your leg, there’s no movie about Prolly in the works (However EA’s Prolly’s Pitted 2011 is totally real), but Joseph Gordon-Levitt is currently in NY filming a movie about bike messengers called Premium Rush. I guess JGL opted not to use a stunt rider a few days ago when he went through the back window of a cab which he then documented the aftermath via video on his Tumblr.

So why the hell am I posting this? Well one it gives me something to tease Prolly with and two because gives me the opportunity to post about Joseph Gordon-Lovitt’s brother’s Tumblr…

JGL has a brother named Dan who has his own tumblr called Burning Dan and, well, Dan is very much a psychedelic warrior. Here’s how Dan describes himself:

I travel the world teaching people to spin fire and be who they want to be. I’m a Flow Artist, performance photographer, swashbuckler, computer programmer and internet citizen bent on saving the world with panache.

I’ve performed on broadway, naked oil wrestled an albino and a porn star, started a school, been in a hurricane, taught a room full of 100 black people to dance, stood on an erupting volcano and built a pillow fort on an airplane. I helped build hitRECord.  I seek to inspire and be inspired in every interaction with everybody I meet. Especially you.

That’s right he taught a room full of 100 black people to dance. Again he taught a room full of 100 black people to dance. WTF!?!? Wait another choice quote from his blog…

Today, I was on a bus in a frontish row and a family of black people tried to get on the bus. The only open seats were behind me in the back. The family felt like they couldn’t squeeze past me to the open seats behind. So I moved to the back of the bus so the black family could have my seat near the front.

I am “Danny, champion of the civil rights.”

His blog is full of so much unintentional hilarity that I wouldn’t be surprised if it all wasn’t some elaborate act, but somehow I doubt that.

I don’t know about you but I really, really like James Franco. Carlos the Dwarf has won a permanent place in my heart. He was the best part of the Spider-Man franchise and fuck if he didn’t cement himself as a stoner idol for the ages in Pineapple Express.He’s basically been one of my favorite actors and I make it a point to try and see most of his films.

But he’s also a really, really weird dude. He has a reoccurring role on General Hospital (where he plays a kind of soap opera version of himself); he graduated from Tisch not too long ago after studying filmmaking (which has yielded a behind the scenes SNL Documentary); he shows his art in respected galleries and he’s even attending Yale to get a Ph.D in English at Yale…which he does while being on general Hospital and shooting films. He’s just a really interesting and out there guy who is not your typical Hollywood celebrity. I’ve always think of James Franco as a Crispin Glover for a new generation… well Crispin Glover with better film roles.

Oh and he’s also on the cover of he new issue of New York Magazine which features a lengthy article on him called The James Franco Project. The article basically examines the enigma that is James Franco. It’s a really interesting look at a guy most of us think of as an actor but he’s clearly much more than just that.

I didn’t even know there was a Courtney Love: Behind the Music, but it aired Monday night on VH1. Thanks to Jezebel there’s now a short clip condensing the two hour long episode to 13 choice tidbits from Courtney Love.

So I said in Spin that … don’t call your band Nine Inch Nails if you have a three-inch one. My band’s called Hole. It’s not called Little Hole, it’s not called Big Hole, it’s not called Flopping Noni, it’s not called Tiny Rosebud, it’s not called Barbie pussy. It’s called Hole, okay? – Courtney Love on Trent Reznor.

I’m going to be so sad when she eventually ODs or just you know,  shuts up.

I don’t even really know what to say about this that TMZ didn’t. ICP always books past famous rappers and bands to open for them or perform at the gathering and they usually embrace the juggalo thing to get over with the fans. I’ve seen a few people such as Vanilla Ice don a hatchetman tattoo.

This though is just embarrassing as he spelled, “Juggalo” WRONG. I know a few people who’ve encountered him on this tour and I think the crack might have influenced this tattoo. Also, is that a chunk of skin missing in the tattoo? WTF?! Who doesn’t love a good celebrity meltdown though?

I’ve been pretty lucky to meet some of my childhood heroes over the years. Back in college it was Warwick Davis, and a few years ago at New York Comic Con it was Gary Coleman.

I remember that I was almost on my way out when I saw a sign that had a list of all the special guests that were signing autographs and Gary was one of them. When I walked up to the area with all of the guests I saw Gary sitting there with his wife and ratty leather suitcase with a series of instructions:

“$5 for a digital photo with Gary
$20 for signed photo
$25 for signed photo with popular TV slogan”

I opted to pay $5 to take a digital photo with Gary. He threw the bill into his suitcase and proceeded to tell my friend Henke (skinnydigital) how to take the photo. That’s why he looks all mean and like he is jerking me off. Little man couldn’t even look at the camera. How sad.

Oh well, at least I have the photo and the memory. You will be missed Gary. I guess.

I still won’t see the upcoming Smurfs movie, but man this rules. They even nailed the silhouette of his gross cloak…though not pictured, I’m going to go out on a limb and predict that his red hobo sorcerer slippers are going to be spot on too! How big of a smile are you going to have when you hear Azaria do the Gargamel cackle during the trailer? HeheheehehaHAHAHAHAAA!

Image taken from NY POST

I hadn’t realized that Bushmills‘ had run or is running an ad campaign with featuring our friends and neighbors from Fool’s Gold (Dust la Rock, Catchdubs and A-Trak). But our own Badman Shark snapped this pic with his phone over by ABC No Rio on Rivington on the Lower East Side.

A big thanks to Nick Catchdubs for giving the Keep Watch Eyeball such prominent placement! Not sure if Hasbro feels quite as honored as us though.

Now why (besides generally being awesome) is the entire Fool’s Gold camp in a Bushmills’ ad campaign you ask? Well perhaps the above teaser video will give you some insight. Bushmills’ is rolling out a new campaign focused on showcasing different groups of young movers and shakers hanging out, discussing their “Big Apple Bond” over a few drinks. I’ll drink to that concept.

In addition to Fool’s Gold, the campaign also features DFA, Chromeo and our other old friends from No Mas. I don’t know if I should be hurt we weren’t asked to participate (always the bridesmaids over here), but how can I stay mad when Nick has a gigantic Keep Watch Eyeball on during the whole thing? It’s like we were a part of it. Either way cheers to old friends!