Everybody knows we have the best POTUS since ever, and don’t even try to front cuz you know it’s true.

Some new pics of O-Beez just dropped, and it only confirms what we already knew: that the president is a mack. A master game slanger on permanent g status worldwide. Every girl’s secret fantasy boy and every dude’s insecure nightmare wrapped up into one.

Read through this yearbook note and tell me you don’t feel bad for our boy Greg. He didn’t have a chance, son. And he probably knew it, too. Greg, if you somehow read this, please hit us up. Tell us what happened that fateful summer when Barry stole. yo. girl.

Some key points:
1) POTUS aka Mr. LetMeBorrowYoGirl plays up the gee-shucks dumb-game. He’s not coming off overly intimidating. That charming, water-off-a-duck’s-back cool factor that some guys are straight born with. Take note.

2) He drops compliments that aren’t creepy, austere, or in any way over the line. Just the right amount “girl I like you”.

3) Throws up them digits! No numbers were exchanged here. POTUS gracefully backs out of the game and leaves the decision in her hands, and he plays it so well that it looks effortless. POTUS obvi wants to hook it up, but his world isn’t gonna come crashing down if it doesn’t. Girls love that. Perfect levels of confidence. 10/10 would take the president’s advice again.

All you young lovers getting ready for the summertime sesh take note. Get on that Beezy game, and you’ll wake up with a smile on your face all day, every day all summer long (summer long summer long)

Ever wonder which of your Facebook friends is DTF? With the popular Facebook app, “Bang With Friends” you can. Yes, there is actually an app that tells you which of your Facebook friends wants to do you. Sure this is a catalyst in some ways, to people getting “banged”, which is desirable—depending on the quality of the “bang”. Mostly though, it’s really fucking weird. Sometimes the Internet gets a little too personal.

Not only can you find out who exactly wants to “bang” you, but a new option to “hang” with friends is surfacing. Why do you need to find out who wants to hang out with you, if you already know your Facebook friends? They’re your “friends”, shouldn’t they all want to “hang”? The founders say it’s not a way to “purify” our society by traditionally dating someone before you “bang” them. According to them, it’s a way to expand the app. This app feels like it’s simply a dating platform like E-Harmony or J-Date for a younger generation. Or, more accurately, a “banging” platform.

As if this app wasn’t intrusive enough, they even procure a score for you based on how many views your profile receives. But what about the people who get minimal views? A river of tears will be shed by those that don’t score high enough. But, see for yourself, maybe you’ll find a really hot guy/girl who’ll end up being a keeper. It’s the Internet, stranger things have happened.

Your Mom. Your Mother. The broad that gave birth to you.

Vs.

Your Pop. Dad. The sperm donor.

An age old question, that dates back to the beginning of civilization. Who’s better your mom or your dad?

In one corner you’ve got the woman who brought you into the world. The lady that took take care of your sick, whiny ass when no else would. Made you them lil peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with crust cut off. The chick that allowed you to totally wreck her figure for all eternity. Ma dukes.

In the other corner we’ve got your dad. Homeboy that put a roof over your head. Dude that taught you how to fight. Dude that let you play with weapons way too young. Ole boy that beat your ass when you fucked up in school. The motherfucker that schooled you on the joys and pains, that broads and sports will bring to your life, as long as you live. Pops.

Which one do you roll with? Take into account your mom will still occasionally wipe cold out your eye in public, and sometimes calls you “my little man” in front of your boys. Your pops on the other hand, will more than likely, at some point in life, check out your girlfriends ass. But, that’s just how life is. Also, for some of us dads are entirely theoretical, so this is a wild hypothetical question. It’s like asking “how do you prefer to get to work subway or riding a flying dragon?” Choice is yours.

Pierce Brosnan as James Bond (Goldeneye, Tomorrow Never Dies, The World Is Not Enough, Die Another Day)

Vs.

Daniel Craig as James Bond (Casino Royale, Quantum of Solace, Skyfall)

With the new James Bond movie Skyfall dropping this past weekend, it’s time to pick your personal Bond from the two most current iterations. In one corner we have Pierce Brosnan, the James Bond of the mid ’90s through early ’00s. Brosnan was a pretty boy, aristocratic, British dude. Homeboy was probably born in a Tuxedo. His Bond was pretty much Christian Bale in American Psycho without the music nerdery or love of hookers. On the plus side, Brosnan’s Bond inspired the amazing Goldeneye on Nintendo 64, he got to fight Russians (back Russian dudes were the hardest villains around), and he had a laser on his watch which probably came in real handy when he was trying to pickup various Eastern European jawns who smoke OD cigarettes.

Daniel Craig’s Bond is more of a brawler. Dude has that facial structure that tells you he might’ve curbstomped a dude at some point in his life. His version of Bond tends to be a lot moodier and pensive (serious Bond). Dude solves mysteries and stops the bad guys but he probably spends a lot of time drinking alone and thinking about all the heads he killed (sad Bond).

To Craig’s credit, while his Bond movies haven’t had as many wild gadgets as Brosnan’s, they have generally made more sense and been more believable. Then again Pierce Brosnan’s Bond surfed 50ft waves into North Korea while wearing a high tech wetsuit/ninja outfit. Fuck believability that’s cool. Choice is yours though….

Anyone that says Sean Connery in the comments gets faded on sight.

Resident Evil [Capcom] (1996-Present) // 9 Games

Vs.

Silent Hill [Konami] (1999-Present) // 8 Games

Dem franchise boys are at it again. The biggest names in survival horror, battling each other in body and mind. I was feeling sort of… well, not sad today, but weird because Resident Evil 6 came out and I realized I don’t really have any strong desire to buy it. Considering the RE series was one of my favorites as a youth, I can’t help but experience some ennui. So I’ve been memory lane-ing all morning about the heady days of survival horror, and decided I would turn to you – the readers – the figure out whether the Umbrella Corporation could stand up to the ravages of your own guilty conscious. Could the STARS take on the silent Nurses? Nemesis versus Pyramid Head?

Thinking about their beginnings, it is pretty cool how humongous both of these series’ have gotten (despite the fact that the success may or may not have doomed them, quality wise). For what it’s worth, my favorite games in each series is Resident Evil 1 (Remake Edition) and Silent Hill 2. I like RE4 a lot, but the direction it has inadvertently taken the series in has retrospectively damaged my enjoyment of that game a little bit. Look no further than RE6 appearing to be a CoD-like for facepalming evidence. The experience of playing RE1 is the most vivid, but I have the most gameplay/visual respect for the excellent polish it was given for GameCube re-release (side conversation: is GameCube the only Nintendo system in which a 3rd party franchise [RE] was more important to its success than Mario/Zelda/etc?).

Silent Hill, on the other hand, took the slow tension filled exploration sections of RE1 and cranked them up to the next level. Full of bold gameplay decisions, the SH series peaked with the highly disturbing second installment following the troubled James Sunderland. It’s smart, mature, and scary as fucking hell. The Choice is Yours…

Cash Money Records (1991-Present) // Founder: Birdman

Vs.

No Limit Records (1990-2003) // Founder: Master P

Can you believe how ridiculous huge Cash Money still is and how utterly defunct No Limit is? Today’s Choice Is Yours is a battle between these two legendary (don’t deny it) rap labels, both of which were started by rappers with unique (cloudy, syrup obscured) vision, and each of which improbably claimed a place – however brief – at the heights of public consumption. For the sake of fairness and ease, in regards to Cash Money we’re going to be talking about the “first generation” as it were, so none of the current roster except for Wayne. This is most definitely not about pitting Young Bleed against Tyga.

But it IS about pitting Birdman AKA Baby AKA one half of Big Tymers against Master P AKA UGH AKA co-star of “Romeo!”. Or how about Mannie Fresh vs. Mystikal (who, come to think of it, was on both?), or young Wayne and Silkk The Shocker. I think we all know which label had better album art (Charge It To The Game being the king of the mountain), but which had better videos? Better vixens? Who has more influence on the rap game today (a harder question than you might think)? Where are C-Murder and Skull Duggery? Where is Jazze Pha and the surviving members of U.N.L.V. (RIP Yella Boy)? They’re both just so good. Choice is yours…

Scream (1996) – Dir. Wes Craven

Vs.

The Cabin In The Woods (2012) – Dir. Drew Goddard

Let’s get reverential for those who are referential. Let’s splatter the meta-text with some blood and boobies. That’s right, boobie splatter, don’t think about it too much alright. Check your rule book, tighten your chastity belt, don’t wander off alone, and most certainly don’t look in the cellar, because we’re about to get down to business choosing between the post-modern horror comedy titans Scream and The Cabin In The Woods.

I liked Cabin In The Woods very much – even more, in fact, when I watched it for the second time last night – but while praise for that movie was getting passed around like a Linnea Quigley character I was a mite peeved that people were acting like it was the first time a horror movie had essentially jerked off while looking at itself in the mirror. Wes Craven and Kevin Williamson shot that Pynchonic load over a decade ago! This has gone too far. That’s not necessarily a judgment on which one is better (though I have my preference), but more that you gotta be giving the love to Scream. But has the student surpassed the teacher?

Very tough to say. Overall Scream might be more astute, and toe the line between horrifying/intellectual/funny better (Cabin suffers from a deficiency of the first) but Cabin probably has more specific moments of brilliance. Cabin’s performances are technically stronger, but Scream’s are iconic (and some are brilliant: Lilliard, duh). They both have some memorable imagery. Killer endings. The choice is yours…

Secret Six by Gail Simone (2008-2011) [DC]

Vs.

Uncanny X-Force by Rick Remender (2010-2012) [Marvel]

Superhero team-ups have a long and storied history, and for this edition of Choice is Yours I’m pitting my favorite team stories of the past 5 years from both sides of the major modern comics coin against each other. There will be some healing factors employed. Neither one is the marquee group of Marvel or DC – though there’s an argument to be made about how, in comics at least, The Avengers and especially The Justice League haven’t exactly been front and center – but both are most excellent, unique, writer driven runs.

Gail Simone’s funny and furious take on Secret Six started in 2008 and ran for 36 issues, ending last year. She cut her teeth on the group some years previous for a stand-alone 6 issue arc, but really came into her own once she fully grabbed the reigns, wringing more than you’d have thought possible from characters like Catman, Scandal, Ragdoll, and Batman villains Deadshot and Bane. I have a particular fondness for the twisted (and literally twisting) dandy Ragdoll and the cool-as-hell asshole Deadshot. Simone has a great sense of both the intimate team and the DC Universe at large, filling the stories with heretofore unpopular or overlooked characters, as well as an impressive slate of brand new ones.

Remender’s Uncanny X-Force, meanwhile, has been one of if not my favorite ongoing series of the past year. It was just announced this week that his run, and indeed the series itself, will end with #35 (Issue #30 came out 2 weeks ago), giving it an almost identical sized run to Secret Six. The similarities don’t end there, as this is the “darker” side of X-Men, meaning basically that they do the killing thing. But it isn’t one of those 90s style comics that is purely obsessed with violence, instead delving into deep characterizations of characters like Psylocke and the previously unremarkable Fantomex, who after this series, I would love to see get his own series. Remender eventually embraces wider mythology as well, expertly weaving in both Otherworld and The Age of Apocalypse. These are both truly excellent comics. The Choice is Yours…

Kevin Durant – Small Forward for Oklahoma City Thunder // Born: 1988

Vs.

Lil B – Rapper/BasedGod // Born: 1989

Battle of the tiny pants bitches! Now on a normal day, I wouldn’t be surprised to see myself throwing down the Choice Is Yours gauntlet on these two fellers just for the sake of novelty, but in this case I actually have very good reason for pitting a freestyling God against the unsettlingly lithe basketball superstar. You see, these two have somewhat improbably found themselves embroiled in an ongoing Twitter beef which may or may not end in OKC based (lol) one-on-one game between the two, which Lil B would almost certainly win.

It appears this all started sometime in last season’s playoffs, when Kevin Durant made the grave error of calling Brandon a wack rapper. One would have to assume that it was the negative Based karma from this comment that would eventually lead to the Thunder’s loss in the Finals. Bad KD, now you owe Russell Westbrook and James Harden a ring, if in fact Harden has recovered from the spate of “terrible basketball playing” that cursed him so powerfully in the late post-season. Lil B responded (on Twitter, natch) with the very reasonable suggestion that the two of them battle it out on the court. KD best be shaking in his heavy-framed glasses. No one wants to get stunted on by a guy in a tight pink v-neck and a bindi, ya feeyul me?

So which one is it folks? Keep in mind that while Kev might have the lackadaisical eyes and upturned countenance of aloof joviality, his torso as-not-covered-by-uniform is just as tatted up as B’s. Who knows what other skillz slender man is hiding. On the other hand, Based God is over 9000 so… The Choice Is Yours…

Mr. Cluck’s Chicken Shack // Owner: Hugo “Hurley” Reyes [LOST]

Vs.

Los Pollos Hermanos // Owner: Gustavo Fring [Breaking Bad]

Hey readers, who’s hungry for some fried chicken? Would you like yours served with a side of high-quality blue methamphetamine or a deathly dose of bad luck and tropical island adventuring (and perhaps a meteor (shouts Tricia Tanaka (that’s my girl)))? Because today we’re choice is yours-ing between the fried chicken franchises of the small screen. Both seem delicious, or at least characters we trust say they are, but both are more than just chicken.

For Hugo “Hurley” Reyes, everyone’s favorite zaftig teddy bear from the inimitable ABC show LOST, Mr. Cluck’s was once his conceptual jailer, as his dickhole boss Randy kept him down not only with low wages and bad attitude, but also kept his gut expanding with cheap, greasy chicken. You’ll never drop the LBs is you stay at Mr. Cluck’s Hurley. But, that being said, no one will care once you’re eventually able to buy that chicken franchise with your accursed lotto winnings and fire that fucker Randy!

On the other hand, we have the Southwest staple, the Madrigal financed Los Pollos Hermanos (“they called them the chicken brothers…”), where they’re proprietary blend of 11 herbs and spices (and methylymine) will keep you coming back for more, and more, and more, until your teeth fall out. Sidenote: perhaps, in a fun crossover, DJ Qualls’ characters on both of these shows (Hurley’s co-worker/best buddy, and Badger’s lithe arresting officer) are in fact one in the same. Anyway, where would you rather eat? The choice is yours…